DeeDee - posted on 06/13/2012 ( 333 moms have responded )
Okay I have been with my husband for 9 years now. Married for 6. He has custody of his 12 year old and 10 year old boys and we have one child together. A boy whom is 5 years old. My husband has a anger issue. I didn't realize it as a major issue until the past two years. I do know that my husband has tourette syndrome, OCD, Seizures, and bi-polar. He never takes medicines for his conditions so in return, lashes out everyday all day. He has slapped me once, threatened me with a knife and a gun, hit me over the head with a 2 liter bottle of coke while I was holding onto our baby. He threw the phone at me one time because he was ranting about something and I yelled at him to stop (because the kids were sitting right there in the floor watching) and he threw the phone at me and hit my baby on the leg with it...I in return (and I am not proud of my behavior but was furious) threw it back at him and jumped in his face ready to fight because he hurt my child. My husband one time was going to whoop the 10 year old for talking back and when he picked him up to whoop him the child accidentally kicked him in the privates and in return my husband dropped the boy and he fell on his shoulder resulting in a broken collar bone. I carried him to the hospital and told them exactly what happened and I was for sure my husband would pay the price but no cops ever showed up. He is very very verbally abusive to the 10 year old. On a daily basis he puts him down and screams at him and yells at him. My step kids mother has mental issues and is constantly in a mental institution which is why my husband has custody of them. They look at me as their mom since I have basically raised them since they where 2 and 4 years old. Now he is starting to yell at my son whom is 5 years old. He hardly ever yells at the 12 year old.
This has been our life for the past 4 years but really bad the last 2 years. Everyday he comes home from work inspecting the house to see if I cleaned it well enough for him. He then starts on the kids yelling at the 10 year old. But here is the kicker in this situation...70% of the time he is nice. When I tried to leave one time he took my keys from me and begged me not to go and then went and locked himself in my car crying and begging me to stay and he would change. I gave him several chances. Still no change.
He is always saying he's the boss. I work so you do as I say. Just crazy stuff like that. Plus he orders the kids around like maids. It has really gotten to me so I started speaking out to him about the way he acts. And in return he will bring the kids into it and they agree with him because they don't want to get in to trouble. Basically when my husband acts crazy to one of the kids; to make it up to them he goes out and buys them toys, games, etc. And he believes everything is okay again.
My problem is this: I love my step kids like my own child. Leaving is hard because I know if I leave the 10 year old will endure more than he can take. The 10 year old is very close to me. His own mother tried to sell him for $10,000.00 once because she said he looks and acts just like my husband. The 12 year old mainly stays in his bedroom and I believe he would miss me bad too. But I have to protect my own flesh and blood. My son is a miracle baby. He wasn't suppose to be born and three miscarriages later when I had him I was in the hospital the whole time. I am very very protective of my son and I do not allow my husband to whoop him. Because I know my husband can get out of line. I will not leave my baby with his father.
I have family in two states, but I have no job and I am suffering from severe Fibromyalgia and arthritis. So I filed for disability and been turned down twice. Its in federal court now on a appeal. If I win my case I can afford to leave. If I loose again I don't know what to do. I am not afraid of my husband, because I will stand up to him if need be. I am afraid for my son and the 10 year old. I told my aunt what was going on and she told me that I could stay there BUT he will know I am there. Then all hell will break loose because he will blow her phone up and have his parents drive him there to take my son. And if that happens well I guess I would be in prison.
I could stay with my dad but He knows where he lives too and knows his number. He will aggravate him and my dad doesn't deserve that.
I have been saving money behind his back. He doesn't know I been doing that and if he ever finds out then he will be furious. I have 30 bucks now but it took me almost a month to save that without him knowing. Like if I go to the store and something is 9 dollars and I give them a 10. Then I will put that 1 dollar in my special place. If my husband wants his change back then I just give him all the pennies, nickles whatever that is in my wallet to satisfy him.
I have thought about going to a shelter, but here where I live when you go to a shelter you have to file a police report. If I do that then he will be arrested and the other two boys will be put in foster care which is were they do not want to go. I asked them already. Oh and last night the 10 year old was saying he had two aunt Cindy's and of course my husband told him he didn't and a argument started so my husband threw the remote to the tv at the 10 year old and hit him with it in the leg. Then told him he was so F***ing stupid and he was wrong. Just stupid crap like that sets him off. I personally don't get it.
Oh and this one time my mom (which I am not close too and he hates her) wanted to come and get my and my 5 year old and go to Florida for the weekend then bring me back so we could spend time together and try to salvage our mother daughter relationship. My husband got down right ugly about it and said if she showed up he was going to go off the deep end. He went outside and took his razor knife and waited on her. Of course she never showed as usual. But I got so mad. I told him if I ever get to leave by myself I would never come back. And then his mom called just at that time and I answered the phone. She asked me what was wrong because I was crying and I told her. She told him to come to her house. When he got there he tripped out and started yelling at her and she told him if he went over there (our house) and started acting a fool she would put him in jail herself because he was out of control. He stayed gone for hours. When he showed back up and saw my mom didn't come and get us then he was being sympathetic. I know it sounds stupid. But he was. He was hugging me and telling me he was sorry my mom didn't show and that he knew that she has been a bad part of my life for a long time and he apologized for her....It was so confusing but that is how he is. He just explodes for no reason.
Basically its a tough situation....all the way around it is tough. Sorry for it being so long but I did cut it down in size by a couple of years...lol. Any thoughts would be great.