To all you Stay At Home moms:

Erin - posted on 04/08/2010 ( 157 moms have responded )

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Not to be rude, but how do you financially afford to stay at home? And do you love it?



I want to stay at home, but I'm not sure how we would afford it and if in the end I would even like it. My husband is all for it - IF we can find a house and job in his hometown, which is fine, but how do I help him see that it would be beneficial for our son (he's 5 weeks) NOW, not in a few years.

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/08/2010

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I was a full time mom w/ both my boys. I look back and recall many crying episodes. Although I loved being there for them, I realized I wasn't really happy because I wasn't able to spend on the things I needed, I couldn't go out, and I wasn't even socializing. So I was home all day w/ them and trying to be a great mom but it was difficult just living day to day changing diapers and singing baby tunes and completely forget about yoruself.....so I thought.
Now I have a one year old girl, and its driving me crazy being home again. Not to mention, the things I have to give up....pedicures, manicures, hair, clothes, and outings are all decreased dramatically. So I've been searching for a job for about a month now and still cannot find something thats right for me. And I fear leaving too much of a gap on my resume and also not keeping up to date w/ the ever changing medical field.
However, while job hunting, I would get this knot in my throat at the thought of leaving my baby home all day long. I began to have flashbacks of the smile on her face when I play peek a boo, or when I played doggy w/ her, and I teared up on an interview.
Point is, after a month long unsuccessful search, I realized that yes, maybe I'm a bit moody being home....its hard. But, its by far much more difficult being away from her for so many hours in the day and having that little smile stuck in my head all day and knowing that no one else can make her smile the way I do. So in the end, is it worth staying home.....priceless.

Stacy - posted on 04/12/2010

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I've been a stay at home mom for 11 1/2 years now, my kids would freak if I got a job now. We manage w/ the money, it's worth it in the end. My kids are well behaved and always have a parent around.

Christine - posted on 04/13/2010

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My husband takes care of us. Like a husband should... He has had the same job for 25 years and is really financially stable.

I love being a stay at home Mom. I have worked in daycares and would NEVER want my child at one... Germs, kids sitting in dirty diapers, strangers watching your children... Not my idea of being a good mother, sorry

Krista - posted on 04/13/2010

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I love staying home with my son, but make no mistake, it IS a job. And being a stay at home mom means you take on the role of a lot more jobs. You're the accountant, the banker, the personal shopper, the cook, the cleaning lady, the nurse and practically every other job that gets thrown at you.



As for the money thing. My husband makes extremely good money and even then it's hard sometimes. You have to be prepared for all the little things that pop up.



Staying home with your child is beneficial in the first few years because you get to instill your morals and ethics into them. By about the age of 2 or 3, it's pretty well almost too late.



I hope you find a way to do it because it really is a great opportunity, but don't feel horrible if you can't.

Lindsay - posted on 04/12/2010

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I'm a stay at home mom ( 3 boys ages 13, 5, 3) and it's tough work!! The kids will need you now and even more later. They get busier and require a lot more driving around, help with homework, and many other demands. Many of the working moms I know say the plus side to working is that you're only thinking of yourself during the day as opposed to your little one's needs. But they do say they are missing so much while away for 8 plus hours. I love what I do most days, but it is definitely not an easy job :-)

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Nichole - posted on 08/04/2011

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I am a stay at home mom... I used to work until my second started having some serious health problems. We do budget but I am fortunate enough that my husband makes pretty good money. I have stayed at home for 4 years now and have 3 children. I sometimes wish I was still working and feel a little stuck because it is hard to get back to work and try to think about who is going to be running kids to school, practices, and games. So that alone keeps me home.

Diane - posted on 06/29/2010

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I would love to have more time with my 8 yr. old daughter now. I've worked full time since she was born and I've had such sadness about missing out on all of those moments. Times are tough and at this very moment we don't have much $ coming in. In my situation, my daughter is at school until 2:00 so I would like to find a way to work from home in a job that gives me flexible hours, some benefits and a base salary with potential earnings from commission or bonus. I've got a lot of experience in on-line advertising sales, media creative/production and marketing/branding. Anyone out there doing something like what I've described or have suggestions?

Delora - posted on 04/17/2010

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I'm 42 and have a 14 yr old girl and 4 yr old wild man! Before my first child I was working in upper management. When she was 5 wks old I went bk to work until she was almost 2 and then decided to quit and stay at home. I homeschool and me and my husband run a successful and stressful business. Its hard but the rewards you'll reap will surpass the hardships. You'll cry some days and go to the local store with a small chocolate hand print on your clothes, but in the end you have to decide whats the most important...you raising your child or someone else. I struggled with the same conflicts as many on here did but realized what was truly important in life for "me", and that was my kids.
They say if you wait till you can afford to get married or have a kid, that you'll never have enough....the same applies to deciding to stay at home with your kids.

Pa - posted on 04/17/2010

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I am a mother of 2 boys ages 13 months and 23 months. I have been a stay at home mom since my youngest was 4 months and to be honest with you it evened out for me financially. Staying at home cut daycare costs, gas, car care and eating costs too. Now that I am home I can cook homemade meals which are way healthier than all the eating out we did. It also seemed like I was working just to pay for daycare so I decided along with my husbands approval to be a stay at home mom. Although I do wish I could get out and get a little ME time sometimes, the reality is I love being at home with my boys and watching them learn and discover things.

Jennifer - posted on 04/16/2010

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I've been a stay at home mom for almost 2yrs and yes i love it, but i didn't have very many ppl come to see me and with a little one it can be hard to always bring them places (weather, teething, sick, sleep deprived). My biggest advice would be make sure that you stay connected with others sometimes its nice to have a grown up conversation without a child all over you. And when it came to finances my husband makes very good money in the area we live and we started out very small, and instead of getting in debt we did without the things that weren't exactly needed and we would save up and buy instead of making payments. Which i realize is easier said than done.

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I'm a stay at home mom to our 8 month old son. I feel pretty strongly that if possible, it's awesome if one parent can be staying at home. I totally understand financial situations when that's not an option- but we really try to make decisions to ensure I can be at home. My husband and I both drive older cars, we try to stick to a grocery budget and we rarely spend on things that aren't necessary. Of course, real life pops up and we decide to order pizza or go out to eat or that we would like something for the house, etc- but overall, we try to be frugal. I LOVE being at home with our baby. Sometimes it feels like there is no difference between day and night because I'm on-call all hours- but it helps if I get out for an hour or so in the evening after my husband gets home. I think choosing to be at home (if possible) is very rewarding for both mom and kids. :-)

Amy - posted on 04/15/2010

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I do Love it and wouldn't change a thing. I don't stay home because I have tons of money. My husband and I made the decision for me to stay home with the kids together, (and with sacrifices it can be done!) No I may not lead an exciting life to others....not traveling, buying things, etc. But nothing is worth more than being able to raise my children, making memories with them and instilling in them the value of family. Do I go stir crazy sometimes, absolutely, but who doesn't...whether your at work or home. I will go to work once my son is in school full time, for now nothing means more to me than this. Yes, I know some mothers don't have a choice but to work, and I give them lots of credit, but on the other hand I know many mothers in the community that don't need to work but work to keep up their lifestyle. You can manage to get time to yourself, not easy but can be done. Go for it!

Lindsey - posted on 04/15/2010

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I am a stay at home mom. I had to go on bed rest when I was 5 months pregnant with my now 2 1/2 year old son. I planned on going back to work after he was born. But when we started doing the math and working out a schedual we realized it would work out better if I stayed home with my son. Which I LOVE! My fiance owns a gun store and works from 9am till 7pm. If I went back to work I would have only been working 3-4 days a week and the scedual would always be changing. And after doing the math I wouldnt have made enough to put him in daycare and pay for gas. Instead Im finishing college and he is in daycare 3 days a week. We really dont have to budget because my fiance makes more than enough money. If anyone is considering being a stay at home mom, Work out the math on cost of everything. I highly recomend staying home and having the child in daycare a few days a week so the child can socialize and you have time to yourself. I consider myself to be very fortunate to stay at home and be in college. This was the best choice for me but may not be for everyone. I am almost dont with school so by the time my son goes to pre school I will be done with college and I will be able to work full time as he goes to school.

Mischelle - posted on 04/15/2010

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prayer we struggle but it is well worth the sacrafice. I told my husband that I didn't have children so that someone else could raise them. God will see you through.

Lisa - posted on 04/15/2010

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i love staying at home... We manage on my husbands salary. Some months are difficult. Some are easy! Once your son is older and in pre-school, you can look for a part-time job to help out...

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2010

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well fortunately my husband has a good paying job, so im able to stay home with our girls and my husband knew how important to me it was to be the one taking care of my girls and teaching them things for the first few years of their life.. but i would love to go back to school when my girls are a lil bigger..

Jessica - posted on 04/14/2010

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well fortunately my husband has a good paying job, so im able to stay home with our girls and my husband knew how important to me it was to be the one taking care of my girls and teaching them things for the first few years of their life.. but i would love to go back to school when my girls are a lil bigger..

Odette - posted on 04/14/2010

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it isnt always easy, i find the lack of other mums i know at home mean isolation, so have to make the most of going for walks and playgroups. It works ok finacially as most of my wage would end up in day care costs andf loss of family tax benifit. It does mean extra things such as gym and swimming etc are not in our budget. It also depends on number of kids at home, we have 2 preschoolers at home full time, and my step son in school holidays/weekends. This means day care costs are for 2 children and then we still have to find extra in school holidays for my step son... and there is no child care benifit for him, and no regular day care so the costs soon add up! Being at home, we can save money by baking/growing vegiies and fruit, ebay and minding friends kids. If you want to you can do it, my husband does not earn a huge wage for us to do this.

Latoyia - posted on 04/14/2010

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I am a stay at home mom and it's possible...I work for Comcast online from my computer, and it's great i love it.....I bring in money without leaving home..my daughter was born 23 weeks premature but she is 2 now and still have some difficulty, but with me being home it's better, because I know her strength and weaknesses!!

Susan - posted on 04/14/2010

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Staying home is finacially difficult at times. You have to be willing to give up a lot, no more nails, pedicures, girls nights out, big vacations etc. But you replace those times with "family time" we have four kids we have never been to Disney or Bahamas- but we play as a family everything from afternoon at park to bike rides exercising etc. Although it seems tough now it is best for the kids they get bonding time they get your morals and values not a strangers no worries of mistreatment of any kind. But it is hard emotionally and mentally sometimes because you are always with the kids they go where you go do what you do and you dont have that drive home from work to unwind. I am on year 15 and getting excited about the baby goingt o school in three years so I can get back into the "real world" Over all yes I love it. I also think by staying home it effects a lot of little things that kids will carry through their lives such as have supper ready at the same time every night and sitting at the table together to eat is an example of one thing my working friends say they are envious of. I say go for it money isnt going anywhere but your kids only have one childhood!! Good luck

Sandra - posted on 04/14/2010

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I have never posted before, but being a stay at home mum is something I am very passionate about. Before having my children I worked as a Manager in a large cosmetic retail store, and every day I had to make sure we made budget, facilitate staff issues, and calm irrate customers. So really nothing has changed, except now I manage children (instead of adults that act like children), and I have traded the cosmetics for playdough blocks and paint. Ok, so the financial rewards is not as good, but there are so many other far more satisfying rewards. This week, I watched as my eldest son, aged 3, began colouring in the lines for the first time, and read a book by memory to his baby brother. I listened to my daughter, aged 22 mths, as she showed me how she could count to ten. And I watched in amazment as my youngest son, aged 51/2 mths, took his first forward movements, and then last night sat with him for three hours in the dark, as he struggled to sleep whilst cutting his first tooth, and didn't need to be concerned about not getting sleep myself. There are sacrifices that have to be made, like not getting new clothes every season, or that colour in my hair, or going out to eat. But my kids and I love to bake everything from scratch together (and this saves money), and to go to the local park to play (and this is free). You can't buy back the memories that are built by being a stay at home mum, and that is what matters to me, so until they start school, I will continue to scrimp and save and sacrafice, so that they can have me, and I can have the memories of them.

Gina - posted on 04/14/2010

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Since I don't know where you live I don't know what your country provides for stay at home moms. I live in Canada and we have a law that pays moms to stay at home but you must have been working before you got pregnant. When I had my daughter it was 1yr maternity leave. I have since heard a rumor that it was going to be extended to 2yrs. I had planned on being a stay at home mom until she started school. During this year (or two) your income comes from Employment Benefits and if it it wasn't enough then Assistance (welfare) helped out. Right now I'm a mother / homemaker and a casual teacher's assistance. Being casual I don't get a lot of work since it depends on full time TA's getting sick, attending extra training, etc. Therefore my main income is assistance and I can't make more than $200 a month or anything over that is taken off my check. Sometimes it is hard to get by but we manage. You can too if you just have faith and trust in each other. I has been well worth it to see all the milestones like the first word, first tooth, first steps, etc. You will see how rewarding it is to be a stay at home mom. My last suggestion to you is to start back to work part time when your son starts school and when he starts to go a full day of school then you might want to go back to work full time.

Shelly - posted on 04/14/2010

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i'm a stay at home mom, and i do love it. the only way i could stay home was to start an in-home daycare it's not ideal but it suplements my income and i'm home when their sick, there to get them to and from the bus. my youngest is going to school full time next year so i will start looking for a job. i have done it for 4 years.



Shelly Davidson

Lori - posted on 04/14/2010

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I was so worried about the finances too before I became a SAHM. we just couldnt afford daycare so that was it, I gave my 2 week notice and here I am 7 years later with 2 children. I love being home my son has learned so much. My daughter was almost ready for kindergarten when she started preschool. I found all the early learner books the dry erase all that so we could not be bored all day doing the same thing. yes it's tough I wont lie, you get bored of cleaning and laundry. but who wls other than you can really give your child the values you wan them to have. we cut coupons, we downsized our way of entertainment(bubbles and sprinklers instead of the water park) we Red Box our movies instead of going out. my husband does work over time and picks up hours but it is so worth it for the safety of our children. you will figure out how to keep your sanity, remember your a person too not just MOM an you need down time away from home and the kids. go for it and you will work it out, and if it's not for you, you can always go back to work. HUGS good luck.

Janet - posted on 04/14/2010

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I Love it and I would not swap it for the world. I have had to become and good cook and really think about what I spend. I think the cost is less as they get older. I have friends who come away with very little at the end of the month once they have paid for child care etc, when they go back to work. I miss not getting dressed for work and the adult chat. You do find other ways to make friends. My kids know that they can depend of me to pick them up feed them and put them to bed. They have are really happy and very secure. I don't think that you can swap time with you kids and tell yourself that you provide them good holidays and expensive toys, it sounds cheesy but those things don't matter to them.

Shelby - posted on 04/14/2010

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i stay at home with my 5month old daughter honestly i dont like it at all. i wish i could go back to work but i dont have a sitter and i dont want to leave her with someone i dont no and trust. i get so bored and after a while you run out of things to keep you busy.. i dont recomend staying home all the time. i wouldnt work full time but i think work a couple days a week just to give you a few hrs away from the house is good!!

Laurie - posted on 04/14/2010

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This is such a great question!!! I'm sure it's something that deters a lot of moms from even considering staying at home, as they feel they have no choice. I also find that there is a huge divedend out there between the mom's that choose to stay home and the mom's that work...after raising 3 boys at home I've learned allot about the struggles and stereotypes of being an at-home-mom.

I always knew I would stop my career and care for my kids myself. As my mom was at home with us until we started school I always remember being well cared for and supported. I am so happy that I made the decision to see my kids grow and be there for them to raise them with everything I believe in and also ensure they are given the love and nurturing they need as infants.

Of course staying at home is a challenge and no you do not love every minute of it, but most of the time I love it, and the reward of spending that fleeting time of childhood with your child will be with you when you have all the time in the world to spend on yourself. You kids will not want to spend time with you once they are in there teens...and from then on it's you time again...a few years off work really isn't much and does not alter your career prospectives.

I am now back to part time work and find that I appreciate my time more than ever and love working again, but I do not regret any of the time that I spent at home.

When at home I could not always buy the things I wanted but I still had time to myself. When my husband comes home from work we have family dinner, then he does story.bed time with the kids while I run off to the gym for me time.

There is always a way to make ends meet, it just depends on what type of lifestyle you choose.

Rachel - posted on 04/14/2010

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My husband and I live with his parents and we are both in school. My parents give us money for me to stay home with our daughter while I go to school. I think being at home with your child is one of the most important things you can do for them when they are very young as this is when they are learning who they depend on. When they are really young they start to learn who mommy and daddy are and who takes care of them. This is a really important bonding time for you and baby and should not be taken for granted. I understand the "going a little stir crazy" after a while because I get that way too. I just call a few friends and go to lunch or go walk around the mall or a park. Just being out and seeing other people, even if I am alone, helps me deal with the "stir crazy" stuff. Then I can come home and get stuff done. :)

Edith - posted on 04/14/2010

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i would love to help out with the income and i have tried before and everything was a scam so i am gonna put all my focus towards getting my degree and taking care of home for now......after i have my degree then i will go back out into the job market

Edith - posted on 04/14/2010

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My husband is in the Navy and right now I'm working on getting a degree and I'm pregnant with our second child so it just makes more sense for me to stay at home. As far as loving it is considered, totally depends on your personality. I personally hate it from time to time but it beats working a part time job and spending all ,y earnings on daycare.

Kristina - posted on 04/13/2010

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If we could afford for me to be a stay at home mom, I would be all over it! It's tough sometimes but u handle it. By the way, I'm a mom of 4; 3 boys, 1 girl.

Tammy - posted on 04/13/2010

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Love staying at home, I have a 5 y/o and am able to help at school, go on field trips, pick him up and he loves it. He said his friends always say they wish there mom would come to school.

Amber - posted on 04/13/2010

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I love staying at home, and I go to school full time. We live off of one pay-check which is restricting but not in a negative way. We spend more time together because of it. There are ways of finding entertainment with paying money. Parks are great, going on walks around the neighborhood or just playing out in the yard. I love being able to spend so much time with my daughter as I watch her grow, I haven't missed anything yet!

Jodi - posted on 04/13/2010

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I love being a stay at home mom, which by no choice I am due to my job I lost due to a layoff so we had to major budget withmy husbands paycheck and the lil unemployment check but I LOVE IT I WOULDNT TRADE IT FOR NOTHING BUTIF U WANT TO STAY AT HOME MOM DO DAYCARE OR SOMETHING

Mandy - posted on 04/13/2010

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I have been a stay at home mom for 8 years. While I will admit there have been plenty of days where I would give anything to have a job, not just for the extra income but the "me" time as well, I wouldn't trade it for anything. A strict budget is a definite must, but the sacrifices you make finacially are so worth the rewards of bieng there for all your childs firsts. Now that my youngest is 2, I have 3, I started working part time at a dance studio. The schedule is great because my husband gets home from work, we chat for 15 to 30 minutes and then I head to work. I am home to read the kids a bedtme story, tuck them in , and then I have time to spend with my husband. I love thee fact that a parent is always home with our kids. No one can love a child the way their parents do!

Michelle - posted on 04/13/2010

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My husband has been working for the same company for a long time...makes ok money. I used to care for a blind baby in my home until they moved. When I got pregnant I knew that I would want to stay home. Just happened that at 7 weeks of age my daughter was diagnosed with hip dysplasia on both sides. The doctors told me that she may never walk. She started having surgery to fix the problem before a year old. She finally started walking at 19 months. I had to stay home and would not have wanted it any other way. She is now 5 1/2 years old and has had 5 surgeries. Her last one was when she was 4. All is well now and I am still at home. I started making crafts and I love it.

Richelle - posted on 04/13/2010

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I've been at home with my son since the day he was born! He'll be a year old in May. I havve loved EVERY second of spending time with him, watching him grow, experiancing all his milestones 1st hand!



Yes, financially it has been a tight year but only coz we couldn't buy anything for ourselves, so it's not that bad!



However, we are sending him to a daymother with a group of 10 babies from the 1st of May. The reason being, he is such a sociable baby and hasn't had much interaction with other kids his age so i dont wan2 deprive him of making friends and socialising. There are also so many things he can learn from his daymother and other kids that i cant tteach him!



So in a nut shell, my opinion, stay at home with yr little bundle of joy for a year, i think that is an ideal time!



Congratulations & Good luck ;-)

Tina - posted on 04/13/2010

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i am one of those unfortunate stay at home mums, but not through my own choice, unfortunatly i lost my husband in sept 09 which was so unexpected as he was only 40, i was working parttime then but with the money i know recieve i can only earn 25 pound a week or they will take tax at 20% so it not financially viable for me to go back to work with 3 girls to look after it seems to take most of my time but i do earn a little extra every 3weeks by selling avon,its a great way of meeting new people,but i am enjoying being at home as i have worked through all 5 of my children and the eldest is now 27.

Linda - posted on 04/12/2010

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Well, if I were you, I would stay at home until he goes to school. If you think you might get bored, you can always join mommy groups. That really helps! I am a stay at home mom of 7 kids. 3 of them are in full day school and 1 in half day kindergarten and 3 at home all day. Ya, I get a little bored with the cleaning, laundry, being spit up on.....but....the are my kids and I won't pay someone else to take care of them while I work, that's my job!!! I love them so much, and I love being a stay at home mom, although, I do miss the social aspect of a job, that's why I am in my mommy groups. Good luck you to and congratulations on your baby! Oh, and as far as affording it....well, we are pretty much always broke, but God provides, and no amount of money could compare to the time I have with my kids.

Lori - posted on 04/12/2010

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I have 3 kids and became a SAHM when my daughter (youngest) was born. It has been a struggle financially, but I realize how much I missed out on with the boys. I think the experiences my boys had at in-home day care was great for them. They enjoyed playing with the other kids and were also potty-trained there (which was a big benefit for me). In the end, I am glad to have experienced both being a working mom and a SAHM. I can see how being home with the kids can be too much for some, but God has blessed me with 3 beautiful children and this is what I feel I need to do. I LOVE being able to watch every thing my daughter learns and not missing a minute of it. I LOVE being able to help out at my son's school whenever I can. And I am the one teaching them the values that I want them to learn...not someone else. I'm not saying I don't have days where I want to pull my hair out, because I certainly do, but right now at this point in my life home is where I need (and want) to be. Good luck with your decision. Pray about it and do what you feel is best for you and your family.

Becky - posted on 04/12/2010

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I too love being a stay at home mom. I have not technically quit my job, although it's been over 2 years since I worked. I got a year maternity leave (in Canada) then took another year leave of absence, since I was already pregnant again when my mat leave ended, and was able to get another extension until my youngest is a year old. The bonus is that I still have my benefits. We've talked about me going back to work when this leave is up, just so I can get another maternity leave, but the more I think about it, the sadder the thought makes me. I have family or friends I trust that I could leave them with, but I'd be missing so much! I'd be missing our weekly moms and tots, our impromtu trips to the zoo or pool or wherever, our midday snuggles, maybe my baby's first words or steps....

We have had to cut back. I haven't bought clothes for myself in I don't know how long, and I buy my boys clothes mostly used. (really, they're in them for such a short time anyways!!) We don't eat out much and haven't gone to a movie, well, since before our oldest was born! But there are a lot of cheap or low cost things you can find to do as a family. I think it just makes you more creative and resourceful! And it's worth whatever we have to give up to be able to be the ones to raise our own family.

One compromise we have made is that I work from home. I do home assessments for adoption and foster care. I do my interviews when my husband is home and then do the paperwork when my boys are napping or after they go to bed at night. Do you have any skills that you could turn into a home based business - can you sew or crochet? Or you could take in other kids as well if you have the space.

I guess it's not for everyone. Some people really love to work and somehow make the working mom thing work, and I think, more power to them! It's just not for me though, and I've always known that.

Annette - posted on 04/12/2010

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hi im a stay at home mom my little girl is 8 now shes in school ful time but i still stay at home my husband dont mind i can clean and cook and run all the erronds and still b here to b with my family in the evenings we struggle some but who doesent now days but u always manage how to make ends meet some how

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

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back to the subject.as i said before. have a sit down with your husband over this and lay the cards out.you can listen to everyones opinion on this subject, but in the end it is a decision to be made between you and your husband. there is no wrong or right answer here. there is nothing wrong with working and there is nothing wrong with sah.each has its up and down side.do what feels right to you and your family.

Elaine - posted on 04/12/2010

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I have been a stay at home mum for the last 2 years (my son is 2.5 years old) and have just started back at work covering a maternity contract until August. I was dying to go back to work and I love been back. Dont get me wrong I love my son to bits but I was going of my head been at home. I have worked since I was 16 (now 38) and missed the routine of having to be somewhere and having money at the end of the week. Now I look forward to the weekends with my son, and also knowing that I can buy him things without worrying about where the money comes from. Every person is different and I admire all those mums who can stay at home. Just not for me.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

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this is not a forum to argue which is better working or staying at home although you can create a conversation to debate the subject if you wish michelle. this is a forum in helping a particular mom make a decision on whether to work or sah. a support conversation not a debate okay?

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

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there is a problem with miscommunication and people taking things the wrong way on sites like this one. even i have been guilty of that, but i am not pro sahm or pro working mom,i'm just a mom

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

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well michelle i am not going to get into an argument with you and i did not feel that my response was defensive, but i guess people can have a difficult time with communication on the internet. i was not being defensive just stating an opinion.my response wasn't telling of anything. it was just an opinion take it how you will

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2010

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I encountered both types of moms outside of this forum. My answer was not based upon what other people posted. I did not even read the other posts first. I believe my comment addressed that and encouraged the woman posting the question to carefully evaluate her own situation both financially and mentally and make a decision that way.

Your defensive response is telling.

Dawn - posted on 04/12/2010

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michelle i do not see a single sahm on her trying to be militant and push erin in one direction or another . just moms sharing their experiences as sahm's. i do not believe nor do i think the other sahm's believe that working outside the home harms your children. everyone is different. every child is different. and being a sahm can be isolating at times. no doubt about it. other than that i did find your post to be helpful in deciding whether to work or stay at home.

Michelle - posted on 04/12/2010

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If you look at the big picture, one or the other of a couple's salaries might not really be adding to net worth if there is a big disparity between the two. Consider all the costs associated with working outside the home. Commuting, child care, getting a fashionable hairdoo, special or new clothing, and the temptation to eat lunches from restaurants or fast food places can all diminish your true earnings.



There is one thing to consider though. Some moms find staying at home to be isolating. No one has to feel bad if they have a real need to interact with people in a non-child or childcare related way. I personally found working outside the home a few days a week for limited hours to help my psychological well being. In total, the job I had when my children were young probably didn't lend all that much to our economic situation. What it did do though was give me some "adult" time.



So - really consider ALL the costs and benefits and do what's right for you and your family. Don't let militant stay at home moms bully you into thinking that working outside the home will harm your children forever and alternately don't let working moms give you a some sort of complex about having given up or not living up to your potential. You can still be a feminist at home if you feel that way.



Also consider career choices or job types that allow some or all your work to be done at home in a flexible sort of manner. More and more jobs are being re-designed to allow work from home every day.



It's all about balance. Think of it that way.



Best, Michelle

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2010

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i'm a stay at home mum with two kids and i love it. as i live out of town the cost of running a second car into town, my husband is a truck driver so hours are not regular, and the cost of child care would nearly take away all my wages if i did go back to work. financially it can be tough but little thinks like looking after neighbors kids, or animals in my case, helps them out and give you a little bit of extra money.

Andrea - posted on 04/11/2010

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I have been a stay at home mom for two years to my lil girl!!! I will say it can be hard to be at home all day with a child without much contact with the adult world LOL... it also can be hard financially and we have had to cut back on some things so I could stay at home with her... with us it wasn't a choice if I would stay home or not... My dd was born at 30 weeks and we live in the boondocks with the closest family about 2 hours away and tons of drs appts that I needed to be to take her too!!! If you really want to do this sit down and talk to your husband about what this would mean finicially, have stuff that you guys can cut back on (a budget) and tell him how this would benifent your son and even say hey it can benifet you too!!! LOL

Varina - posted on 04/11/2010

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We don't eat out a lot, we don't have a lot debt, we don't buy things using credit, we save up to pay cash for high-ticket items, we belong to BJ's and buy in bulk and freeze in meal portions, we buy meat on sale and freeze it, lots of little things. I also homeschool my kids, so we don't have a lot of expense in terms of peer pressure. We shop at GoodWill and Thrift stores for clothes. I love staying home and being with my girls. My girls are both really secure well rounded individuals, and I think part of that is the security of my being home with them.

Lisa - posted on 04/11/2010

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I wanted to be home with my kids, so I ran a home daycare. I had a few dollars coming in, and my kids had built in buddies. All the kids did everything with me that I would do with just my own kids. There are good resources for what you can write off for income tax too. Interest on the mortgage. Percentage of grocery costs. Toys bought for the daycare. Etc... I also had a Home sales business. I got to get out of the house in the evenings and socialized with other adults. saved alot of money on travel expenses, and clothing costs by being home too. Good luck. You will never say I wish I had spent more time at work away from my kids.

Susan - posted on 04/11/2010

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Oh, and you won't always 'love it'. It can definetly be a challenge and it is hard. Don't let anyone fool you. It's probably the hardest job I've ever done but also the most fullfilling and selfless as well.

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