unable to accept the unexpected death of our oldest son

Barb - posted on 10/22/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Our 41year old son unexpectedly died on November 1, 2012 from a brain aneurysm. It was a normal day, he hugged me that morning and we made a date after dinner to Teach me how to use my new cell phone. He was so happy. At 3pm that day I received a phone call at work from our second son to hurry down the road. I got there and Tr was in tears..called 911 .. The nightmare began..at 4pm he was pronounced gone..and sorry. It's been 2 years the pain and question is still there. I still cry a lot..his dad lost his best friend..his brothers have trouble and miss their big brother..I feel responsible and can't fix our lives. Please help me. I won't ever let him go. Thank you

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Sarah - posted on 10/22/2014

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The aneurysm was in all likelihood present for a long time before it ruptured. I apologize for questioning your son's suffering but at least you did get to be with him at his passing. Sometimes there are just no answers for why? Why my child? Why me? Brain aneurysms are most often symptom free until they rupture, so rejoice that your son did not live in chronic pain or fear. Time will help. I wish there was an easy answer. Keep as busy as you can and don't feel guilty for the good days you may have....
Also, you don't 'ever have to let him go, you just need to let yourself live.

Barb - posted on 10/22/2014

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Thank you so much. When I got to him he said..it hurts momma. And I want my dad. In that respect..I say yes he suffered..I couldn't help him except to hold him and kiss him before the medical got there. Our next door neighbor is a pastor and he has helped me. I am so sorry for your losses and once again thank you. This is year 2 that he has been gone..the other question is why..he had no illnesses except loving his family.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2014

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Grief has not limits. It takes as long as it takes. I ache every single day for my mom who died Dec 23 2012. I was robbed of her.
You, losing a son, must feel angry, sad, cheated and lost. You are right to have all of those feelings. That said, have you joined a parents loss group? I lost preemie twin girls in 2009 and that group was my bridge to sanity. Call your local hospital or even a funeral home for a referral.
What questions do you still have? That you could have saved him? Did he suffer? With an aneurysm, the answers to those questions are no and no. Life does go on whether we want it to or not and the rest of your family needs you to be present.
I am not telling you to suck it up, nor do I suggest that you can turn your grief off.
Can you use your grief to start a grieving mothers group? If you donated your son's organs, your local organ bank has many resources for you to move forward. Good Luck! I am so very sorry!

Spring - posted on 10/22/2014

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Its time for healing an family counseling. Yall all need to be on board. This pain will not go away w out the prouper help for the whole family. Pls look into it. It will safe you an your family in more ways than one. God bless you!!!

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