Undiagnosed Aspergers

Tammi - posted on 12/10/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 34 years old. She has been diagnosed with bipolar with anxiety disorder, ADHD, depression (at the tender age of 5) but whenever I have broached the subject of Asperger's to him he brushes me off by saying that she is typical bipolar (if there is such a thing). She has just moved back home after being out of the house of 2 months and my husband and I are beside ourselves. She creates drama wherever she goes and my heart is broken not only for her but for my husband and I. I don't believe that I will ever see peace in the house again as her father (my husband is her biological father) and her do not get along so they are constantly screaming at each other.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/11/2015

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Well, she actually HAS demonstrated that she's perfectly capable of being on her own. The problem here, it seems, is that you ahve allowed her to live in your home without any contract for an adult living in your home. It also seems that you may be a wee bit overcontrolling about your ADULT child's medical issues.

At this point, she's successfully shown that she's a fully functioning adult (not that ADHD, and anxiety disorders are actually debilitating enough for anyone to need a group living situation, really...having been so over blown out of proportion). If she wishes to live in your home, great, but there need to be terms and conditions for doing so. Would you (for example) rent a room to a stranger without having a contract in place? No, you wouldn't...so you need to stop babying your adult daughter. You can't dictate her medical care, nor do you have any authority to do so. You can't dictate her day to day life, either, but you CAN set limits and restrictions, and house rules via contract.

Generally those with the conditions described here are not high drama individuals. She's creating drama so that you will feel obligated to continue to support her. In other words...she's got you right where she wants you.

she says that she can do it on her own, and she most likely can. She keeps coming back because you won't let her do it on her own, and you constantly (most likely) hover over her for the short periods that she does get out on her own. Let her do it. She is the only one at this point who can fix her lack of work ethic, and everything else. She's got to be the one to do so, or you're going to continue to support this person who is capable of supporting herself.

Tammi - posted on 12/11/2015

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Thank you, Sarah, for responding. She has never been evaluated for a group home and I'm not even sure if she would be open to that possibility as she continues to maintain that she can function on her own. She has filed for SSI and has been denied twice so far. An attorney is working on her second appeal. At this point, that is my only hope that she would be able to live a full life. She has held jobs in the past but loses them almost as quickly as she is hired in. To her credit, she has graduated from cosmetology school and received her license from the state. She has also attended Medical Assistance training and recently graduated from there. She needs to study for her state license to become a fully licensed Medical Assistant. Unfortunately her father and I are not in a financial position to continue to support her. She maintains that she can do it but I'm not so sure about that. She has had several "nervous breakdowns" which require hospitalizations. She has even been arrested for domestic violence after assaulting her father in a fit of rage. As you can read, I am at my wit's end and not sure what to do anymore. Thank you for listening.

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2015

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Has she ever been evaluated for a group home? Does she collect SSI, has she ver worked?

Sarah - posted on 12/10/2015

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Bipolar at 5? No way. take her to a neuro psychiatrist for a full evaluation, she may qualify for some services at this point. If she has been misdiagnosed her whole life? I really don't know what to say. ASD kids and adults are not dramatic by nature. They tend to be rigid n routine and flat in affect. I hope you get answers soon.

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