Toddler throws a tantrum when she gets help from me!

Christina - posted on 08/31/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost 2.5 years old and I feel like she acts like a total teenager. I was researching OCD because I swear she has some form of it. SHE needs to put her clothes on and take them off- I can't help her. If I even attempt to help her arm out of the sleeve she throws a huge fit. If SHE doesn't FEEL like going to the bathroom, even when she knows that is the rule- if we leave the house we MUST go to the bathroom before, she throws a fit. If I lift her into the tub to take a bath, she throws a fit because SHE didn't do it herself. She even goes to the extreme for example if I put her shoes on and she wanted to do it, she will literarly take them OFF and put them on again with HER doing it! I don't get it. I tell her that it is okay for mommy and daddy to help her and that she is still a big girl even when she gets help.



Now, if someone else goes to help her that is totally fine. She listens to EVERYONE else and never throws a fit except with my husband and I. My mother in law watches her 3 times a week and she is always the "perfect angel." Lord knows what my daughter gets away with at her MiMi's house. THe other 2 days she goes to school where the teachers LOVE her because she is so wonderful.



Is this happening with anyone else?? Please tell me I'm not the only one with a toddler this compulisve!!!!

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Elfrieda - posted on 08/31/2012

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I think you might have a toddler on your hands. :) I think it's a healthy part of their development, they need to become independent and that's a good thing.



I've noticed the same thing that Dove said, if my son does many things by himself it isn't such a catastrophe when I want to help him with something. Like the carseat, it's his job to buckle the chest buckle ("one click!") and my job to buckle the bottom part ("two click!") I just reinforce that he has a job and I have a job to do every time we get in. I try to give him some work in everything that goes on, like he is in charge of pulling the wet clothes out of the washer (frontloading), putting the dirty clothes in, and turning it on, but I pour the detergent and tell him when to do these things. Actually I like that part because I'm pregnant and the less bending I do, the happier I am! :) As for the undressing, since he can't get his arms out of his shirt without a lot of frustration, I will hold his sleeve and coach him to pull, and then I let him pull the shirt over his head by himself. Often I just let him keep that day's shirt on instead of pjs if he seems like he'll throw a fit... it doesn't really matter to me, so why not.



And I agree, it's like helping him is punishing him. But he's sooooo sloooow. I try to leave lots of time to get places because if we rush and I have to push him too much and do too many things for him it's tantrum city over here.

Dove - posted on 08/31/2012

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She's normal. The more you can let her do and choose for herself... the less she will fight you when you NEED to help her. Theoretically, at least. ;)

Amy - posted on 08/31/2012

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Sounds like my daughter 6 months ago, she's 2 1/2 now. It's completely normal toddler behavior. They want to do it themselves because they realize they are independent people and they see everyone else around them doing it. I just started giving myself more time to get things done during this phase, so if I knew I needed to leave at a certain time I added 20 minutes so my daughter could do it herself. It's a phase and will pass so just be patient.



The reason she acts this way with you and your husband is because she's most comfortable with you. Again it's completely normal for parents to see the worst in their child and everyone else gets the nice sweet little girl :)

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