Troubled

Cee - posted on 04/12/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I feel like I am losing my mind. My heart is so broken and my world is upside down along with my stomach. Our family has never been perfect. My daughter is 17 yrs old and is currently in jail and likely going to prison... for a long time. She is so beautiful, bright and so smart. She has also always been a little on the wild side and has a very strong personality, always able to make friends easily and has always done basically whatever she wanted to do. I feel I put too much trust in her. She hasn't always made the best decisions but this time she was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now her life is ruined. She isn't innocent by no means. I just do not know how to deal with these feelings I am feeling. She will likely go to prison for a long time. I feel so guilty. I want to lay on the cold floor just so I can feel closer to her. I want to take her place but I know that there are consequences with her actions. She must suffer those consequences. This is something that she will have to live with the rest of her life and I don't know if I can do this without her. She is my everything. I try to give her encouragement and even feel hopeful at times. Its an up and down rollercoaster and it dips really low sometimes. I need some advice. Anyone who can relate. My friends say that understand but they just keep reminding me that there is nothing that I can do. I know that there isn't anything I can do but be there for her and write her and send her money. She is such a sweet girl and to hear her cry and be sad and hungry....it just breaks my heart. Just when I feel I am beginning to get stronger and cope better, it feels like it is happening all over again. I pray, I turn to God and my faith in him makes my believe that we can get through this. I know I am not alone in this. every time I feel happy, it feels like someone is punching me in the stomach. I cant eat a good meal or be happy without feeling guilty because I know she will not get to enjoy these things with me for a long time. I want her back. I want her home. She is not the person that she is being made out to be. here in our state, the hand of one is the hand of all and I can not bear the thought that I will never see her again outside of an institution. Please help me understand.

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Raye - posted on 04/13/2015

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My friend's son went to jail for homicide. He was driving while on drugs and he hit another car and killed his GF and their child who were passengers in his car. He has spent nearly 20 years in jail (he was 25, now is 40-something) and I think he is supposed to get out in 2 years. It's been very hard for her, but she keeps in contact with him and tries to provide help where she can. They have had their ups and downs in their relationship over the years, but she's his mom, and still wants to be involved in his life. She's so afraid of when he's released, if he will fall back into drug use, or fall into depression because of the troubles he will face finding a job, etc. He made a stupid mistake when he was young, lost his loved ones, and lost nearly half of his life so far. It' sucks.

But all you can do is be there for your daughter. Your strength will help her through and hopefully keep her on the right path when she gets out.

Cee - posted on 04/12/2015

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It is very hard. She has never been in trouble with the law before. She was even getting to that point in her adolescence where she was accepted in to where she wanted to go to college. This was an actual case of wrong place at the wrong time. She didn't use her head. She made the wrong decision. Now, I feel like I am suppose to have an explanation for her when she asks me, "I am never getting out of here am I?" We also do not have the money for an attorney. A public defender is all we have. I just feel so sad. I write her letters everyday and always make sure she has a little bit of money but that's all I can do and I don't feel like its enough. I feel useless.

Ev - posted on 04/12/2015

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Murder? I am not going to play a guessing game with this. If she was accessory to a crime like that it does have a long prison time and not something that is easy to live with. I am not sure of the laws where you live on it or how long she has to be there, but all you can do right no is to support her and let her know you love her despite the fact she did whatever she did. if she gets the chance for parole, its going to be hard for her to get a job or be trusted by others. She will need support then too. I am not sure what else to tell you. Its hard when our kids make mistakes and have to learn from it on their own, but its much harder when they end up being involved in something that gives them a jail sentence.

Cee - posted on 04/12/2015

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Imagine the worst. She is innocent for the worst but was most definitely an accessory but I know my daughter and she had no idea that her actions would result in this.

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