Torn between leaving my kids and moving out of state

Lisa - posted on 03/22/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old recently moved with my ex husband. He is upset because he thinks I chose my current husband over him, which I didn't.. He is being brainwashed by his dad into going against me. He doesn't talk to me and wants nothing to do with me. I just received a job transfer to another state. It's a great opportunity. My son won't move with me.... He's my heart and torn. Help!

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Kellie - posted on 02/07/2016

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My kids are 21 and 23 and my 21 year old has 2 children of her own. My husband and I may re locate from Los Angeles to San Antonio TX in a few years.I have asked them if they would like to go with us but they want to stay in Ca. It's such a hard decision causing me to mentally go back and forth on this.

Lisa - posted on 03/23/2014

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That's good.. Unfortunately I won't be that close to my son... :( but I've made a plan of visiting at least 2 times a year for a few days... And there's the phone calls, webcams, etc also. Just leaving it in Gods hands and let Him lead the way.

Ev - posted on 03/23/2014

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I do but I also live close to my kids' dad as far as that goes..20 miles to be exact. It hurt when he wanted to take the kids for the sole reason of not paying child support plus he had resources I did not have. The point is, I developed an even stronger bond with my kids over time when we were together on weekends and holidays. And because of this, we are closer than we might have been otherwise. We learned to not take things for granted.

Lisa - posted on 03/22/2014

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Wow... So yuu understand my pain... I just hope when he gets older, he decides to come back to live with me where ever I am.

Ev - posted on 03/22/2014

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My daughter told the judge at 12 she wanted to go live with her dad at one point because of school. It hurt but I told her I would be okay. Do not dwell on the hurt for long. It will only make your relationship suffer. Think on the good of what you do have...I know what it feels like when your children are your world.

Lisa - posted on 03/22/2014

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Thank you Evelyn for your response. I understand what you're saying. I wouldn't force him to come with me. I won't put him thru the courts. He is old enough to make his own opinion. It just hurts me.

Ev - posted on 03/22/2014

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Let me say that I am sorry things are working out for you this way and I do hope it works out in the best interest of the boy. I say this because its not about you or his dad at this point. First you said he was upset because you say he thought you were choosing your new husband over him and that you did not. You have to understand that at 12 years old he is more than old enough to form an opinion and understand what he feels. You do not know what goes on in his head at all. Maybe you did or said something that made him feel like this and he just has not told you yet. HIs whole world has changed again since you and his dad are not together anymore, and bringing in a new man into the picture might be making this boy think you are replacing his father too. Its an assumption at best but I have kids who have had two step moms in the last 12 years so I do know something about it. Your son most likely feels misplaced in all this. But AGAIN, he is 12 and can voice his own concerns. Second, you said he was brainwashed by his dad. I think that is more how you feel about things not about the child. Again, he is old enough to understand a bit of what is going on so maybe he has talked to his dad and his dad offered moving in with him as an option. Third, your new job offer out of state sounds good, but before you go to court to force your son to move with you keep in mind that his father has to agree to the child moving with you as well as the judge. Your son may also be of an age to tell a judge what he wants out of this and the judge might just let it happen. This is no longer about you and dad and the new husband, its about the boy and what is in his best interest and what makes him feel better.

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