Tired of the same thing every day

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

I'm a mom of a 21 yr old and my husband has two children. He works 12 days and off every other weekend. The weekend he's off he has his kids, but there is no time for us??? I'm pretty sure I'm not being selfish? Any advice would be appreciated!

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Chet - posted on 08/15/2013

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I agree with Kiara Wright's post that you need to nourish a relationship. However, I wouldn't approach this situation with the attitude that you're not being selfish and have a right to your husband's time. Don't frame this up like he has an obligated to make time for you. Sometimes when you are a busy family the best you can do is talking while you clean the kitchen together! Our kids are little and sometimes "together time" for my husband and I is on a park bench chatting while the kids play or sharing one of those nasty pizzas at Chucky E Cheeze while the kids play. What I'm saying is, don't make yourself another thing on his to-do list, find ways to share the life you have together.

Kiara - posted on 08/15/2013

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You aren't being selfish. You guys need to schedule a date night. You all need to take time after he gets off work and he's not with his kids to have adult time. Your relationship will not survive unless you nourish it. Let him know that you are missing him and would like some quality time. There is nothing wrong with that. Him being tired should not be an excuse, because when he was dating you I'm sure he made the time.

Jodi - posted on 08/14/2013

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You didn't answer all of my questions. Like, did he have the same job?

Another question, was he seeing his kids every other weekend before you were married?

It sounds to me like you are not a mother? You have married a man with children. His children are going to come first. That is the first thing you need to understand. If you want time alone for just you and him, you are going to have to discuss this with him and make it happen. If he is working 12 days straight, of course he's going to be tired. The other two days, his children need him more than you do.

I would suggest that you discuss with him making a date night once a week, and you both stick to it. If he is working so much, you may have to do the organising, but once a week, book in for dinner or a movie, or a show, or something together.

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Kelsey - posted on 08/17/2013

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Do you work as well? Do you cook for him? I know after my husband's long shifts, I make him dinner and I let him relax and it while watching a movie or show. That's "our" time to cuddle and relax. I know he has a stressful job and I've learned how to read him when he's exhausted. Just remember your husband is working to support you and his children-something, as a man, he will feel as his duty. His kids will always (or should) be first. They need his support and love (ever other weekend isn't much time with your dad). Just be mindful that you don't want his home with you to be another stress he has to worry about. Be open with him and ask his position and feelings so he isn't cornered. Maybe he thinks you are happy at home with him and don't want to go out.
My husband and I go out.but it isn't frequent. We enjoy our time at home together.

Susan - posted on 08/16/2013

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It's not selfish to want to spend time with the one you love. Have you scheduled date nights? It seems to me, anything in life doesn't get done if it doesn't get scheduled. Have you planned any week end get aways or vacations without the kids? Steeling a little time here and there as often as possible might help ease that abandonment feeling. I'm curious what he says when you address your concerns with him. :)

Rebecca - posted on 08/15/2013

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You are not being selfish. Your marriage is your primary relationship and needs to be given priority. Of course he needs to work and see his kids too, but it cannot be at the expense of you.

Desy - posted on 08/15/2013

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If it's difficult to have your own time together, make sure what your do on your time.
If you need communication,
the letter could be a good tools to keep your love.

[deleted account]

No when we met we would do things/ go out even his friends say he used to go out but we get married and it all stops???

[deleted account]

No by all means am I saying for him to spend less time with his kids!! I'm sure everyone can relate a husband and wife should spend time together away from kids every now and then. We both work and when he gets home he's tired ( I understand) but his only days off are when he has his kids and we do things but I guess I still want that one on one time other than always staying home! We don't hang out with other couples / friends it's work home cook and clean then bed!!!

Jodi - posted on 08/14/2013

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Has it always been this way? Was he working this same job when you married him? What hours does he work?

Chet - posted on 08/13/2013

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I'm not sure what you're asking. I hope you aren't suggesting your husband should spend less time with his children. Do the four of you do things together when his kids are at your house? Does he have the option to work less? If he works 12 out of every 14 days to support his family it sounds like you're married to a pretty decent guy.

Ev - posted on 08/13/2013

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How many hours a day does he work? How could you not find time if he only pulls an 8 hour shift during the day or night? Have a quiet dinner for two? Have a coffee together and talk before he goes in? Take him lunch?

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