Janey - posted on 03/23/2015 ( no moms have responded yet )
Single mother of twins... Since birth my kids dad has been around just not present and active with our twins. He is in a relationship with another women and share kids with her also. Since birth the kids father has been in and out of the kids lives. However in their young age say 5 and under he only ever saw them here and there, was never planned visits it was just by chance. Now that the kids are now aged 7 their father has been making an attempt to see them.
Agreeing for this to happen knowing our complicated relationship circumstance was huge for me. It took a lot of thinking to say yes. I then let a close friend and family in on what was decided for the boys to finally spend time with their dad. One was happy, one was skeptical due to his past actions. He would come and go as he pleased to his convenience. It had been a pattern for years even up until now. I again decided NO, he begged, he cried, he gave me reassurance that this is legit, he was making changes and so forth. I believed and turned around and said YES. From the very start I never wanted to bring my twins into the world fatherless and that he knew, so I appreciate him for FINALLY making the move ....... HOWEVER ...
Mid last year plans went underway and he was being consistent in spending time with his kids, first few visits they met him as my friend and we hung all together because I wanted them to feel comfortable with him before leaving them alone with him. When I found they made the bond etc we then told them that he is their father. The twins were beyond happy. Following that they kept seeing their father when planned just them and him and it was all good.... we kept a strict co-parenting relationship and it was all good to go...... UNTIL .....
He went COLD MIA (Missing In Action) for a good 2 months he was seeing the boys, openly, his partner knew about it so I didn't see where anything went wrong? No contact no nothing. Again prime example of what my friend mentioned in regards to past habbits creeping up and now affecting his life with his kids? I left him to be did not bother him, a month later, I texted to see if everything was ok? No reply. Xmas came, nothing, new years and nothing? And NOW ..... he has suddenly appeared back saying he still wants to be apart of the kids lives?
What bothers me the most is how he goes and comes back like I will ALWAYS just let him. This pattern of "COME&GO" is what he done to me. Before I let him see the kids I told him do not hurt my kids, do not treat them like doormats. And now look? I told him I will never stop him from seeing them. If he wants to then they will always be there BUT if this is what its going to be like? Him just having his fun while it lasted then BREAK and then come back then ahhhmmm do my kids deserve a father who will only father to his convenience? How can I guarantee that he won't do this to them AGAIN? I appreciate his efforts because every child deserves two parents.
What to do?