Cee - posted on 04/12/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
I feel like I am losing my mind. My heart is so broken and my world is upside down along with my stomach. Our family has never been perfect. My daughter is 17 yrs old and is currently in jail and likely going to prison... for a long time. She is so beautiful, bright and so smart. She has also always been a little on the wild side and has a very strong personality, always able to make friends easily and has always done basically whatever she wanted to do. I feel I put too much trust in her. She hasn't always made the best decisions but this time she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now her life is ruined. She isn't innocent by no means. I just do not know how to deal with these feelings I am feeling. She will likely go to prison for a long time. I feel so guilty. I want to lay on the cold floor just so I can feel closer to her. I want to take her place but I know that there are consequences with her actions. She must suffer those consequences. This is something that she will have to live with the rest of her life and I don't know if I can do this without her. She is my everything. I try to give her encouragement and even feel hopeful at times. Its an up and down rollercoaster and it dips really low sometimes. I need some advice. Anyone who can relate. My friends say that understand but they just keep reminding me that there is nothing that I can do. I know that there isn't anything I can do but be there for her and write her and send her money. She is such a sweet girl and to hear her cry and be sad and hungry....it just breaks my heart. Just when I feel I am beginning to get stronger and cope better, it feels like it is happening all over again. I pray, I turn to God and my faith in him makes my believe that we can get through this. I know I am not alone in this. every time I feel happy, it feels like someone is punching me in the stomach. I cant eat a good meal or be happy without feeling guilty because I know she will not get to enjoy these things with me for a long time. I want her back. I want her home. She is not the person that she is being made out to be. here in our state, the hand of one is the hand of all and I can not bear the thought that I will never see her again outside of an institution. Please help me understand.