Trying to focus on being Thankful

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Being married-

The intoxicating surreal ness of signing your own name, the only name you have ever known, the name, to which you belong is no longer.
The first time you actually sign your new written and all things legal signature, is(was to me) a giddy excitement. All of your tween-age doodle fantasies have come true. All the times you sat in class doodling your name with your total soul mates last name while covering your work with your hand or folder. The end of a school year meant a graffiti laden trapper keeper. A hieroglyphic record of your lost potential husbands . Those notebooks that faithfully bare all your consideration of what lucky person's last name would totally complement yours.
It felt so right that you take his name. It so validates that you have found your soul mate. I mean, all those Eenie meenie, miney, mo games you played to determine comparability meant so much.
I can't remember a thrill, through out the whole wedding experience that topped the first time I legally signed my name, taking on his.
Being a self proclaimed all knowing, I've seen some bad sh$&t kinda girl, I had no clue the gravity of having a child with said soul mate that gave me his last name would mean in life.
Obviously, carrying and giving birth to a human life trumps every life experience ill ever have. ( plz know, I throw no shade at anyone else's experience or choices regarding chillen'). The first time I filled out some medical, wallet raping, form regarding our son, actually printing my son's name was so humbling and fulfilling yet worrisome to me. Did I deserve the privilege of guarding and molding such a precious gift from God? Who am I to decide what name he shall be called?( before deciding, soul mate and I played the rhyme game to determine future taunts).
The gift of marriage and creating a miraculous life together, is unbefitting of any expression I could convey.
Oh it's hard work! It (new short family member) changes your entire existence. The release of letting your needs go in lieu of anticipating and fulfilling the needs of your child. This may not be the healthiest for momma, but it's an example of the passion I feel toward that angel. ( judge free zone ladies xoxoxo).
I completely went off on a tangent here. Maybe a vent was necessary. I guess I just wanted to share that although I'm deep in the trenches of terrible twos (see extreme bruising, dental impressions on shoulders, hair loss due to yanking), I feel so fortunate to have him. No siblings are possible ( cancer bit?$&tch). Thanks to God for deeming me worthy.

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