Undecided 5 year old

Mysti - posted on 11/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

6

0

0

My son has come to this point where he will act as if he did not hear me or he will tell me no on the question i asked and then as soon as I move along.. He throws a HUGE temper and kicks and screams because ALL OF A SUDDEN he wants what he said no about. How do you handle this?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/12/2013

13,258

21

2015

You haven't been lenient on him so far, you've given age and situation appropriate punishments. Since he's carrying on, in hopes that he'll get you to give in without discipline, you up the ante.

This is when I adopted the "ENOUGH" approach. I taught my kids that "enough" meant "time to stop, mom's not playing this game" Never really had the run on tantrum happen, but have seen kids that will do it. And in handling those cases, I let them scream and holler in their room. Also, this is a great time to start with the "big boys" talks. Big boys don't scream and holler when they don't get their way. Big boys talk about it. Big boys don't demand anything from their mother, they ask politely. Big boys...etc. Let him know that a 2 yo screams when they're frustrated because they haven't learned how to express themselves with words, but since he's 5, he can use words, and that is what you expect.

5 is tough. Another thing to keep in mind. External stress (school, playmates, any strife at home or otherwise) starts to play a part in their attitudes about now. Encourage him to use words all the time to express himself, and when he starts in on the screaming, just a simple "Enough, son" and off to his "corner" (room, chair, however that works in your home)

Hang in there! Once you get through this, you get middle school tantrums, then you get "teenagerhood"...LOL...Which, I can totally guarantee that this whole experience is one you can survive!

Keep in mind that kids don't always have teh capacity to understand fully what frustrates them, or what triggers them. The only way to get them to understand is to continue to help him vocalize and problem solve. If you are at wits end, tried everything, and he still acts out, perhaps a physical evaluation would be in order, but I seriously doubt it at this point...I think you've got an energetic 5 yo that is learning how to express himself, much to your dismay and shattered eardrums!

3 Comments

View replies by

Mysti - posted on 11/12/2013

6

0

0

That is great! Thank you. The trouble that i am having is that I have never had to punish him. I started with taking what he plays with most away and that did not seem to phase him. I dont react when he acts like that. I do ignore it and tell him that we will talk about it when HE is calm enough to talk to me. And HOURS later he is still in his room kicking and screaming.
** In the past he and I would sit and talk about it and then it would just be over. We would come to an agreement and that was that.. Now that he is older he is now trying to TELL me what is going to happen and the fear that i have is that i have been SO easy on him thus far that making these changes needs to start with me and I am not sure how to do that. I am now sticking with my word and not going back. But he is still pushing his limits so far that I am not sure how to handle it.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/12/2013

13,258

21

2015

Stay firm. If he said no, and you gave him a chance to change his mind (he is 5 after all) and he still said no, but proceeds to throw a fit, shut him down.

I always found that my boys responded well to a firm ENOUGH when they started a fit, followed by putting them in time out (well, my equivalent, anyway) Once they calmed themselves (I would tell them that no discussion would happen until they were calm), we would discuss how inappropriate that reaction is.

The key when they hit this tantrum stage is to NOT let them get to you. Basically ignore them and when they still are screaming keep telling them you will NOT do anything until THEY calm themselves. The only time I responded to tantrums (a whole 2 times, once with each kid) was when they melted down in public. They were firmly and quickly removed from the public situation, set in time out to calm themselves, and then age appropriate punishments assigned. Since both fits were over the stupid penny machines at the store, neither was allowed to get a 'prize' for the next 5 times they accompanied me to the store.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms