Trying to conceive at 44? Looking for support. Just lost a baby, my first one.

Sharon - posted on 10/01/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Message looking to find out from others who are trying to conceive at 44. It will be my first child. I wish it more than anything. My life has brought many twists and turns and the opportunity never presented itself until I was 43, and met the right man. We were pregnant but I miscarried. It has been very difficult finding support. Most are very upset at the prospect of having a baby later in life. We have much to offer if a miracle does occur. Just wanted to reach out to hear from others..............



Changed my lifestyle, healthy eating etc.



Thanks to all of you for reading my post. May all your dreams come true.



Sharon

XOXO

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Sharon - posted on 10/02/2012

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You should be very proud of standing your ground with the odds against/for your daughter. Thank you for sharing.......I had wondered what that would be like......facing results where they are not sure if there could be a problem. It was difficult when I found out I was pregnant, they misdiagnosed a blighted ovum at the beginning and were encouraging me to end it right away due to my age. I waited and a fetus and heartbeat showed up later.........the little one just gave up fighting a few weeks later. It was a difficult experience.......with the exception of a kind doctor who helped me through the grief. Thank you for your messages Liz, it is nice to have someone to talk to :). I will keep trying and feel blessed to have at least a short experience with Motherhood. What a lucky daughter you have.......

Liz - posted on 10/02/2012

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I agree concerning disapproving medics. I raised the prospect of trying for a second baby (a miraculous long shot in my case, but still something my husband and I would have liked to do) and my OB-GYN shot me down with a very discouraging set of reasons why I shouldn't even think about it. He then said that a younger obstetrician might not agree with him, but that was his attitude. Now of course I wonder how much of his 'medical opinion' was down to an entrenched view in his generation of medics (he's in his 60s for sure) regarding older mothers.



If the tests came out well for you, hang in there, keep your head up and keep trying. Try not to stress - it's my opinion that stress is one of the biggest factors in unexplained difficulties with conception. Difficult, I know, when you cannot help but be stressed by your frustrating situation, but try your best.



As for the odds - while it is true that older women generally have less success and a diminishing pool of healthy ova - medical statistics have a tendency to reduce things down to a rather brutal form of mathematics. I had a 1:5 chance of a Downs baby (my age at conception did not help, as well as certain genetic markers) and just about everyone I knew wanted me to consider aborting. That's a whole different issue of course, but my point is this: 1 in 5 chance sounds horrendous, but that's still an 80% chance of a baby without chromosomal abormality and that's what my daughter turned out to be.



I think that older medics in particular look at the stats and just see it as number crunching, rather than taking into account the human dimension. I also think that there are still practicing medics of an older generation who retain somewhat misogynistic views, even in obstetric medicine, or views that pay far too much attention to society's view of what is normal.



I changed my OB-GYN and am now much much happier!

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2012

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Thank you Liz :) , I am working with an Ob-gyn, who has been kind. The medical community is still very cautious and discouraging about conceiving when you are older. My family is not very supportive. Going to talk to a fertility clinic but I am nervous about what more they can tell me. I have difficulty with the prospect of using donor eggs, it does not feel right for me. I would like to do things naturally if possible. All the tests came out really well from the OB-gyn. There is lots of misinformation in the media about conceiving over 40. We were able to conceive when we were told the odds were against us. It was difficult to the lose the baby, when I felt it may be my only chance. I am glad you were finally able to conceive, sorry you had such a long difficult journey to get there. You are very kind and a wonderful mother.

Liz - posted on 10/02/2012

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I am an older mother who conceived at 38 after having been told for 20 years that I was infertile, but other than that I don't have any experiences that are similar enough to yours to be able to give you specific support and advice. I just wanted to give you a verbal/virtual hug, because you're going through a difficult time and I feel for you.



Do you have the medical support of either a perinatologist or OB-GYN?

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