Tripped and fell while holding toddler

Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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This morning when I was leaving my house I tripped and fell on my knees while holding my toddler daughter. She was absolutely fine because I braced her against my body and made sure to fall on my knees. I knew I was going to fall because my boot got caught on something and I was kind of in a weird clumsy process of trying to get uncaught but keep walking and carrying her at the same time. My fiancee then came and stared at me and said "You stupid bitch you could've killed her."

Should I really feel like that's true? She was okay. I swear not a bone in her body was hurt and I am a very concerned mother I always check her all over anytime she falls or hits something. She was perfectly cradled against me with her arms and legs around me and I had one arm protecting her head and neck and my other one wrapped firmly around her body. I simply fell to my knees and got up it was no big deal. She didn't cry until he called me a name in a very mean tone.

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Liz - posted on 04/04/2013

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I'd be concerned at the tone your fiancé took with you. A normal, loving response would have been to enquire whether you and your daughter were okay!

Calling you names in front of your toddler is damaging to her as well as you.

Is he often this uncaring, mean and rude? Frankly, if so, I'd be laying down the law about how this is unacceptable... or I'd be walking away.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/04/2013

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WOWZA! It was an accident. No one means to fall, especially when they are holding their own child. I almost really fell on my child while I was holding her. I don't know how I stopped myself from coming down right on top of her, or almost throwing her. She was asleep in my arms and I was carrying her to her crib, and my feet got tangled up in a blanket. I got hurt pretty bad and did indeed fall while she was in my arms. She stayed asleep....no idea how though.

It happens. There is no reason for him to be verbally abusive. That concerns me that he is like this all the time with you. I hope not.

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2013

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I think he actually wants me to go. That's why he treats me that way. He just absolutely can't stand me so he's treating me like crap so I will just leave... I can't quite understand why he'd buy me an entirely unaffordable engagement ring and a house all in the same month if that's what he wants but I think he is so rational in all other aspects of his life that his irrational side comes out in relationships. Gosh I wish I could find his ex wife and ask her about him, because all the stories I've heard were about her being so terrible and all the counselors telling them they shouldn't get married because she was crazy... I honestly think HE drove her crazy and no one but her knows the truth.

I don't know what to do because I don't like leaving just because someone else wants me to, i want it to be for me.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2013

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I know all of this, but he has dirt on me too because one night when my daughter was staying at his parent's house and we went out, I got so sick of him treating me that way that i just beat the crap out of him. I can't reverse that and I am not that kind of person, but now he has that on me. I completely feel like he deserved it though even though I now feel very guilty and disgusting for it. But here's the thing, would another man put up with a man calling him all those names, would it not cause a physical fight?

I knew that was the point I should have left. I don't know what to do... I am a single mom, making $12 an hour, trying to finish school, with no time for anything. Also because I have been in college for so long I am no different now at 24 almost 25 than I was at 18. I am really afraid of what my life will hold down either path. I just keep telling myself I was single in the beginning and planned on staying single (meeting him was not in the plan) and I was going to do whatever it took to make it with my daughter. However I just really don't want to be lonely. If I really do love him it is worth it to stick around and fix things. I guess... idk... I can't stand either one of my parents' spouses at all other wise I'd just go live with one of them. I don't have any real friends because I have been so busy for the past 7 years with a full time job and school... I don't even know how I had time to get pregnant... that's a whole other story to be honest. I truly am all alone with just my daughter and it's really scary. I have terrible separation anxiety when I'm away from my fiancee because I was alone for my pregnancy and almost died in child birth... That's why I turn to this web community so often. I'm very scared and alone and I just feel like there is no time for me to figure anything out. I cry all the time and my coworkers tell me constantly I look stressed, tense, upset, depressed, unhealthy... I can't even get these words out when I am at the counselor's office, he talks too much and wastes my appointment time when I really can't even afford the $30 a week to be there. I wish so badly that someone would reach out to me and help me. Sometimes all I can think about is just how much I want someone to hold me and kind of rock me back and forth and tell me it's all going to be okay. My fear and my struggles have brought me to this infantile state. I was strong once but now I am really just too far gone to have any strength and I really need outside help.

Liz - posted on 04/04/2013

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Here's the thing though. You love who he was. He isn't that man anymore. For there to be any chance of fixing your relationship, he has to be made aware of how his behaviour has changed and is now unacceptable...and he then has to want to change and take steps to do so. Permanently.

It worries me that you say he continues to be sweet and gentle to everyone else but you. This tells me that he has got used to treating you like dirt and is unlikely to change. Is it really worth holding on to him in the circumstances?

If he won't change, you're just setting yourself up for a lifetime of being a victim and will teach your daughter by example that it is okay for men to act like this towards women. The fact that you are already considering blaming yourself proves that you have been a victim for too long. You're settling for a grim life and a harsh road, not just for you but for your daughter.

I can't counsel you strongly enough to get help, get a grip on your finances and make plans for what you will/would do if/when the relationship ends.

Also, tell yourself this each and every day: NO woman should have to be a doormat. EVERY woman deserves better than that.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2013

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Aww that's really sweet of him. When I'm sick or hurt my fiancee tells me I shouldn't have been making bad choices.

It is really getting next to me. I love him for the person he was when we first met. I want him to be that man again. I can't stand the thought of us breaking up and him treating another woman better than me, or worse, treating her like he treats me. I just want to fix what we have, especially when I see how much my daughter loves him. I left my daughter's biological father while I was pregnant because he was mean and mentally abusive and refused to step up to the plate, so it's obviously not very hard for me to let go of some one. I just really love my fiancee and I want to figure out what I can do to help him get a grip. The worst part is that his family is absolutely oblivious to this side of him, they think he is the sweetest most gentle man alive, and he was when I met him and he is to everyone else he knows.

Amy - posted on 04/04/2013

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Wow since your fiance is so controlling I would be reconsidering marrying him until he get's his anger under control. Accidents happen and Liz is right a natural caring result would of been, "are you ok". Even my soon to be ex husband (who I filed against) asks me if I need anything when I'm sick or hurt.

Liz - posted on 04/04/2013

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Elizabeth, this sounds as if you are in an abusive relationship and you need to ask yourself if that is what you want for you and your daughter.

Seeing a counselor is great, but it should be you and your fiancé going together for relationship counseling. If he doesn't want to go, then that's a big red flag right there.

Meanwhile, if he is abusive to you, it is NOT your fault that he is this way.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/04/2013

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Thank you Liz. Yeah he is. I saw a counselor about it because I am starting to feel like it is my fault. I love him and I know he does love me. I know we have both been through a lot before we met each other, but I cannot stand being disrespected like this. My daughter's daycare has a trained medical assistant (really don't know what to call some one who is below a nurse but know enough about child injuries to do it everyday in a daycare center) and I had her look my daughter over when I dropped her off this morning and she said "She looks okay, we will call you if we notice any strange behaviour, other than that she seems to responsive and not in any pain."

So in any case I don't think she is hurt. I think I am okay with not taking her to the doctor and I think my fiancee needs to back off a little bit and let me do my thing. He sure didn't offer to help with anything or turn on a light for me (he was ahead of me as we were both leaving for work this morning and I tripped cause I can't see in the dark at all)... bottom line is that I had no help with preventing it and I never have help getting our daughter to daycare so I think I deserve a little more respect. And now I have a sharp pain radiating from my ankle to my hip, but I doubt he cares.

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