trying to have a functional relationship with a wonderful man

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Tdaniels - posted on 05/01/2014

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You have been everything to your children. This is a lesson in sharing for them. It will take a great deal of patience and reassuring. Be sure to make days that include only them and days that include only your friend. Pick a day where you all do something. Make these routines until they understand mom is still there for them. You are working with difficult ages, they are figuring out many things with themselves and now getting use to mom dating. If he is right he will understand and have patience while you all become familiar and begin to trust each other

Hayley - posted on 04/30/2014

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you just have to give it time if you show them that it is going to last and that he is going to stick around it should start to change that's what happened with my step kids and now my step daughter who was the hardest one tells me all the time how much she loves me. but he has to be determined to put all his time and effort into those kids. When kids have split up parents or parents that date around and their parent finds someone that they are committed to it takes a while for them to feel like that person is going to be there for them.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/29/2014

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Well, Tina, if you can't be honest with your kids now, then there will be problems later.

If he's asking, HE KNOWS. You need to mitigate damage of things told to him by his friends, etc, with truthful information about growing up, puberty, and sexual relationships.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/29/2014

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If he's interacting with your kids on a weekly basis, and having fun with them, how can you say they're 'not giving him a chance'?

You may think he's crossed a boundary, but I don't think so. Did he make you think about your choice to have sex with someone you've only dated a short time? Did that make you wonder how you were going to handle the talk?

He's got the right to know if his mother's sleeping with someone. He needs to be prepared for the possible consequences of another baby that will change the entire dynamic of the family. Like I said, you don't need to go into gory detail, but if he's asking, he's ready to hear the talk, and you need to be prepared for any and all questions.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/29/2014

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Conflicting posts? Do you have a 10 yo, or an 11 yo?

You're already sleeping with the bf...and they're probably sensing that you're spending more time with him.

Keep your kids in the front of the picture. They come first. Your sex life comes second. If your kids aren't ready for a new man in the picture, then they are not. You can gently integrate him by including him in a family activity, perhaps starting with once a month. Then, as the kids warm up to him, perhaps more, but make sure that you're not letting them get attached too much, because when he leaves (or you leave him for whatever reason) it's another chunk of their hearts that goes too.

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