trouble with my 9 year old boy being wimpy

Robin Jane - posted on 05/05/2012 ( 21 moms have responded )

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Is any one else having trouble with their sons being a little wimpy? I will explain more in conversation.
Plus my son doesn`t want to hang out with his friends.

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[deleted account]

I have to be honest - I've never heard of a child going through a normal "phase" where their whole personality changes, and that appears to be what you are describing. If your son is shy when he wasn't before, afraid of things he used to do, and hates his friends, I would definitely think something is very wrong. My first thoughts would be bullying or some sort of abuse. If it was me, I think I'd describe the situation to the pediatrician and ask him the best way to handle it. Just for reference, I have 2 boys, both older than 9. One of them could be described as "overly sensitive" at times, but that is his consistent normal personality, not a sudden change. It's the change, rather than the "sensitivity" or "wimpiness" that would concern me.

Medic - posted on 05/06/2012

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When all your giving is bits and pieces at a time then it is taken how it is taken. If you want to get advice then it behooves you to put it all out there.

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2012

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Honestly (and I'm going to be frank here), I would worry quite a lot that it was down to either bullying or some sort of abuse, be it mental or physical/sexual. A sudden change in behavior like that is a huge red flag, and I'd second the recommendation to seek some professional help. Try not to push him to talk, though, as the more you do that the more likely he is to clam up. Often an abuser uses the 'if you tell your mom/dad/teacher/etc, things will get worse for you' tool. I'd try to find a third party who is trained to deal with such situations.

Tracy - posted on 05/07/2012

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My 9 year old is similar in the way he changed over friends, and got very picky in what he would do, touch eat etc. It was all down to bullying! He denied it for what felt like ages so I went I to the school. They told me there had been quite a few incidents at school that he was caught up in (never started) and it had deeply affected him. These were resolved quickly and thankfully he is back to the happy person he was before it started.

If you have any doubts about problems at school go talk to them

Kate - posted on 05/07/2012

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I have to agree with other posters that it's worth a mention to the pediatrician. It could be bullying, anxiety, perfectionism, or something else that can show up at any age. My son is 8 and tends to have anxiety about certain things and sounds similar to some things you are describing, especially when he gets picked on at school. He gets very upset at the mention of push-ups because he 'doesn't know how to do them the right way' and got told by his gym teacher that he 'failed at push-ups' because he isn't doing them right, but wasn't shown the right way. Now when I try to show him a push-up, he falls to pieces. He also gets bullied about this at school. As far as the friend situation, if you are friends with Brandon's mom, can the 4 of you get together to do something? Maybe that will let you see some of the dynamics that are going on or at least prompt your son to talk about it more with you. Good luck! I know this is heartbreaking for a mom and I hope you find some answers.

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Carissa - posted on 05/07/2012

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it sounds like something bad has happened to him, either the kids were picking on him or maybe it was something embarrassing or even sexual. I would definitely try a counselor and I probably wouldn't take him to the school one as he might think that person might tell the other kids etc. good luck

Robin Jane - posted on 05/07/2012

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Thanks , very helpful.
We have an appointment next week with the pediatrician. I will keep everyone posted about the progress.

Robin Jane - posted on 05/07/2012

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Thanks, We have an appointment next week with the pediatrician. Can`t wait.!
Some Wonderful news though, yesterday a few of my sons friends came to the door and asked him to play outside. He said no, and they left.

A few minutes later he said he told me he wanted to go out, ....he did ! for a few minutes and seemed much happier.

Even if it is a few minutes at a time that would be great.
Now I have to find out why he has also become very overly clingy with me in public.
Poor child acts so frightened, hangs on me or behind me clinging to me or my shirt, jacket...
When I went to his last parent /teacher interview a month ago, he sat there with his head down the whole time, did not answer the teacher, did not look up once.
Could it be that he is just extremely bashful sometimes more than other times?
Because he has had no trouble in the past to read in front of the class, or do anything like that
Thanks so much for your response and insight, very helpful.

Laurie - posted on 05/07/2012

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Most communities have income based counseling centers and I would really consider that for him. It sure couldn't hurt. I would be afraid he wouldn't talk to you or to someone with the school but trained professionals may be able to get him to open up. I would be worried about abuse or bullying too...especially his fear to walk home now. It's a cruel world some times. You're a good mother to notice and ask for advice.

Jackie - posted on 05/07/2012

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I would call his teacher and then maybe the guidance counselor at his school and see if they can help you. If this is truly a sudden change then something is wrong. A mother always knows. An overly sensitive child could have Asperger's too - but that is not usually a sudden change - but can be more noticeable as being odd during elementary school. Good luck and I hope you can help him get through this!

Jodie - posted on 05/07/2012

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It would probably be better to refer to him as being "overly sensitive" rather than "wimpy".
It sounds to me that he's suffering some sort of anxiety. His friends may have said or done something that upset your son without actually realising they'd upset him. Or it may be completely unrelated to his friends.

I wouldn't question him too much about it, instead draw your clues from observation.

Robin Jane - posted on 05/07/2012

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Thanks, When I asked him why he doesn`t want to play with his friends no more, he just shrugs his shoulders and doesn`t say anything. My son doesn`t like to talk about his inner feelings about much.
According to the teacher ,he is " very popular in class, even with the girls" lol

His friends around the neighbourhood will knock on the door asking him if he`s coming out to play, he just doesn`t want to.
The Mother of one of his best friends is asking me why my son doesn`t want to play with her son anymore.
Her son is " depressed over it " ..." Mom ,Brandon doesn`t like me anymore"....
That broke my heart , I consoled her , and said I would talk to my Brandon.
I let my boy know what his friends Mom said, my son responded " I hate him Mom".
He wouldn`t tell me why though.
I told my son that I would feel so hurt if someone said that about you my boy. We can`t let him or his Mom know that, or that would make them feel very sad....
I know kids can be friends one minute then hate each other the next, but this has been at least a year now. It`s not easy to move on, we are close by neighbours, meet into each other daily, work at the same place, our kids go to the same small school...they see each other everyday to...

[deleted account]

If he doesn't want to hang out with his friends, then my instinct tells me that the problem could be stemming from his peer group.

Jodi - posted on 05/06/2012

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"It`s bad enough that parents had alot of their power of parenting taken away from governmental institutions"

How have parents had their power taken away?

Anyway, I kind of agree that the term "wimpy" when describing your child comes across as a bit insulting, but if where you live it is considered acceptable, so be it.

You have done the right thing talking to the teacher. Is there no indication of any bullying? Just because he tells you there isn't, doesn't mean there isn't. It might be worth putting the teacher on alert about it. He is certainly displaying signs that something has happened, especially if this behaviour change is rather sudden.

Robin Jane - posted on 05/06/2012

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Too bad most people have to jump to the worst assumptions, I never judge a parent just because I see or hear one thing they may be doing that I don`t agree with.
I believe that the problem of today is that so many parents are too quick to point the finger at other parents, always looking for them to screw up in some aspect of their parenting.
It`s bad enough that parents had alot of their power of parenting taken away from governmental institutions, thank goodness for that , but not all parents are bad or mistreating their children just because they choose to use the simple term "Wimpy" .
After all it is a word that describes my concern about how I feel my child is now behaving.
That word signals the meaning of fear to me, and I need to help my child get out of that fear, and I need to understand first the basis of it.
Is anyone else seeing their child `s personality change so dramatically, within less than a year.
I will LOVE my child regardless. I just hope this new fear of many things including his friends is just a passing phase.
Nothing has changed at home, I talk with him , give him a chance to vent....Talked with his teacher, she is very supportive and says he is very shy at school.
I mentioned some details in my first posting, some words are acceptable to some Cultures to use.

Robin Jane - posted on 05/05/2012

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Oh no! I would never say anything to him to make him feel bad, or give him a complex.
I care about my son and I don`t want him to feel bad about himself.
The reason for the sit -ups ,is because I started something new with him and for myself, where when he plays video games or is on the computer, I make a gameout of it where every 45 minutes or every hour we start doing a few excersices like 10-20 jumping jacks, or 10-20 toe touches....but that day we were going to do a few sit-ups . I know he does them in school.
It was just my way of incorporating a good exersice routine along with video and computer games.
All was going great until the sit-ups. Anyways what is so wrong with my incorporating excersices, you should have waited for an explanation before you accused me of scrutinizing my very much loved son.
signed a very good but concerned Mother

Medic - posted on 05/05/2012

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Your son may just be sensitive. I would not let him hear you call him wimpy. Why do you care if he does sit ups?? He is only 9. If everything I did was scrutinized like that I would not feel like doing much either.

Robin Jane - posted on 05/05/2012

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He is afraid to do things that he wasn`t afraid of doing them in the past.
One example is last week I tried to get him how to do sit ups, he cried and said he couldn`t do it.
He is now afraid of bugs,
He won`t pick up our cat anymore, he used to do it all the time.
He refuses to walk home from school , he wants me to go pick him up, and we live 2 minutes away.
I asked him if he was being bullied .... he said no.
This is not how my boy used to be.
I still love him the same of course ,but I am worried that this behavior will hinder his enjoyment out of life.
Is anyone else having this experience with their 9 year old son,? is this a normal phase?...thanks

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