Ugh, mother-in-laws....

Jodi - posted on 08/28/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

2

0

2

So the other night my boyfriend and I attended a concert and we left our daughter with his mother. She decided she wanted to take our daughter for a walk without telling either of us. I can't speak for anyone else but this really frustrates me. I like to know where my daughter is at all times, she is only 11 months old! I have spoken to her before and asked her to text us if they leave the house. I feel extremely disrespected and I have lost the little trust I had for her. Am I over reacting to the situation?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/02/2014

13,264

21

2015

Definitely quite a few overreactions here.

OP: Your boyfriend's mother raised him, and she obviously wasn't too bad at it, since he survived to adulthood. You wanting his mother to text you every detail about what's going on whilst she has the child in her care is overbearing. If you don't trust someone to watch your child and do appropriate activities (taking a walk...no big deal!), then don't expect free childcare. Hire a sitter, leave them explicit instructions and directions.

Also, have you taken into consideration that your demands in that area could be taken by her to be disrespectful? After all, you'll take her free childcare...

Finally, as another poster stated, she's not your 'MIL' until you're married to her son. Until then, she's your boyfriend's mother, and your child's grandmother.

Katy: In your case, I'd be grateful that I didn't have to pack the whole nine yards + kitchen sink to take LO to MIL's! She cares enough to not only furnish her home with things to fit his needs (the old outfits...its sad they didn't fit him. That would have been precious in more ways than one), but to also make sure they're similar or the same as what he's got at home, so the transition is easier. Relax. She's not 'moving in' on your space, she's providing a space in her home that LO will be comfortable in.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/01/2014

21,273

9

3058

My response?? UGH daughter in laws.....

If you want someone to do exactly what you want with your baby, and be restricted to the house, hire a baby sitter.

14 Comments

View replies by

Leela - posted on 09/04/2014

222

0

30

Yep you're over reacting. I can see her now..........ugh daughters in law...lol

A - posted on 09/02/2014

214

4

13

Yea you are over reacting. That is what grandma's do- they go out with grandkids. You want to dictate what the babysitter does with the child- don't ever go out so you know at all times what is going on

[deleted account]

Thnaks Gena, I do understand I am lucky to have them around and not everyone is as lucky, but sometimes It can be stressful every time you turn round things are being brought identical yet I have them and pack a bag every time so who ever has him has the kit, I do appreciate help but it can feel like if I wasn't here it wouldn't matter which is the bit that upsets me.

Gena - posted on 09/02/2014

306

1

655

Katy, rather have in laws that care and go out of their way to make sure your child has everything and you can rely on them, then having in laws who dont care less,never ask how your child is,never are around and wouldnt bother to have toys for your child to play with when you go visit. I totaly understand that you didnt want the old matress :) but the crib is sweet.Our son got his fathers crib...it was cute to think that his daddy slept in it when he was a baby. I for example had to go to the hospital,my mother looked after our son for those couple of days and i was happy to know she has a car seat,toys,books etc. So if you ever need help you know that your in laws have the things your child needs.

[deleted account]

I feel your pain! I think taking them out for a walk is not a biggy but I bet there is more to it than that!
I too have MIL issues and am not sure if I am ungrateful or crazy?? She has her house set up!! my LB is 7 months old whenever I buy anything she goes out and gets the same or similar she even has a proper cot set up, and she dug out my husbands old stuff he is now 40 she had clothes, toys and the cot I had to convince her that she couldn't use the old mattress, luckily the clothes were too small but he has the toys to play with at their house
When relatives were visiting they commented 'you would think the baby was there's' referring to the in-laws
The thing is we live 10 mins away so she can pop and get stuff and she has a key, I feel like if I vanished it would be fine as his 'new' home is set up, am I mad?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 09/01/2014

21,273

9

3058

BTW she is not your mother in law yet, but that IS her grandchild. Yes you are over reacting. All of the grandparents have car seats for my kids and have since they were infants, they should not be expected to put their lives on hold simply because they have their grandchild.

Gena - posted on 09/01/2014

306

1

655

I agree with with the other moms,you are over reacting. She only went for a walk,it would be different if she would have given your daughter to someone else while she should have been watching or otherthings. Try to relax,there is nothing wrong that she took your daughter for a walk.

Ev - posted on 08/31/2014

8,166

7

919

I have to agree with the others. You are over-reacting to this. I am a grandmother myself and I have had the care of my only grandchildren before. I have always told my daughter the plans for the time they are with me but then I guess that is how I do things. I also ask her if some things are alright to do with them before I do. But for the most part, grandma and grandpa are going to take the kids for a walk, to get a treat, or to the park. Maybe its the only chance that week that the grandparent got to get out of the house and do something different. As one said, when your child grows into elementary age, the teacher is not going to call you every time the child leaves the classroom to outside for recess, eat lunch, or do other activities in another area of the school. My daughter was hesitant a couple months ago when I took both the kids to see their great grandparents. She had just had surgery and we had already planned to do this and we kept the plans. It allowed her to rest that afternoon and the greats got to enjoy their two great grand kids. I have also taken the older one for a few hours to enjoy as well. Keep in mind, that this lady raised kids and does have an idea how to handle them.

Michelle - posted on 08/29/2014

4,567

8

3247

Yes I think are over reacting as well.
If you need to know where your daughter is every second of the day then don't leave her with anyone else. How are you going to cope when she's at school or even if you have to put her into daycare? Are you going to insist they text you every time she leaves the room?
I think you need to relax a bit. You MIL has raised her children (your BF is has survived) so you need to let her enjoy her Grandchild.

Sarah - posted on 08/28/2014

3,880

14

1082

Yes I would say you are over reacting. To me that is like just playing outside versus inside the house. It was a nice day and they decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. You left your daughter in her care, so you have to trust that what she does while your daughter is in her care is going to be safe. Grandma's are going to take their grandkids places. That is what being a grandparent is all about. They are going to take them to the park, to the zoo, to the ice cream shop. When you drop the child off the grandparent may have no idea what the plan is for the day.....they might be waiting to see how the child is (are they tired, cranky, energetic, etc.) and then plan their activities accordingly. There are also going to be those spur of the moment ideas that make having a grandchild fun. Unless there is a possibility that they might not be back to the house when you arrive to pick up then I would not expect a text or to be informed where they are going. There might be some times that the grandparent may want to communicate the plan to make sure they have the supplies they would need for the day, but a walk around the neighborhood is something even a teenage babysitter to do without having to ask permission to do so. They are interacting and enjoying the outside while you are doing your thing.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms