Trouble adjusting to being a Step mom

Whitney - posted on 06/12/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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My Boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now. He has 2 Children, A 5 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old son. I Myself have a 4 yr old son and a 2 yr old daughter. We live together and plan to one day be married so as far as i am concerned his children are my children and mine his. In the time we have been together the transition into being a family has gone fairly well, until the last few months. His children have gotten more distant and difficult with me recently. Something that i attribute mostly to their mother and her escalating "Episodes". Unfortunately for them their mother is a less than desirable parent. She has recently divorced from her second husband who was not very good for the kids and gave us the impression that she was on a path to being a better parent. Sadly that is not so. She has become terribly stressed due to working nights and being a single mother of 3. This has lead her to be very selfish, Very short to anger with the kids and a lot more absent from their lives. When she does take the kids she often calls screaming at how terrible the kids are. Shes gone so far as to call her children very inappropriate names often in front of them. I know that this is having a detrimental affect on the kids and there is at this time nothing we can do to further limit her visitation. Though it does seem that shes coming to a point in her life where she doesnt want to be a mother of 3 and one day soon may step out of their lives all together. This is where my difficulties have started to arise from....
Now that there are at most times 4 children in our home, 2 of which have not much respect for my authority, I am having a hard time adjusting. I know that they are acting out and behaving poorly due to the emotional stress of having a mother who makes them feel unwanted, But this is all new territory and i am not sure how to navigate it. I know that they are better off here full time But at the same time i am a 25 yr old women who stays at home 24/7 with kids and really doesn't have any close friends to spend any free time with. This is the life that i have chosen and I love ALL my children, But i NEED to figure out how to adjust/cope with being a mother of 4. And a step mom to children who see me as an intruder and their mother as a saint.

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