to have another or wait

Chantina - posted on 09/14/2009 ( 190 moms have responded )

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So me and my hubby are trying to figure out when is a good time to try for another baby? Our son is now two years old and we really want another baby but don't know if it's a good time right now, we would love some suggestions.

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Nicole - posted on 09/17/2009

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To all the moms out there who want to have another baby but are afraid to because of finances- there is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. Think about all the reasons you shouldn't have a baby right now. Will any of them matter in 20 years? You only get to do this life 1 time- I've never heard anyone say they regretted having another baby, only that they regret they didn't.

Karina - posted on 09/16/2009

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This is such a personal decision! I know many moms who are happy with their age differences, from 1 year to 12 years, so it really depends. Are you more attracted by the "get all the diapers done at once" argument, or the "I love having lots of years to just enjoy this one" argument? Do you like the idea of having kids close in age and best friends, or the idea of having the older help out with the younger and learn some responsibility? There are so many good pros about short age differences and long, so consider your own personality (and hubby's too) and the personality of your first-born. If you feel emotionally and physically ready, and are attracted by the benefits of having them close together, then go for it! If you aren't ready yet, that's okay. Another year or two can make a HUGE difference in your body and emotional strength, so don't worry that you'll never be ready again. I have 4 years between mine, and I know I couldn't have done it any sooner. But that's just me. God has a great plan for you no matter what - and usually makes it happen regardless of what we decide. :)

Samantha - posted on 09/16/2009

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I would say now is the best time to have a baby, myself having 3 children, have seen personally the effects of wait and having them back to back. My olest was 7 when I became pregnant with my second child. By him being theonly chld for so long, he was spoiled. When I old him about my pregnancy he was crushed. He felt he had to shae his things and most horrific for him, having to share me. Of course this went away after he held his baby sister. But even now from time to time he thinks back to how it was before both his sisters came, and you can tell that he wishes it were still like that, even thoughhe does love his sisters. I became pregnant with my third child, also a girl, when my second child was 1 and i gave brth to her 4 days before her second birthday. Now My son became upset twice, once when e found out, and again when i didn't have a boy like he wanted! LOL My daughter, by her being so young, was indifferent to the attention being shared with another sibling. So it was easier in the emotional department to only have to show extra attention to one instead of two. Now there are pros and cons to deciding to have another baby right away and waiting. Financial and emotional are just two out of many. I had to learn as I went along. Most of them test your patience and your marriage! Finding alone time with you husband becomes more difficult the closer in age they are. Running around behind 2 babies is EXTREMELY tiring, especially if you decide to have a career. You will have to find intimacy time for your husband. If he's a good husband, he will share the load with you. DO NOT TRY TO BE SUPER MOM!!! That was my first mistake, thinking I could do it all. There is no such thing. Do what works best for you and don't be afraid to appoint task for your husband. The pro to having them close together is that they have a live in playmate, which will benefit you and your husband. Not to mention the fact that you are going through all the stages at one time. As one is entering age in life, you can be at ease to know the other is right behind them. However when it comes to college funds, you mind have to save twice as much because they will be entering a few years apart. Now the pros to having them as far apart as my first second is that you only have one baby to contend with. By 7 or 8, your oldest will be seeking independence, and that frees you up time to spend with the new baby. This is an awesome time for your husband because he can really bond with his son and you will have even more time to bond with the baby.. And your son will be at an age where he's a major part in helping with the baby, which is really what made my son accept the role of big brother. And with his being in school during the day. I had time to really bond with my daughter. I will admit it was harder to find alone time with my 3rdchild because I didn't want my 2nd to feel left out. I had to get times alone with my 3rd when my family would come get the oldest two and take them out for the day. So in saying all of this, I hope I've shed some light on this for you, with all of my rambling. But whatever you decide, I wish you and your husband a very happy and very, very, healthy pregnancy!!!!

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Shaz - posted on 08/16/2011

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i reckon wait till hes three still young enough they will be close old enough to be a 'helper' with 'little' jobs can walk in public

i had mine probably too close together. mine are 14 mths apart. and as much as there were alot of perks to having them so close together sometimes i wish we had them abit further apart. miss likes to try and mother her brother which means i often have to remind her of her place. sometimes i feel a bit guilty cos i feel like i havent been able to give either of them enough mummy on their own time as babies etc etc. miss did boy didnt.....and it rolls on. but its a personal choice. if your family is ready and your up for the challenge....of u go

Valerie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Having them abt 2-3 yrs apart is great even 4 years would be ok, if it took a while. The oldest one would have more independence and free up your time for your newborn.

Valerie - posted on 10/02/2009

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Having them abt 2-3 yrs apart is great even 4 years would be ok, if it took a while. The oldest one would have more independence and free up your time for your newborn.

Serena - posted on 09/28/2009

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I lthink two years apart is great (if i'm not mistaken doctors also agree, it gives your body enough time to heal and prepare for a new life). It's also great to have kids be able to play together and grow up together and be friends/playmates. Also you have your "years" close together for raising the children-which we all know takes alot of eime & work! They will be 0 &2, then 2 &4, then 4&6 and so on.....so I say GO FOR IT & GOOD LUCK!!!!

Sarah - posted on 09/24/2009

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Well, really timing has a lot to do with you and your child's personality. We had our 2nd daughter when our oldest daughter was 2 1/2 years old and it was perfect. Our oldest daughter was a typical oldest though, very mothering and did everything early, etc. Then we had our 3rd, our son, when our middle daughter was 3 1/2 years old. That worked out awesome for us because our middle daughter really loved being the baby of the family and has a very agressive personality, so earlier might of caused some jealousy we were not ready to deal with. So I guess my advice would be, if you, your husband and your little one are ready- Go for it!

Tammy - posted on 09/24/2009

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For one thing, it depends on what your reasons are for wondering if its a good time to have another baby. It would be good to have them fairly close apart so there is no generation gap and they will be fairly close at school etc. My husband and I will be trying for our second when he turns one.

Katie - posted on 09/24/2009

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If you want to, do it! We had our youngest two close, 15months apart and I would recommend it. Yeah it's a bit chaotic at times but if you have support then you'll be sweet. Keeps your expectations real.

[deleted account]

i believe it is best to plan your kids as quickly as your abilities and circumstances allow you to.... with less age difference they tend to sort of grow uo together, learning new words, potty training and schooling becomnes easier. but then again, all kids behave differently so that is a decision you can take only if you're sure you know your child well. my son was almost 3 when i had a daughter. it wasnt easy for him but ive seen my daughter evolve and grow a lot quicker than many kids her age because she watches her brother taking a shower, eating his meals and going to bed independently. and with time theyve reeeeallllyyyy bonded! so much so that my son keps nagging me for a little brother now as he's sure he knows how to treat little ones!

Erica - posted on 09/23/2009

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I'm a mother of three; our first born is a girl and 2 boys. I have a good perspective on family...and spacing of babies. I had 2 miscarriages between our daughter and the older of her two brothers. She was 4 yrs, 10+ months old when he was born. She had been "Queen of the Roost" for almost 5 years. She accepted him initially, but gradually began to build up a resentment toward him, which remained into their adult years and has only recently seemed to have leveled out... I purposefully did not reveal my age, nor the ages of my children. I'm 72 and our daughter is 51, and our sons 46 and 45. We began trying for a second baby when our daughter was about 15 months old...the two miscarriages happened between the first two babies. Plus, I lost fraternal twins which would have been born about 10 mo. after baby #3's birth...so it would have been 4 babies in 28 months...could we have handled all 6 or 7 children, of course, and we would have loved them all and thanked our Heavenly Father for each one!

Manal - posted on 09/21/2009

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I encourage you to try for a baby now. By the time the baby comes your older one will be 2 and 9 mths. The age difference is great! Your kids will each others friends and playmates and will also enjoy same outings. Definitely a 'GO FOR IT NOW' from my own experience of 4 kids.

Jill - posted on 09/20/2009

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sounds like it's a good time. I have a little girl who just turned 1 and I do not feel ready for another yet. But, when she turns 2 I think that will be a good time. Then the older one is ready for pre-school and potty trained. That sounds good to me.

Amanda - posted on 09/20/2009

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My girls are almost exactly 3 1/2 years apart and I think it is a great age difference. My older one was potty trained before the baby came and was old enough to not be jealous when the baby came. The biggest thing about having another one, I think, is still having one-on-one time with the older one so they don't feel like the baby is more important once he/she gets here.

Jolene - posted on 09/20/2009

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I have a 2yr old and a 2 month old. I would recommend waiting until you have your son potty trained and in preschool before trying to have a second child. That was our original plan. But God planned our second child and it was a surprise to us. I'm not going to lie, it sucks having to change 2 sets of diapers.

Christy - posted on 09/20/2009

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I have 2 little boys, they are only 18 months apart in age. the second one was unexpected, but very welcomed. I have really enjoyed having them so close in age. They play together, pretty much have the same interests and get along like 2 little boys do, I guess. Anyhow, I think siblings shouldn't be so far apart in age, they don't get lonely and really enjoy being with each other. That is my opinion. Good Luck!

Cathleen - posted on 09/20/2009

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If i were u, u should have another one, if u have the budget for it. and that u both are still young. dont be like me and my hubby, we both want to have another baby but having a hard time. my son now still turning 8yrs old in a few days time. we've beening trying for almost 3yrs but still nothing. i'm now 37yrs old and my hubby is 35. it will be a secondary high risk for me, if i do get pregnant. thats what the ob said to me.

KIm - posted on 09/19/2009

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You don't know what tomorrow, or next year holds. My children were born close to each other, and I would not change it. They love, fight, and then unite. If you both are ready for another child, maybe that is the right time. I feel sorry for little children that only have adults to relate too, it forces things on them that weary their hearts. Sometimes that can't be avoided, but a 2 or 3 year old definitely benefits from having a sibling.

Jenny - posted on 09/19/2009

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My husband and I faced the same thing. Our daughter was almost 2 1/2 when we got pregnant with our son--she was just over 3 when he was born. It was a good age difference. Bree was old enough to understand a little of what was going on and also able to help with her little brother, which made her feel like she was really contributing once he was born. I think the next one will be at least that much younger than our son!

Princess - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think it's always a good time to have a baby, If you and your hubby are doing well and there is love and stability go for it. Your son is two and he will need someone to play with really soon! I have two boys they are only a year apart, and we didn't plan two have them right away it just happened and we are very happy now, and I still want another baby, but we are waiting because we want to enjoy our boys first. We are happy now with just 2, but we are definately going for the girl once they get alittle older. So my advice is... if you really want another baby right now go for it b/c if you wait longer by the time you think to have another baby you might not want to start all over again.

Joann - posted on 09/19/2009

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There is never a set " good time " just like your never actually ready to become a parent. It's one of those things where you just do it and make your adjustments as needed. When you wait for the right time it never comes, and if you think your ready when it happens you find out how ready you weren't. If you want to have another child do it and enjoy, the children deserve to be loved and wanted and it sounds like you have that covered.

Ksenia - posted on 09/19/2009

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Go for it! It is a lot harder to go back to potty training/pacifiers/bottles/sleepless nights once you have been free from it for a while. I would not wait until your first child is in school. While you might have more time then, you also might have less with helping your kid with school, play dates and such. My boys are 9 and 7. It is a great age difference. Good luck!

Francesca - posted on 09/19/2009

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Honestly, it's a personal decision based on all aspects of your life, but mostly your son is the determining factor. My daughter turned 3 in July and my son will be 1 in November. Sometimes, my daughter's jealousy makes me wish I waited til she got older, but I find that the more I include her in things that I do with him, the better she is. So, if you decide to have another one now, my advice to you is to start prepping him from now and figure out something you can do once a week just you two.

Corinne - posted on 09/19/2009

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Oh it is an exciting time for you. There is never gonna be a perfect time, because life doesn't sstop to allow you to get everything in order first. Look at your own health. Is your body ready? Do you feel emotionally, physically ready? If you have suffered problems in pregnancy before or postnatal depression make sure you discuss things with your GP first, so you can be as well as possible. Start taking folic acid 3 months before you try to concieve. Do you and your partner feel your relationship is ready for this? Your son will be 3 by the time this baby comes along, which I think is a good gap between them, for you and your son. My girls have 21 months between them which put too much strain on me. (Due to my age, I didin't have time on my side).Good luck to you. Let us all know what you decide.

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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Quoting Chantina:

to have another or wait

So me and my hubby are trying to figure out when is a good time to try for another baby? Our son is now two years old and we really want another bayb but don't know if it's a good time right now, we would love some suggestions.



Chantina,



Well, as a mother of 3 children, ages 13, 11, and 9, I would say NOW is the time to have another baby.  I wanted my children close in age for a couple of reasons.  One, they would be close to each other ie, best friends, two, they would, for the most part anyhow, play with the same kinds of toys and share the same interests because of their age. and three, my sisters and I were also close in age, 2 years apart and I know what an incrediable bond we have. 



I hope my input helps you in your decision one way or the other and I wish you the best of luck.

Gloria - posted on 09/18/2009

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we had our first two 14 months apart ( not really planned ) but it worked for us they are now 8 and almost 7 and are really close and have the a lot of the same friends. We are very glad they were born so close in age. We then had our third child 3 1/2 later and wish they are equally as close and the older 2 love helping with her and teaching her what they know. Also have a step daughter who is 6 years older then our oldest and we find it hard to come up with activities that every one will enjoy. Good luck with you decision kids are the best gift no matter how close in age.

Anna - posted on 09/18/2009

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I belive that is the couples discion. I would say 2 to 3 years apart is a good time.

Cathy - posted on 09/18/2009

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I would most defiantely start trying for another now, it may take anywhere up to 6-12 to fall pregnant again and then 9 months pregnancy your son might be nearly four by the time you have your second, and you really dont want them more then five or 6 six apart because then there interests are just too different. good luck,

Kimberlee - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have experience to offer, but I don't know your age...and that made a difference for us. Just had my second baby in June and our older daughter was 5 and started kindergarten this year. For us this worked really well because I work full time and it makes the daycare cost bearable. It was a little tough for the older one because it had been all about her...but once she got over herself she turned out to be a great helper and very protective of her sister. I am glad that we waited...but your circumstances may be different. If you are a stay at home mom daycare is not an issue. I would not have waited any longer than we did though.

Sarah - posted on 09/18/2009

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my first 2 were 3.5 years apart, and it seemed like the PERFECT distance between the two. my son had been the "baby" long enough, and was old enough to entertain himself to a degree, yet he was still young enough to be close to his little sister. just my recommendation : )

Cheryl - posted on 09/18/2009

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I got pregnant back to back with each of my 4 daughters. I was pregnant again before each was 1 year (the longest we waited was when my oldest was 10months old). At the time I never considered money to be a reason to have or not to have babies. I felt and still feel that the Lord provides a way, my husband has a college degree and a management position and I'm a stay at home mom. We've been blessed and have lots of family near. For the first time we are on a break trying to decide when and if to have more. The things we are considering now are quality of time with each child and funny enough.......money. It is important to us to be there for our girls and have time to share with them. We want to be able to help our girls with College, Missions and Weddings (just to name a few). When we feel that we can have all that plus give that to another child we will start trying again. I don't know if it will ever make logical sense to have more, but I still have the desire every month for more and I know that part of that is hormonal. I love children and I think that they are a blessing. Pray and ponder for what is right for your family and I think you will know the answer for yourself. Blessings to you and your family,

[deleted account]

Hi, I believe the "conventional wisdom" states that around 3 or 4 years is a good time to wait for a second child. THis gives the first enough alone time with parents, and therefore more accepting and ready for sibling. Also a few years is a good age difference, in my opinion, as they get older- possibly MUCH older- they will be the best of friends with similar interests. Perfect time for your family, if you want another! How exciting!

Anita - posted on 09/18/2009

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If you two can agree you are ready go for it. Your body has had time to recover from the first baby. I know me and my siblings are all 2 years apart and its the perfect age difference. Remember 2 babies in diapers isnt the ideal situation but if you think you can handle it, go for it!!

User - posted on 09/18/2009

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I just had baby #2 in February and my daughter was 26 months old. She was old enough to get it, for the most part, but close enough in age that she still feels she can play a little with him. From what I hear, people say they like having their #2 after their 1st hits 2 years old or older.



Also, because I teach out of the home part-time, I have my daughter go to daycare 3 afternoons a week and have a few excellent sitters who watch my infant at home when I am teaching. Financially, it's tight, but it's doable and it's like with the first... "you're never going to feel totally ready." But it always works out somehow.



Best of luck to you!

ANGELA - posted on 09/18/2009

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I had my 2nd when my daughter was about 2.5. She has loved being a big sister and has learned to love, share....they enjoy each other so much (& always have) I always felt bad that my son didn't have that 1 on 1 time with me his forst couple years of life, but now that my daughter just started kindergarten, I realize, he'll have the same amount of time with me!

Julie - posted on 09/18/2009

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My advice is to have each of your children about 3 years apart. Based on what I've seen with various families, the kids seem to get along better for the most part. The mommies will be crazed no matter how far apart!

D. Diane - posted on 09/18/2009

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Hello Chantina. I'm a mother of three and my children are 3 years apart. I would say it's okay to try for another now, because you don't want them to spaced out and they would be able to enjoy each other without so many years apart. Whereas if you waited until the oldest was say 6 or 7 they may not want to have their younger sibling following them around. Also, you can now prepare your child for the new baby by making them not feel left out when the new baby comes. This is just only a suggestion, maybe someone else may see this differently.

Madge - posted on 09/18/2009

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Mine are two years apart. They are the best of friend although the first 6 months was hard work.

Bobbi - posted on 09/18/2009

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My kids are 5, 3, and 20 months and I couldn't be happier. I feel like I'm getting the diapers stage out of the way in one long stretch... But trust me, it's not for everyone! There are times when all 3 kids are crying and whiny, but they are great playmates and they tend to learn from each other and help each other out a lot more than I ever thought they would. If you can handle it, go for it! And you'll have to learn to tune out those naysayers who will criticize you for having them so close together. But I believe a mother's love is plentiful and there's always enough to go around! Good luck!

Karen - posted on 09/18/2009

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My son is just turning 3 in december and my second baby is due in January. I think this is the best time to have another because i still have loads of things i have kept from the first one which means your not paying out as much this time round and also my son starts nursery in January which is really nice timing it means that i get a few hrs alone with the new baby. It also means that there inst such a big age gap between tham either and you'll probably find they will get on better so i say GO FOR IT xx

Amy - posted on 09/18/2009

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There is rarely a "perfect time" if ever. So if you and your hubby are thinking about it, then perhaps now is a good time!

Anne - posted on 09/18/2009

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My first andsecond are spaced a little 0ver 3 1/2 years and we love it!!!!!!!!!!! I would not want mine closer than 2 1/2 years a part....good luck in your decision! :)Anne

Anne - posted on 09/18/2009

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My first andsecond are spaced a little 0ver 3 1/2 years and we love it!!!!!!!!!!! I would not want mine closer than 2 1/2 years a part....good luck in your decision! :)Anne

Keri - posted on 09/18/2009

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Hi! I have to say having a 16 mo.yr old when pregnant is not the easiest, however, now that he is almost 3 and my youngest is 16mo. it is really cool to see their bond. My oldest is 6 and having 3 yr age difference was nice b/c only 1 was in diapers. And he was such a good roll model for my 2 yr old and now all 3 get along so well. It really is just a personal preference waiting or not, mine was a surprise but I am happy to be done and now I can enjoy them!

Mary Beth - posted on 09/18/2009

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I can only share my own experiences. My sons are 16 months apart, and now are 12 & 11 yr old. Nothing prepares you for the challenge of the first 3 months -- its just hard to juggle the multitudes of emotions, adjusting to juggling two children instead of just one, dialing back the attention you have to give to your oldest, accepting that you can't give the undivided attention to your infant as you did to your oldest......it is imparative to accept that things will still be great with the limited time you have to give, just as long as you take care of yourself in the mix. But somewhere around 3 months, my infant gained a little independance and I was able to carve out individual one-on-one time for each of my boys. All changed then because then I could enjoy them together, and bond with them individually. My two boys have grown up as best of friends, very close brothers, and we have enjoyed so much of the world together because they have had similiar interests and enjoyed them at the same time. I know others have prefered to space it out more, but this has worked very well for us : )

Autumn - posted on 09/18/2009

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I really like the span of almost 3 years between my boys. I would have liked it to have been a little more like 3 1/2 years, but God stepped in there! :) Obviously it is a personal decision, but I really appreciate that my older son can and did help with my younger son and they play together really well now that they are 5 and 2. Good luck!

Gayathri - posted on 09/18/2009

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hvin a kid is a big commitment.....and if ur not there mentally AND physically fit for it then take ur time till u get ther...coz 2 means a whole lot of juggling...on the other hand the elder one will hv the sibling at the right time..meanin when he startes to explore other friendships/relationships......but it also depends on if he is managable..u no...like my elder one was a very fiesty...fussy and demanding child so we waited till he was almost 4yrs..so ..go ahead if all feels fine....all the best....take care..

Denise - posted on 09/18/2009

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Just remember one is fun and two or more is work... An old lady told me this 15 yrs ago... Boy is she right! I have four children the first two are 19months apart, and then four yrs. apart and then 2.5yrs. apart.... I love it sometimes... As for your question you are never ready just let it happen if God decides it will happen then it will ... Good Luck



Denise

Joan - posted on 09/18/2009

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What are you waiting for? There is no right time. If emotionally you and your hubby are OK, financially you can manage, then go for it! The younger you are having kids, the better for them - from an energy perspective. When you look around you at other families, you will see that 2-3 years is often the time difference between kids. I think this is how most women feel. Enjoy and hope everything goes well!

Louise - posted on 09/18/2009

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I have two boys they are 2 years and 10 days apart, I would really recommend having your children closer in age. It is a bit tougher in the beginning but you reap the benefits later! Yes of course they squabble at times but all siblings do, but they say their brother is their best friend and always hug and kiss before bedtime and before school. You go for it, good luck.

Laura - posted on 09/18/2009

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My 4 are under 2 years apart (our daughter was 22 months when our triplets were born) and while it was soooo hard when they were infants, life is good now at 6 and 4...they are the best of friends and play great together for the most part! I think 2-3 years is a good age difference...hard in the ealry years but worth it in the later years. I have 2 sisters and they are 18 months apart, I 4 and 5 1/2 years younger and we had ZERO to do with each other until I hit my 20's.



Best Wishes with your decision!

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