Trying to get pregnant at 19

Lauren - posted on 04/14/2011 ( 89 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend and i want to have a baby around june 2012. when should we start trying and what should i do for prep? too many sites say different things...



ok, to everyone to set things straight. he is my fiance. the date is set for october 2012 or june 2013 as a back up plan. he is done school and working in construction and is working towards policing as well. i am in school for web design and starting my own business for web design, graphic design, and photography. i will graduate in april 2012. we would like to have the baby june 2012 because we want to be young parents and his bday is may and mine is july so it would be nice to have the baby between ours. to those of you who said i should talk to my parents... i dont live with them and they dont have much interest in my life so i would only tell them when i AM pregnant, i do not want to cause more pointless drama with them again. any other questions ... reply back. and if you want to give me some encouraging advice, my email is guardianangel1992@gmail.com



thanks and i hope this clears things up

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Jodi - posted on 04/14/2011

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I'm kind of on the fence. I understand you want to have a baby, but I also ask what's the rush? You have so much time, you could use the next few years to establish yourselves a little better financially. I know, if you wait until you can afford it, you'll never get around to it, but that's not what I am suggesting. My step-daughter is just going on 19, and I am so happy that she and her boyfriend are using this time to get ahead in their lives - they are both at university preparing for the real world, they both work part time jobs, and are trying to get themselves established in life.

There are so many aspects of parenting that will make these things so much HARDER, that I just think it is sensible to wait a few years.

I am aware this is not the advice you are after, but I just wanted to give you my opinion and experience.

Vegemite - posted on 04/18/2011

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Just a little thought. If you're finding these few home truths upsetting by just hearing them, imagine how upsetting it will be living them.

Kim - posted on 04/16/2011

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Coming from someone who had a baby at 17 and is now 22 with 2 kids, I would advise you to wait. I love my kids and thank god I have made the right decisions and am a wonderful mom but things could have gone so very differently for me had I only made a couple bad choices. A lot of the choices that could have changed my life drastically wern't/aren't even up to me. My boyfriend stuck around and we have been together for 6 years. I couldn't imagine doing it alone but it came close to my reality a few times simply because of the time and work it takes to raise a child. It is very stressful, you almost lose yourself and each other especially when there are financial worries. There are so many things that you don't think about when you think you want a baby. The 2am hospital visits, play time at 4am, unexpected illnesses with tons of expensive prescriptions (I had to buy my son a $300 nebuliser not to metion the meds), expensive trips to the dentist, specialists. Your friends most likely wont stick around since you will no longer have things in common. You should be prepared to raise a child with special needs that cost a ton of money because you never know. So many things that would be so easier if you waited. Wait until you can buy a house and have a career to go back to if needed. If my boyfriend and I ever split I know I wouldn't be able to support my family simply because of my lack of experience( I have only had one job) and no schooling. We are a rarity in that we have made it this far. Our family is now making a huge sacrifice in order to get ahead, my boyfriend has to work out of town for 2 weeks at a time. He loses out on so much with his kids. Wouldn't you rather be a bit more stable so you don't have to make as many sacrifices? Sorry didn't mean to lecture you, there is just so many things that I look back on and see that I have missed out on. Yes, there is always later to do those things but wouldn't you rather do it with your friends first. Gain the life experience that helps you be a great parent.
I would seek outside advice either from your mom or someone close to you that knows your situation and can give you an honest opinion. I know it's no ones business but if you think that you are that prepared then they should be happy you want a child. There is nothing wrong with wanting a baby but sometimes it's just a stage that you go through. Mabye try and volunteer at a womans and childrens shelter or somewhere else to get your baby fix for now.
If you do decide to go through with it I would go to your doctor first. Eat healthy before you are pregnant, take prenatal vitamins, stop smoking/drinking, research things about pregnancy to make you prepared.

Kate CP - posted on 04/17/2011

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You know, a response like that would lead one to believe that mayhaps you are feeling a little insecure about your choice to have a child so young.

I hear so many people wail and moan about teen pregnancy...guess what? YOU'RE STILL A TEENAGER! I'm not exactly old, myself, but I still think you're young to have a baby. Hell, *I* was young to have a baby and I was 4 years older than you when I did it. I got married at 20...do you know how many marriages FAIL because the couple married too young? You add a child to that mix and it's just a huge mess. You have to think about the potential outcome for the baby. WHAT IF you and your boyfriend/fiancee/whatever don't stay together? That's a very real possibility when you're this young. If you don't stay together then you'll be raising a child on your own. Just look at all the posts on this forum about "my baby daddy won't see their child or pay child support". At least when you're older you have more job experience, are making more money, and have a firmer foundation to stand on should the relationship fall apart.

It's a statistical fact that people who marry young divorce more frequently than those who wait until their mid to late twenties to marry. And adding a child to a relationship DOESN'T make things easier. It makes things A LOT harder.

I just had a baby three month ago...and I haven't had sex in a year. A FRICKIN' YEAR!!! Yes, I am married and YES we do try to be intimate but when you have a new baby it isn't so easy. So if you want to take it personally that people are trying to help you then go ahead.

But I still stand by my original statement: wait a few years to start trying. Until then...adopt a dog.

Krista - posted on 04/18/2011

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I agree with the others. You title your thread "Trying to get pregnant at 19", give no other details, and then get pissed off when your age becomes part of the discussion?

If your age has nothing to do with this, then why make it such a prominent feature in your question?

This conversation has been closed to further comments

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Vicki-Lou - posted on 04/19/2011

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Another note: You obviously have plans in place (kudos to you!) But with the schooling...please keep in mind that there are NO guarantees that you won't be put on bed rest at some point. There are different levels of bed rest, some of which won't allow you to even get out of bed to pee. And you can be put on bed rest at any point of the pregnancy. Plus you will have to be at home with the baby for at least one month, preferably three, after the baby is born to let your body heal, bond with child, etc. So, if it was me (and actually I hope someday it will, as I'm looking to go back to school and have another baby), I'd pause on the classes when I reach the third trimester. Definitely go back and finish after the baby reaches 3-6 months.

Vicki-Lou - posted on 04/19/2011

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Another note: You obviously have plans in place (kudos to you!) But with the schooling...please keep in mind that there are NO guarantees that you won't be put on bed rest at some point. There are different levels of bed rest, some of which won't allow you to even get out of bed to pee. And you can be put on bed rest at any point of the pregnancy. Plus you will have to be at home with the baby for at least one month, preferably three, after the baby is born to let your body heal, bond with child, etc. So, if it was me (and actually I hope someday it will, as I'm looking to go back to school and have another baby), I'd pause on the classes when I reach the third trimester. Definitely go back and finish after the baby reaches 3-6 months.

Vicki-Lou - posted on 04/19/2011

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First of all: Folic acid. Start taking this now, before you even begin trying. It helps to prep your body for childbearing. You can find it in pills at your local pharmacy.
Second: No drinking, drugs, or smoking. You should detox your body before childbearing, too. Oh, and you probably won't be able to go to parties for quite some time, unless they include a room full of sugar-charged toddlers with chocolate smeared faces. My husband and I haven't gone out save for grocery shopping since my DD was born 10 months ago.
Third: Go in for an OB check-up. They'll probably want to do a breast exam and pap smear if they haven't done so in the past year. If you have any other questions/concerns about getting pregnant, now is the time to ask the doc.
Fourth: I agree that a parenting/pregnancy class is very important. They cover a lot of stuff, including the stuff you never would think of.
Finally, be careful once you ARE pregnant. Stress, diet, and other seemingly "normal" activities can drastically affect the pregnancy. My first time pregnant ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks, and I'm convinced it was because of all the stress of working, going back to school, and my hubby in the hospital that caused it.
I would advise not telling anyone about your pregnancy (beside partner) until you get past the 10-week hurdle. A whole lot less stress if you do have a miscarriage (which I hope you don't) in my opinion. After mine, I had everyone and their aunt telling me what I did wrong or how I should do it right. It took my husband and me 2 years of trying to get our DD, so no pregnancy plan is perfect. Don't expect the "results" after the first month trying, nor the typical pregnancy from day one. Every pregnancy is different for different people at different times.

Motherhood is a beautiful, hard profession. Good luck!

“Making the decision to have a child - It's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”- Elizabeth Stone

Vicki-Lou - posted on 04/19/2011

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First of all: Folic acid. Start taking this now, before you even begin trying. It helps to prep your body for childbearing. You can find it in pills at your local pharmacy.
Second: No drinking, drugs, or smoking. You should detox your body before childbearing, too. Oh, and you probably won't be able to go to parties for quite some time, unless they include a room full of sugar-charged toddlers with chocolate smeared faces. My husband and I haven't gone out save for grocery shopping since my DD was born 10 months ago.
Third: Go in for an OB check-up. They'll probably want to do a breast exam and pap smear if they haven't done so in the past year. If you have any other questions/concerns about getting pregnant, now is the time to ask the doc.
Fourth: I agree that a parenting/pregnancy class is very important. They cover a lot of stuff, including the stuff you never would think of.
Finally, be careful once you ARE pregnant. Stress, diet, and other seemingly "normal" activities can drastically affect the pregnancy. My first time pregnant ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks, and I'm convinced it was because of all the stress of working, going back to school, and my hubby in the hospital that caused it.
I would advise not telling anyone about your pregnancy (beside partner) until you get past the 10-week hurdle. A whole lot less stress if you do have a miscarriage (which I hope you don't) in my opinion. After mine, I had everyone and their aunt telling me what I did wrong or how I should do it right. It took my husband and me 2 years of trying to get our DD, so no pregnancy plan is perfect. Don't expect the "results" after the first month trying, nor the typical pregnancy from day one. Every pregnancy is different for different people at different times.

Motherhood is a beautiful, hard profession. Good luck!

“Making the decision to have a child - It's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”- Elizabeth Stone

Konni - posted on 04/19/2011

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If it's what you think you want then do it! I had my first daughter at 18 & my second when I was 19. I was young & it was the biggest challenge I ever faced. I married my partner & their dad last October after being together 7 years. It's very hard, you have to sacrifice alot and I do believe no amount of advice or words will prepare you for it. I never regret having my girls but at the same time I realise I missed out on alot of things I wanted to do, I can still do them but it has all been put on hold for the next 16 years! Best of luck!!

Terri - posted on 04/19/2011

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I agree with some of the other posters. I know that you are wanting to be "young parents" but even if you waited until you were 21 wouldn't you be a young parent? My husband and I were married for a few years before we had children and it's one of the best things we ever did! Having those years together, married, just the two of us helped us to strengthen our relationship and in my opinion made us better parents in the long run. But- if waiting isn't an option, you already got tons of good advice- stop smoking (if you do), do a detox if you need to to make sure your body is as clean as possible, take prenatal vitamins several months before you conceive, and SEX lots of sex and that should do the trick unless either of you have fertility issues of any kind. Either way- congratulations on your upcoming marriage and may you have a lifetime of happiness. :)

Rosie - posted on 04/19/2011

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i wanted to have a family young as well, i didn't finish school before i had a child. i completely regret that now 13 years later. i havn't gone back to school, am stuck at the same dead end job for the past 14 years, and really want to go back to school. i refuse to though, until my sons are all in school. i have 2 more years until that happens, and now i'm terrified of going back to school.
please finish school before you have babies. you will have gained your financial freedom, AND life experience essential for parenting. :)

Faye - posted on 04/19/2011

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My birthday is early May, my ex's is early June and our daughter's is early July. I got pregenet in mid Oct. If that info helps, great.



I agree with the others, please wait until you have more money than you have now!



I was married in Sept 1989 (age 20), daughter was born in July 1991 (age 22) and while we were mentally ready, we were not financailly ready. We made it BUT... things would have been better had we more money.



At the age of 41, my youngest is 16, a sophmore in HS and while I am starting over with my love life I still feel like a young mother, uncertain of things at times.

Bonnie - posted on 04/19/2011

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Emma, I didn't have a child at my wedding, but I was almost 5 months pregnant and feeling sick for 3 hours of my reception--spent it in the bathroom.

Angela - posted on 04/19/2011

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I don't fault you for wanting to start your family young. If that's what is important to you, you may not miss your "me time" any more now than you would later, but I do think it would be wise to wait a year. You have a lot of great things going on in your life right now, things that require a lot of time, attention, and energy; but also things you should be able to enjoy. Buying and settling into a new home, school, finals, graduation, wedding planning/day, honeymoon, (Where will baby be while you honeymoon?) launching a new business, these are huge milestones that you should be able to savor. That's also a LOT to accomplish in one year, even without thinking about a baby yet. Being pregnant and having a baby in the middle of all that will add a tremendous amount of stress, and that will steal a lot of the joy from this wonderful time in your life. And with everything you've got going on one year will fly by, I promise! After you've enjoyed your graduation, wedding, honeymoon, and settled into your new home, marriage, business, (and basically new life) a little, you will be much freer to enjoy the excitement of your pregnancy and preparations for your little bundle of joy. Even if you CAN do everything at once, It's so much more fulfilling if you can enjoy it rather than just survive it!
So, Congrat's on the future you're building for yourself and your future family, and whatever you decide to do, may you enjoy the journey!

Mel - posted on 04/19/2011

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Kathleen, I think if she did have a special needs child or collic baby anything like that then she definately wouldnt be planning a wedding during that time. Weddings can wiat so I think that argument doesnt make alot of sense to me, I had a tube fed child until she was 19 months of age and I gave birth at 18, you do what you have to. Age really doesnt come into it. If you can look after the baby. IMO

Kathleen - posted on 04/19/2011

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I've seen a fewposts about collage not being for everyone. No that's true...but she's already in collage and planning on graduating next year it sounds. So it's plain to see that it's important to her.So waiting would be a great idea.Not saying she's irrisponsible.

Momof1 - posted on 04/19/2011

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I don't know your situation, obviously. You two could be the most in love couple in the world, the most together couple in the world. I'm not trying to say that it is technically a bad idea to have a baby so young and not being married yet.
I would like to say this, though. Again, without knowing your situation, I just find it odd that you would want to have your baby before your wedding, like you think that if you have the baby, then you will definitely get married. Then also the fact that you have 2 dates which are 8 months apart. Why's that? Was that both of yours idea together, or did he say that? Meaning he might be trying to push it off? Those factors make me a little nervous. I totally understand about wanting a baby and being a "young mom." The whole 4.5 years my husband (then boyfriend) and I were dating, I couldn't wait to get engaged and married. Not to mention to have graduated and start having kids. But it was always after marriage. Not before.

Kathleen - posted on 04/19/2011

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After reading the replys from mom's.....I wanted to add some things. My husband and I conceived before we were married too. Not a great idea. Being a parent has taught me so many things, one of which is that I would have regretted it if i were 19-20-21 years old, and not even done with school yet. That baby will need as much attention from Mom and Dad as humanly possible, and if you haven't finished school yet, who's going to do it? I had to quit my job to be a stay home mom, and we barely get by doing that because even though people say it's expensive to be parent's....you don't know just HOW expensive it is! You want to go out to eat and a movie???OOps...baby is sick and needs a prescription that costs your evening out, or you just noticed you need diapers and wipes. Nice chunk of $$ there too and so on. Who's going to watch that child when you have to go for a job interview and the babysitter cancels? Things like that happen often! Day care is very expensive too. PLEASE wait at least 2 years, until yo have a job,are married, and hopefully have your own place.I don't think any of the mom's on here will condone this decision. And we're not trying to tell you what to do, we just hope you hear us.

Kathleen - posted on 04/19/2011

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My suggestion...wait until you're married. It will not be easy at all to finish school. plan a wedding and so forth. Especially if you (God forbid) have a child with special needs of any kind. My son had extreme colic for nearly 4 months when he was an infant and everyday for 3-4 hours he would scream non stop in the evenings. To the point that he would vomit. There's nothing much you can do for a colic baby but hold them and walk them etc. You have a full life ahead of you, and such a strong career choice, it will need some attention too. I was 32 when i had my first. I'm glad I waited. I was able to accomplish so much more in life.

April - posted on 04/18/2011

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I had my daughter when i was 19 and it's hard. She was a surprise, not planned and i thought i was ready for a baby. The thing is, even though i was almost done with college, there was so much more i wanted to do but i sucked it up and hid it away. My daughter came first now, nothing else mattered.

I love having kids, my daughter is two years old now and my son is 8 months. My life revolves around them and only them (except my husband of course who comes a close second LOL).

If you are prepared to take on the responsibility of having a child and making them your number one priority then go for it. It's not easy but it's not our place to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. Every little dream you had you'll have to push aside for a few years because your child will be number one, thats the price of motherhood but it is a wonderful gift. I hope everything works out for you.

Mel - posted on 04/18/2011

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oh yeah definately not nice having any children at your wedding let alone 8 month old! my daughters were 7 months and almost 3. Not fun

Stifler's - posted on 04/18/2011

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My comment did not come from a place of judgment. It came from a viewpoint of been there done that. Had an 8 month old at my wedding, not fun. Do all your fun stuff before having kids and you're less likely to struggle and resent it later on.

Hope - posted on 04/18/2011

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Everyone's reproductive cycle is different. My husband and I planned on having our baby, but we didn't choose a date, we just tried and tried- following an ovulating general calendar. My son was expected to be due on June 19th, but last minute I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and rushed to the hospital to be induced labor on May 28th, my son was born on May 29th- 3 lbs; 14oz due to preeclampsia and complications. What I've read and have heard from many parents out there is that you really don't have control over these things. You can try and prepare and even with all the head-knowlege experience etc, baby-life will overwhelm you and your baby will become your life. Thank God my son wasn't in nicu long- would not wish nicu life on anyone. My husband and I have never gone through anything as hard as that time our son was in nicu. Also for the first 2 months home, our baby was on his nicu feeding schedule: every 3hrs around the clock feedings for 3 months. We had to set an alarm to wake up to feed him and he didn't just fall back asleep afterwords. Often I would get 15minutes of sleep here, and maybe 30minutes of sleep there-napping whenever my son napped. I looked and felt like a zombie. I'm a stay at home mom and I just enjoy my son, who is almost 1 yr old now- healthy and curious. :) I do wish that we would have become more financially stable before getting pregnant though. Even not counting hospital bills, just daily formula (I did breast feed, but my milk dried up over time), 10 diapers or so a day, clothes he outgrows so quickly, carseats, baby-gear etc. It has just been tight financially for us and my husband has an excellent job with predictable income. Being a parent is a lot of work but definately worth it all. My husband and I just enjoy time with our son and are so blessed that he is doing so well now. For info about your cycles and everything baby, websites I liked: babycenter.com and the march of dimes site. good luck.

Sonia - posted on 04/18/2011

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Count back 10 months from when you want to have a baby and ... ya know. You should start taking a prenatal vitamin a few months before you plan to start trying and continue taking it the whole way through. If you are trying, quit drinking and taking medications you wouldn't take during pregnancy (pretty much anything but Tylenol). A lot of those medications including Advil can interfere with implantation and just aren't safe for a new fetus. Start garage sale and online shopping for things you will need to keep the cost and stress down. Babies use things like swings etc for only a few months so, in my opinion, most things with maybe the exception of car seats, can be bought used and you will hardly be able to tell except for the savings.

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/18/2011

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All the best to you Lauren. you know what you want so go for it. if i had it my way i would have had a baby a few years ago but hubby wanted to wait so i have nothing against young parents, sometimes a 18 yearold is a hell of alot more mature and on their feet then say someone in there 20's!! me and my fiance were 17 and 18 when we baught our first home its been struggles but we survived.while our friends were off blowing money and doing thins we were strapped to bills and i wouldnt have changed it for the world!!

Mel - posted on 04/18/2011

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you dont have ot be married or even planning on getting married before kids hun. That is a load of crap. Most people these days dont its too expensive and is just a piece of paper. As long as it doesnt bother you then dont worry about :) You sound likeyour doing great. You can do anything you put your mind to, so i wouldnt say its unrealistic to assume you can work with a newborn. You will only have one child I know people who run a business with 4 kids, or 6 kids and have a spotless house. If anything its easier iwth a little bub because they sleep a lot. Pregnancy might be hard but once the baby is here its alot easier. The sole reason Im waiting a little longer between babies now is because pregnancy is killer. Im 21 with a just turned 3 year old and 9 moth old girls :) and I only just got married after 5 years together, but we orginaly werent planning on it until after we had 3 kids or more.

Cathy - posted on 04/18/2011

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You sound so stable and together particularly if you have no contact with your parents. It sounds like you will do a great job at parenting but and it is a big but.. you also sound like you are going to get a fantastic business off the ground and that also needs time and attention, Yes being a young parent is preferable to being an older one. My husbands mum and dad were 19 when they had him(no planning ) they have been married happily for 55 years and going strong.

It is also great having a financial base before having children that base can help provide you the support you need when there are not family around.

Carolyn - posted on 04/18/2011

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I just went back and read a few comments, great for you you plan on buying a house ! do you know how many homes sit foreclosed on because banks like to lend money to people who cant afford it in the long run ?

Getting into a car accident is much different than pregnancy. Teachers/schools are generally more helpful when it comes to * accidents* out of a students control, and they most likely will make extra effort to help you through your recovery. Not the same when you choose to have a baby. Imagine having a premie, while you are still in school ?

you'll barely be able to keep your house clean with a newborn let alone run a business.

I think its great to have a plan, and to dream and want. But i think you also need to be realistic and have things actually in order before getting pregnant, and not just plan to have them in order.

either way, good luck with what ever you decide.

Carolyn - posted on 04/18/2011

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Christine that is a great suggestion! Setting your clock every few hours through the night and getting up, and see how you cope.

You could also add, budgeting out formula, daycare, and diaper expenses for everyday, and take that out of you budget and see how you cope financially. Want to go to that nice dinner ? nope , no money ! and everytime you want to go for drinks, a date etc, make sure you plan ahead and schedule a babysitter too!!

kids are great, but live YOUR life, before dedicating it to raising another life. You have all the time in the world !!

Sarah - posted on 04/18/2011

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My hubs and I got preggo within a few months of getting married (so much for BC taking a while to get out of your system!LOL) adn I had a terrible pregnancy, was in and out of the hospital, on bedrest, etc and it resulted in our daughter being born preemie at 31wks. She was in NICU for a month, then came home and needed feeding every 2 1/2 hours until she was 6 months old. After 6 months she slept more but then we did a year of physical therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral specialists etc to get her on track developmentally. I spent over a year out of work b/c she was unable to go to daycare plus the bedrest time. To say it was difficult is a huge understatement. By her first birthday I had gone through the most amazing transformation in my life, complete with thousands of dollars in medical bills, a huge gap in my employment history, an enormous strain on my fledgling marriage, a lack of sleep so complete I can successfully sleep standing upright with my hands in dishwater. I love my daughter more than life itself and I would do Anything for her, but looking back I wish I would've waited. I had no idea the journey I was in for, or how hard it was going to be. I had no reason to think I would have the pregnancy I did or how much work goes into raising a preemie. You never know what you're going to get.

Vegemite - posted on 04/18/2011

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Wait a year aim at having a baby in June 2013. Life will be much better planned and much easier to cope with what will be an extremely busy time for you. With your new husband, new business and new baby it's a lot of new's. We have our own business which opened when I was 8 months pregnant. When it first opened we worked from around 7am to 10pm and most nights my husband was getting home at about 1am. Up until this year my husband kept those hours. I had so much on my plate and my husband was so busy that I ended up suffering PND and 3.5 years later still struggle with thoughts of just disappearing and leaving my kids and husband behind. Last year I dropped the kids at kindy and drove 3 hours away with the intention of not coming home. Then I realised that the kids would have to be picked up in a few hours so I turned around and came home, crying the whole way. haha I so could never just leave them. In that time stupid us decided to have another baby. Our reasoning for another baby was i knew I wouldn't want to have another if I left it much longer. We fell pregnant when our eldest was 12months.

While I now love my family I wouldn't want to live these last few years again and would never wish them on anyone else.



Why don't you try this to get an idea of how you might cope with a new born, husband and business.

Set an alarm to wake up every 2-4hours and stay awake for an hour each time. Then the next day go about your activities as normal. Just try it for about a month so you get some idea of how much sleep deprivation you can handle and how your work and relationship is affected. When you have a baby you will go through this period for an average of around 5months so a month will be a short period of time. Some people do get lucky and baby sleeps through the night early. Mine started sleeping from 9pm-4:30am at 8weeks. I remember all my friends saying they wished their baby did that. I have friends who have 1 year olds who still don't sleep through the night. Now they are older they are in bed from around 8pm-5am but do wake up a few times a night and generally can settle themselves but do wake me up and most nights I get up to at least one of them once in the night.



Waiting a year will still make you very young parents and more prepared for the huge life change that will last for the rest of your life-your baby.

[deleted account]

Well, it's great to know that you know exactly how pregnancy, childbirth, and dealing w/ a newborn 24/7 will be when you've never experienced it. Then.... why are you asking for advice and opinions here? Just go to the doctor and ask them. They won't bother wasting their time sharing their personal experiences in a failed attempt to HELP you......

Lauren - posted on 04/18/2011

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I have made it through a full semester in and out of the hospital because of a car accident, the school has been awesome with helping me through it, and i am very motivated to get through college. even if i have to do schooling at a hospital, i will pull through it and i will graduate on time.

Liz - posted on 04/18/2011

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Oh and...what were you planning to have happen with your fledgling business while you're exhausted from having a new baby that is waking you up every 2 hours through the night? A fledgling business with either few or no additional staff is going to take a huge knock at that time. Please don't plan on being able to manage a new baby, give quality time to your fiance (he WILL need it) AND run a new business single-handedly. You'd have to be some kind of superwoman, the likes of which I've never heard of, in order to be able to keep everyone happy - most of all, yourself.

Krista - posted on 04/18/2011

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You might want to copy and paste that as an edit into your original post, Lauren. Not everybody reads every comment before replying to a thread, so it's very possible that you'll get a lot of people who will miss that information.

Thanks!

Liz - posted on 04/18/2011

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One thing I'd say, having read that, is that some people are tremendously lucky in their cycles and fertility and can pick timing for a baby with ease, but most can't. It isn't as an exact a science as you'd think - simply having unprotected sex does not necessarily = pregnancy. If the timing is that tight for you, you need to be okay with the idea of not getting pregnant until after you graduate or possibly even being heavily pregnant at your wedding.

Also, lots of people have medical issues during pregnancy. Of course, you might get totally lucky and have a completely uneventful time, but you shouldn't plan assuming that. By deciding to get pregnant on a schedule so that you can give birth after graduation, you might be jeopardising your degree.

Morning sickness can last the whole pregnancy and be debilitating, joint dysfunctions can put you in a wheelchair (this happened to me for 3 months), other conditions can require you to take strict bed rest, sometimes even hospital bed rest. I'm not saying that any of this will happen to you, but with your schedule....if it DOES...then you might miss out on graduating. After all the time and effort you've put into this course, it really would only be sensible for you to wait a while, graduate, marry and THEN focus on getting pregnant as soon as you like.

It would also be a ton easier for you to continue with any form of work after your baby is born if you have set it in motion before pregnancy. I speak from experience. I got pregnant (unexpected miracle as I was supposed to be infertile) right at the end of my Bachelor course in Nursing. I almost didn't qualify because of debilitating morning sickness that meant it was almost impossible for me to complete my required clinical hours. I only managed it with a lot of help from trained colleagues, who were sympathetic. Now, I am a SAHM. I don't have any choice about it, because I need to do more schooling in the US to be able to take licensing exams and work here. I can't afford to do this, because the baby takes all our disposable cash. We can't afford to put her in daycare unless I'm already working and getting a very good salary. So I'm stuck. All my career aspirations are gone, melted away. By the time I can pick them up again, I'll either be too old or will have to train again from scratch - which will be unaffordable. Yes, I have a beautiful daughter whom I will always love whole-heartedly, but I'm also very aware that my only life now is basically hers, at least for some years until she is old enough to go to school.

You don't always anticipate that you'll feel trapped by a baby, no matter how much you love them. You can't anticipate what medical crises might arise. For these reasons I'd strongly counsel you to wait until your career is actually started and you are married before getting pregnant. If you are as single minded as you say, that might only be a year or two to wait. You'll still be young parents. The difference in your quality of life might however be huge. At least think about it.

[deleted account]

That's awesome that you have a plan. I had a plan too, but anyway.....

My only additional advice would be to still wait a little bit longer and plan to get pregnant when you are graduating (or have just graduated). Many pregnancies go well, but they can be exhausting and complications can arise that would make finishing school extremely difficult.

Lauren - posted on 04/18/2011

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ok, to everyone to set things straight. he is my fiance. the date is set for october 2012 or june 2013 as a back up plan. he is done school and working in construction and is working towards policing as well. i am in school for web design and starting my own business for web design, graphic design, and photography. i will graduate in april 2012. we would like to have the baby june 2012 because we want to be young parents and his bday is may and mine is july so it would be nice to have the baby between ours. to those of you who said i should talk to my parents... i dont live with them and they dont have much interest in my life so i would only tell them when i AM pregnant, i do not want to cause more pointless drama with them again. any other questions ... reply back. and if you want to give me some encouraging advice, my email is guardianangel1992@gmail.com

thanks and i hope this clears things up

Momof1 - posted on 04/18/2011

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I also agree. You say it's not about age, then why title it with your age. You also said boyfriend, but now fiance? If he really is your fiance, that's a little better, but do you have a date set, are you working on wedding plans? Or is it just a thing you say?
I said it before and I'll say it again, I commend you for looking for advice on how to be healthy and successful while trying to conceive, but I feel it is better if you are married first. Yes, not all marriages last, but it's easier if you are married. Even if you do not want to go to college, you should try to get yourself into a CNA/PCA or a medical billing/coding certificate program, that way you always have something to fall back on, no matter what.

When I was younger, like ages 12 through the time I became pregnant (23) I always wanted 3 kids, 2 years apart and I wanted to be a SAHM until they were all in kindergarten. I always wanted to get a degree, because I like to work and help support my family. Even when I was young and even now, I don't know what career I want, I just know I don't want to be a full-time SAHM. I like how I work weekends, so my son stays home with my husband. I'm not saying I would want to work 40 plus hours a week, but working part-time 3 days a week is nice. You may think you want to be a SAHM now, but that might change once you have your child. Some women never want to be a SAHM, but then that changes once they have their baby, so it is different for everybody. I strongly suggest you looking into some kind of program, just like a said, for something to fall back on because you never know what will happen.

Bonnie - posted on 04/18/2011

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Lauren, you are looking for advice. You are not just going to receive information that you only want to hear. You are going to be told things that you don't want to hear as well. It's impossible for everyone to think on the same wavelength as you.

And, first you are calling him your boyfriend and now you are calling him your fiance. That is two different things and makes a heck of a difference IMO.

Lauren - posted on 04/18/2011

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Joanna thank you for such a nice post. it made me smile and cheered me up from reading some of the other posts last night.

EILEEN - posted on 04/18/2011

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It happens to all young people that want to start a family . First of all go for a check up to find out if you are both ok .take it easy do not rush into it .make a note of your Monthly days then try to work around them but please talk to your parents .and good luck . Eileen from West Yorkshire England

Vegemite - posted on 04/18/2011

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I would say the same advice to you as anyone else. I don't think age matters.

As far as physically preparing come off hormonal contraceptives a few months before trying, I used a saliva ovulation checker for those months so I knew when to have sex, don't have too much sex as it will lower the sperm count, have a good diet and exercise routine, take prenatal vitamins, stop drinking smoking or any drugs you may be taking and talk to your dr about any prescriptions, see a gyno and get a pap smear, be prepared not to conceive when you planned to as sometimes it can take a while to conceive. Have your partner eat well, exercise, see a Dr and take vitamins too.

Mentally and emotionally wait until you know for sure for sure you know you are ready. Think about and think about it again. Make sure you have done the things you want to, your relationship is stable, wait until you're married and settled into your marriage. Fully understand that when you have a child your life is not just yours anymore and once you're pregnant that's it there's no changing your mind and baby can't go back to where it came from. Be financially prepared, pregnancy and babies are expensive.

Since you mentioned your age I'll say this. When I was 19 I was engaged, we had been together since we were 12. We knew we were going to get married and have a family. Just after I turned 20 it all fell apart before we even knew it. We didn't even see it coming. I'm so glad I decided to wait until we were married for at least a year before we had kids. I know everyone and every relationship is different but in those late teens and early 20's we go through so many changes in our views and personalities and it's very easy for people to grow apart.

Mel - posted on 04/17/2011

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agree with Joanna, Ive only read a few comments but your is great. My MIL was the same as you had no desire to have a career was just born to be a mother.

Mel - posted on 04/17/2011

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agree with Joanna, Ive only read a few comments but your is great. My MIL was the same as you had no desire to have a career was just born to be a mother.

Mel - posted on 04/17/2011

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start taking your vitamins now cut out alcohol or cigarettes ensure you have savings behind you, a secure partner job and house and thats about it. Good luck. Being a mum is amazing :)

Jodi - posted on 04/17/2011

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"Well Jodi, what information would you like? would you like me to give everyone on the internet a fully detailed life story?"

Actually, I am suggesting you not take it so personally.

Joanna - posted on 04/17/2011

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Lauren, it sounds like you have thought this through completely. You are buying a house, so apparently you have some sort of stable income. You are engaged, so there is a level of commitment. You know what you are getting into. and you are looking for ways to prepare before you are even pregnant, which is admirable, considering a large majority of women don't educate themselves at all about pregnancy and birth. I wish you the best!
Between now and the time you conceive, be sure to be eating healthy, taking prenatals, exercising. Educate yourself about pregnancy and birth, and about baby care. Cut out alcohol, and smoking, if you do any of that. If you are on any kind of hormonal birth control, stop taking it. It can take several months to regain fertility after you quit hormones.
I do wish you the best. Yes you will run into difficult times, but that happens in every marriage, and with every child. Just know that you will probably have to deal with lots of people looking down on you and treating you differently because you are young. Don't let that get to you. Educate yourself and stand your ground.

Liz - posted on 04/17/2011

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If you didn't want it to be about your age, then you should have left it out. You ask what other information you might have given - well, you could have told us enough about your life so that we could understand what provisions you have or have not made, how stable your relationship is, what your extended family is like and how much they may be able to support you...and other things like that.

If you're going to ask what things you should think about, but only tell us that you're 19...then we're going to respond to that with the benefit of our experience of already being moms. Taking care of someone else's kids, no matter how awesome you may be with them, is NOT THE SAME as being a mom 24/7, with your freedoms curtailed and your life basically rerouted so that your baby is now first priority at all times. I am 39 and I still have some issues that I must deal with in order to accept how much of a life of my own I no longer have...and I've had much more of an opportunity than you have to actually go, see and do all of the things that having a child makes improbable, if not impossible.

You may be the most mature 19 year old that ever lived and feel totally ready for a child, but at least listen courteously to the advice given by the women here. Those of us offering you an opinion are only doing so because something in our own experiences moves us to try and help you. Some of us want to help by changing your mind, well, that's what happens when you come to a forum like this.

Whatever you do in the end, good luck. I just hope you won't ultimately find out that you wish you'd done things differently.

Lauren - posted on 04/17/2011

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i have 2 dogs already, and that has nothing to do with having a baby. i have worked with kids every summer and i have a god daughter. i am ready to have my own child. shouldnt matter your age. i am happy with my fiancee, we just got approved for a house and are putting an offer in this week. we love each other and have the date for the wedding. i know what i want and he knows what he wants and we are happy with our choices

Kim - posted on 04/17/2011

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I don't think anyone was judging you, just trying to give you advice. When you ask on a forum about getting pregnant at 19 what kind of answers did you think you were going to get? Mabye next time leave your age out and then you may not get those responses.

Liz - posted on 04/17/2011

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Lauren, you asked for help. Here, that usually comes with opinions, like it or not. People usually try their best not to offend, but the simple point is that there are so many moms here that our opinions are bound to vary, especially on a subject that is bound to arouse strong feelings, such as yours.

You sound as if you're frustrated and annoyed right now, so my advice would be to take a deep breath, relax and go and do something else.

Lauren - posted on 04/17/2011

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Well Jodi, what information would you like? would you like me to give everyone on the internet a fully detailed life story?

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