Trying to decide whether or not to let my mother back in my life

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My mother was basically uninvolved and emotionally absent untill she kicked me out when I was a senior in high school. I gave her chance after chance but was always let down and critized.I made the decision ten years ago to walk away. Since the death of my grand parents my mother is feeling her mortality and has express a desire to be back in my life but honestly I am very happy with my life . I do feel very sorry for her and feel slightly guilty that she is hurting. Any thoughts?

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Maddie - posted on 04/29/2013

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Hi Jennifer,

Why not give your mother another chance? People do change and maybe she has. If not, then you'll know you reached out to her in her time of need even if she wasn't able to respond the way you would have liked. If it's choice of risking yet another let down from mom or keeping your heart shut to her even though she's reaching out, I say, given that, faults and all, she is the only mom you have, it's worth the risk of reaching out.

Just approach with a open heart and with no expectations. The worst that can happen is that she's who you've always known her to be. But the best is that the two of you can finally establish a good relationship.

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Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2013

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Good point, she lives far away and Will only be here for the week so I have to make a decision soon

Linda - posted on 04/29/2013

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Meet her for lunch somewhere...without the kids at first. Try to get a sense of where she is coming from. Next year is a long way away. I wouldn't worry about that yet. I think Maddie is right. You might regret it down the road if you don't try. If you find she is unchanged or unapologetic, you can always walk away again.

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2013

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Maddie,
Thanks for your response. Part of my concern Is my children experiencing her conditional love. That is not an atmosphere I want for them. Besides that I am getting married next year and it would feel fake to have her there as mother of the bride when she never really has been. I am just afraid this would be pandora's box.

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