trouble in-law! always making sure we stay miserable, help!

Nancy - posted on 06/30/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Root-Cause: Mother-in-law, who has major insecurity issues about beauty, cooking, housekeeping, and bond between a husband and wife. Played me so nice all this time with her rumors about my cooking, work, and now my kids. Finally, all these spread gossip coming back to us and family seems to believe it. She told everyone I don't pick her calls anymore but no-one understands that after finding out we're pregnant she called me everyday to ask about if I have started bleeding and then she would give me graphic details on how her friend miscarried several times, she knew I was shy, nervous, and too naive to put her straight, then within couple of weeks I started bleeding but fortunately it stopped, she said I got scared and believe took expensive item that has been missing when I was on bed rest, wth! She made calls to undermine and bullied me to have a babygirl, always throwing indirect insults on me, finding out our plans then manipulating it by overriding with fake invitations to parties/weddings. She told everyone i can't cook and when people try my food they love it so she had skipped my dinner invites and thrown away my giveaway food and tells people that I don't invite them or make anything for them. She told everyone that she will raise my baby as I will be at work and she tells me that people were bothering her by asking so she told others at her will that I will go back to work. Since after post-pregnancy, I had no belly, she stares at me a lot, and told me I look so weak. And after everyone complemented me over and over how beautiful I looked at every party, then she's has told everyone that I am weak. She also finds something is wrong with our kid as he does not call her grandma on his own, every encounter she repeats her name grandma grandma grandma grandma in his ears while he plays, they never send birthday presents to kids instead they just want to be invited to they can get involve in our social network. Now, they are very concerned about our well-being apparently and did not like when my husband confronted them to stop the gossip and rumors. Now, they are praising everyone openly but us! Need strategies to either beat her at her own game or get her to stop. We want to see them often and they don't seem to respect us and our authority over our kids at all. I like spending time with them despite her games and now getting frustrated to come to a point where I treat them as nobody. DH is not so good at showing united front.

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Sofia - posted on 07/06/2016

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You need to cut them off asap. It's your husbands job to deal with his parents and side of the family. He needs to shield you. You can't make something out of nothing. The cozy, comfy-loving extended family won't happen. Realize this and you are better able to cope. Cyber Bullying? Block them! Don't read, don't engage. Get them out. Preserve your integrity. If someone wants to repair things, they can come to you but be aware that may not happen. You've gotta stop paying attention, right? Right.

Sofia - posted on 06/30/2016

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Unfortunately, they won't stop. I'm sorry, it's a shame but they won't change. People spreading rumors are the one who look bad. Don't respond and tell others you don't want to hear about them.

Sofia - posted on 06/30/2016

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Why would you want to visit them often? They treat you bad. Your husband is your man, he needs to tell them to back off. And you need to back off. Don't visit. Don't make something that doesn't exist.

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Nancy - posted on 07/07/2016

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DH is not so good at it to tell his parents they are way out of line. Its my MIL who's been very insecure and manipulative behind the curtain. She voice her opinion to FIL and he broadcasts it to the world without using commonsense. All my inlaws except MIL were so nice and courteous towards me to the point they use to speak out loud about how easy going drama free person I am, BIL would spill beans on my face that MIL says more lie than the truth right in front of her, she would look at me in the moment as if she's smelling garbage. She started making noise about I can't cook right after my BIL + FIL praised my cooking. She really isn't good at making major meals, so she started ditching my invites and FIL was unaware of this. He said that I don't invite them over and I told him MIL excused. After kids, she already made my FIL expect that they will babysit our child everyday since I'm not good at anything. on the otherhand, She told me to keep my kids away from FIL as he's not reliable to handle kids without supervision. So I did not let both of them babysit my kids, FIL flipped and allied with her. BIL use to compliment me on small things, now he's more of a stranger. Bond between MIL and FIL has gotten very stronger since after we had kids. Now they talk to each other, they go to movies, they sit in a same room too now, but she tells everyone they are not close to each other. During my first pregnancy she would sneak her hand around my belly all the time and this disgusted me to the point I started feeling being sexually harassed by her because she did put her hands on my full-term belly and shook it hard, imagine the shock and pain? She knew I was a shy and naive girl and will not make any noise about her behavior towards me but this is not the case anymore as I encounter with her exactly the same way as she has been. When we used to visit them, she would sit right close looking at me while rolling her eyes at me on every backstabbing statement she made about others, so after few years I realized her eyes takes 360 turns only when she's looking at me, she just sits quiet and smiles while talking to BILs wife, so I started rolling my eyes at her too, exactly the she was doing, and the look on her face was priceless! she looked shocked, confused, and surprise. She did not dare roll her eyes at me since then! She points fingers at others physique while she's not even close to average physique. I am now aware of her more than before and really don't want to be around her, I don't want my kids to learn all this drama and games. I was raised on simple life rules and want my kids to be easy going too, this will make their lives happy with their significant others. Cyber bullying - FIL commenting on family member's post indirectly pointing fingers at us about our well-being and health. We are perfectly normal like an average person.

Nancy - posted on 07/06/2016

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Good thanks for asking, trying to ignore their cyber bullying. Now apparently the whole world is being praised except us. I see people around them are only believing their ears over eyes. All this time, I was more into being a close knit family member with them and to my surprise as I sit back and observe, I only see them treat me as I hold no value as a person, no respect. They can play the nicest in-law to the world but they haven't been nice to me in last few years, I have ignored nasty looks, out-of-line questions, believed their lies, not anymore. If they want to be part of our lives, they need to improve their ethics, and gossiping habits. Right?

Nancy - posted on 06/30/2016

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yes he did told them to stop and now they are making noise even more and telling other people we need therapy :(

we don't see them much but they are telling everyone our kids have special needs, and it is so sad that they don't realize they are the ones who need professional therapy to overcome jealous and hatred and to accept our happiness and accomplishment.

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