turned 15 & I found out I was pregnant! ADVICE??

Ashley - posted on 11/23/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




I just turned 15 and I found out I'm pregnant. Me and my boyfriend have been dating more than a year. He just turned 16. He'a already looking for a job and we are saving up money. We are keeping the baby. No one can change our mind! We are both staying in school. But when I'm 8 months I'm going to go on independent study. I'm a freshman. And I haven't told my mom or anyone! I need advice on baby things and how to tell people? I might get emancipated , I think that's how you spell it. And I'm get to get on WIC, welfare, food stamps, Cal works, and things like that. But any advice for me? Thanks. And please don't judge me or my family..


Ariana - posted on 11/23/2012




How far along are you right now?

I understand how sure you are of your decision right now but it is always good to look at your options, you basically have three: abortion, adoption, keeping the baby. I have no bias to any, I think all are viable options.

I was a young mom so I know how all this feels, and I kept my son, whom I love. I just want to say that I lived with my mom and son and it was a lot harder than I had expected. It was the right decision for me but I know other teen moms who have not done as well as I have, or have had their babies taken from them.

If you plan on getting on welfare/food stamps etc then you had better be ready to have social services involved in every aspect of your life. Do you think social services is going to allow a 15 and 16 year old to take care of a newborn while they are living on welfare? They may decide for you that you are unfit parents. You need a much better plan then that.

What will you do if you and your boyfriend of a year break up? Where do you plan on working? Do you plan on continuing your education and if so how will you do this? Not just financially but also the workload.

Are there parenting classes in your area? Are you going to go to them? How will you afford the diapers/crib/formula/clothes/babytoys?

I'm not saying you shouldn't keep the baby I'm saying you need a solid, realistic plan. Because if your parents don't support you social services will almost certainly be involved. It is unlikely they will allow you to keep the child unless you have a very secure plan of action on how you are going to take care of him/her.

Plus is this how you want the child to live? Is this how you want to live? I am a bit older now and in college but my friends tend to go out whereas I stay home. They go out to trivia night at the bar and I either have to get a babysitter or stay home if Ican't get one. I have to plan out going to the bar a while in advance so I can make sure I can go out. I've heard my friends saying, last minute, that they were going to this spot and did I want to join and have had to decline because I knew I couldn't get a sitter in such short notice and most of my family works nights.

The friends you have will NOT all stay by your side. Some may but a lot are going to be living their own lives, going out on the weekend or to a party or just hanging out outside doing nothing which YOU will not be doing. You will be at home taking care of a baby, or trying to get your work done, all sleep deprived and people (especially teens/young adults) do not want to hear about your baby which will be on your mind all the time because that's ALL you'll be doing.

Once again I'm not saying you shouldn't keep this baby but you need a big reality check. You are still young and impulsive and a lot of what you're about to do is going to be based on yourself and how you feel. You also have to think about this baby and how he/she will feel. You will not be able to afford the things a lot of children have, you are going to be at an immature stage taking care of this child. You're going to be a teenager when he/she enters toddlerhood. You're still going to be just as impulsive and easy to rile up as your child! Can you handle that? Can your boyfriend?

Talk to your parents TODAY. Tell them what you are planning on doing and see what happens. Try to stay calm, but please, set up a plan. Look into how much it costs to do all this and what resources you have available in your area. Don't jump into this blind.

Dove - posted on 11/23/2012




Tell your mom asap. You are going to need a LOT of love and support... and hopefully she will be there for you. Hopefully your boyfriend will be able to find a job and be able to manage school and a job at the same time to help out as much as financially possible. You might consider trying to find part time work or at least a lot of babysitting right now as well.

Advice? This is for both you and your boyfriend: Finish school... Do college (online if needed) and get good, stable jobs. If you don't have a good support system in your family.... seriously think about adoption. I know you said you are keeping the baby, and... honestly, that is what I would want my OWN daughter to do if she ended up in this situation, but if your mom is not going to stand behind you 100%... it's something worth considering. Welfare is great for those that need it... and you, most likely, will need it right now unless your mom will temporarily raise the baby, but it's not a good lifestyle choice AT ALL and you want to work to be self sufficient as quickly as possible.

After the baby is born.... please don't have sex anymore or REALLY double up on forms of birth control. You don't need a repeat performance of this stress for the next several (4-5+) years.

Good luck and hang in there! You have chosen a really, really rough road, but it is doable with support, hard work, and a LOT of determination and patience.


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Jade Lauren - posted on 03/11/2013




I am 15 ad raising a 3 month old i'm using WIC and Medicaid So far everything is going great but trust me you really need to think it threw. MY boyfriend are still together but it gets hard. Trust me i'm not trying to sway your mind what's so ever. I want you to know being a mother is not a piece of cake its stressful, annoying, aggravating, but its also the most amazing feeling and blessing there is. A child will change your life I had tons of friends who said they would always stick by me but now I have 2 close friends and her father. Honestly my best friend is my daughter and its hard watching everyone go out and have fun while im at home. Also even tho you and your boyfriend are together and happy you have to realize he will still be able to go out and do. Even tho its not fair and its hard being a father and a mother are very different I wish you all the luck in the world and you have my prayers. God Bless you your family and your child.

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