TRYING TO TEACH 3YR TO BEHAVE

TAMRA - posted on 04/01/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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SOMETIMES WHEN I TELL MY SON TO DO SOMETHING HE TELLS ME NO OR ACTS OUT IN A FIT. I REALLY DONT LIKE TO SPANK HIM BUT THATS THE ONLY WAY HE WILL LISTEN TO ME. I TRIED TIME OUT,TRIED EXPLAINING TO HIM. I JUST DONT WANT MY SON TO BE OUT OF CONTROL LATER. I WANT HIM TO LISTEN TO ME WITH OUT HAVING TO YELL OR SPANK HIM.I NEED SOME ADVICE PLEASE.

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I have a three year old and I find that what works best with him is to talk to him. When he starts having a tantrum, I get down to his level, ask him to "Look Mommy in the eye." and I talk to him. "What is it that you want? Are you hurt? Use your words, tell Mommy. Are you hungry?" Things like that. Not all of those particular questions at once but, I find that just talking to him and asking HIM to tell ME what's wrong (instead of me driving myself nuts like my husband does, trying to figure it out) tends to calm him down. Kids that age are so conflicted. They know what they want but they still don't understand that the world doesn't solely revolve around them and their needs. So if a need isn't being met IMMEDIATELY, they sometimes feel ignored or rejected. With my son, I've noticed that as long as I'm checking in with him every now and then while he's playing, just pop my head in his room and say, "Hey Buddy, whatcha doin?" He'll tell me all about it and he's fine. I think he just needs to know that even though I'm not hovering over him and stuck to him like glue all day, I still care what he thinks and I want to listen to what he has to say. I used to spank and I've noticed that since I stopped spanking and started doing these things more often, it also seems to help keep the tantrums from happening in the first place. Most of the time. But three year olds have tantrums sometimes, that's just how they roll lol And nine times out of ten, even when he does have a tantrum, usually all it takes is a funny look from me, or a little tickle to his ribs and once he gets to smiling, there's no turning back :)

Michelle - posted on 04/01/2011

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Make sure he knows its his behavior that is bad and not him. I found if I asked for the kids to clean up and they did not I count calmly and slowly to 3 and if they still do not clean up then I tell them I am getting a garbage bag and will clean up for them. They also know if I clean up that way they lose the toys. Same with meal time if they don't eat they don't get a snack before bed, or no story just hugs.

Bonnie - posted on 04/01/2011

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I have been told many times that some 3 year olds are worse than 2 year olds going through the terrible twos.

Christy - posted on 04/01/2011

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My son is 3 1/2 and does this all the time. I found threatening to take something away (and following through) helps, like his beloved cars, or telling him we aren't going to the park since he acted bad. Seems to help. Also, my son gets really bad when he is tired so I still let him go down for a nap in the afternoon.

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