Torn Between The Two

Beautiful - posted on 09/05/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a newlywed torn between my husband and two teenage children. I've been married 3 months now to my wonderful husband! I've raised my 19 yrs old daughter and 17 yrs old son to practically grown, all by myself and have done a wonderful job with the both of them, my daughter attends UTKnox University and my son is in his last year of high school. Because I raised my children on my own and was mother and father to them, I gave them that extra love as it their was a father in the picture, so in the process my children are use to me being their sole provider. I've tried to get my kids to understand that I have raised them to be a fine young lady and young man and that it is time that I start living for me and enjoying myself with my husband. My husband loves the kids and would do anything for them but he also feels that they are young adults that need to start being responsible for their lives which I can understand where he is coming from. Me and my children have had only each other for a long time before me and my husband started dating so me trying to let go is kinda hard for me and them being so dependent on me is hard for them. My husband has no kids and doesn't understand the process it will take to ween my kids from me in a sense. But I also know how important it is to instill in my children that they are young adults and its time for them to gain responsibility for themselves and that if they need me, I will be there for them, but for them to also know that they cannot look to me for every need that they have just some needs. They will have to work to provide for themselves at some point......it's a way of life that they will have to grasp. My husbands thinks my children are spoiled and they are kinda because they are always needing and wanting to the point where I can do nothing for myself which is getting rather irritating and selfishness towards me! I admit that I do get defensive when it comes to my children and Inknow too that At some point I have to let go a little. I don't want a wedge between my husband and I and the kids, I just don't know what to do really because I am all my kids have plus I don't want to ruin my marriage to my FANTASTIC husband! What am I to do? TORN

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Kim - posted on 09/05/2013

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Time for tough love. Help when you can afford to, when you have the time, and if it is necessary. Otherwise, you might set them up for failure. Set some boundaries all of you can agree on, so they know when it is OK to ask for help. Always give advice, though. That is free and easy.

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Gena - posted on 09/05/2013

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First of all great job that you have done being a single mom.I think that maybe if you can sit down and tell them how much you love them but that its time for them to start depending on them selves abit more could help.Explain to them why you cant always help and that you will help if they really need it.Also let them know that you love them and your husband and that you need time with your hubby but you will aslo spend time with them.Good luck to your family

Beautiful - posted on 09/05/2013

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Thank you so much Kim.....straight and to the point! I will do that! ;-) GOD Bless You ;-)

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