To work? Or not to work? That is the question...

Meagan - posted on 06/09/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am a 25 year old mother of a 2 and a half year old. I have been working full-time for the same company for 2 years. I also am the co-owner of a photography company in Kitsap County, Wa. I have a very solid support system at home, including a wonderful husband and very helpful parents. However, lately I have noticed the lack of time spent with my daughter. I work odd hours, while my poor husband works the grave-yard shift, and by the time either of us gets home, we are both so exausted and frustrated with our jobs, that neither of us have the energy to be active parents. We began to notice that our little one did not want to come home with us when we would pick her up from Nana's house. She didn't want to play with us when we would ask her, she just wanted to play alone. And when she was home with us, she was acting out. (Hitting, having a sassy mouth, and being stubborn) I have been on a leave of absence from my job for about a week and have noticed a VAST improvement in her attitude and manners. And also in MY OWN ability to give her the attention and patience that she requires. My husband and I have talked about it and we have agreed that I should not return to work and that I should focus on spending time with her and growing my photography business. He has suggested that he pick up some over-time at work to make up for my working from home. While I appreciate his offer, I do not want him to exaust himself further, and of course do not want to put a strain on our relationship with financial troubles. I know, for sure that I do not want to continue to work for the company that I am currently with, but I feel badly for putting all of the financial responsibility on him. I need advice...should I go back to work Full-time and continue to miss out on important time with my child? Or should I stay home and potentially cause our family financial hard-ship? My business is starting to become more successful, but it is not steady income at this point. I have applied for several part-time positions. However, I am the kind of person who invests herself in any job she has, which increases the potential for full-time or advancement. While the income would be wonderful, I want to spend time with my daughter. Please help me to make this difficult decision. Thank you!
-Mom with Mixed Emotions...


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Linda - posted on 08/12/2013




All children go through phases as they learn to adjust to the day to day routines and it sounds like your child has learned to manipulate your emotions by withdrawing from you or acting out when you come home. I don't mean that in a negative way, it's just kids minds and how they perceive things and emotions. They do not know totally what it is all about yet. Just continue to show her love and support when you have to be gone and do not allow her to continue the emotional manipulation of you and your husband. By your reaction, she will learn that behavior is not acceptable and soon you will begin to see changes in the behavior. It is normal for children not to want to leave nana's house though. Your mom must be a very loving person and you are blessed to have her. Your choice is not easy and I pray a peace for you as you search for the answer.

Malia - posted on 06/09/2010




Hi, Meagan. I know where you're coming from; I returned to work after my 4yo was born, and although I didn't get the acting out, etc, I felt guilty because my husband and I were so tired when we got home from work and we felt like we were all missing out on some amazing time together. I was laid off from my last job 2 years ago, and I've LOVED being home. Although my son attends day care, I frequently go with him and help out, and I have my 4 month old with me all day. I'm struggling with the idea of returning to work. Like you, the financial difficulty is the main motivator, so I'm currently exploring work-from-home options.

If you can make the finances work, by all means take advantage of the chance to spend more time raising your daughter. I'd recommend developing a spending plan so you can "trim the fat" until your business reaches your target income.

Michelle - posted on 06/09/2010




I understand your concern. It is a problem that most of us moms face at one point or another. Have you had time to sit down and make up a budget with only your husbands income? If you have what kind of strain are we talking about? Does it mean bills won't get paid or that you won't be able to dine out as often or buy the expensive stuff anymore? (not saying that you do that it is just a question. I am by no means trying to offend you) Does your husband have insurance with his company or is your insurance through your company? I am sure you have weighted your options. I just know that your daughter will only be little once and while money is great if you can sustain your current way of live with only a few losses it may be worth it. Good luck on your decision. I hope you are able to make one that fits your family's life style, your needs as a mom and your daughters needs.

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