L - posted on 01/20/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )
we cant afford basic needs because of my husbands impossible child support payments.
(we are in Canada) my husband and I moved back from fort mcmurray because the oil sands jobs crashed. we had a very hard time finding jobs because there just aren't many. we were both denied unemployment insurance. I am still unemployed and am currently, completely dependant on my husband. I am also 18 weeks pregnant. I have still not given up on finding a job but its very difficult. I am really scared for my unborn child right now and I cant seem to keep it together.
after a month and a half of surviving on credit cards and a line of credit, my husband finally got a minimum wage job. he's been working for about a month now.
he doesn't make enough to cover the bills. all we can do is hope to pay the minimum payments on our credit accounts. we cant afford oil to heat our house, nor can we afford to keep a car running. its all being paid by dwindling credit accounts.
today I was looking at baby cloths, feeling hopeful that I might be able to buy something for my baby soon, if we can save up enough for something small. then my husband got a call and a letter in the mail. child custody is like a form of collections and my husband was told that his wages were to be garnished from now on. he makes about 1400 a month. we need at least 1800 to survive here. now he has to pay 300 a month as if we were still working in fort mac. he has no rights to his child. he only gets to see him every other random weekend, even though we bought a house within his school bus route. mom doesn't want this child to have a relationship with his dad. it cost us $4000 just to stop her from taking custody and allowing her to change the child's last name to his new step fathers. we got a lawyer who's retainer cost us $5000.
last time the child was visiting I was sitting watching tv with him and he mentioned something about "all fathers don't want their children and just leave them." he said it as if it was programed into him.
he used to want to come and live with us really badly. my husband tried to make this happen but was basically punished for it. afterwards, we would ask "do you want to come over?" and he would respond with a sad "I'm not allowed to talk about it."
we never pushed him or questioned him. I'm only his step mother. I've known this child since he was 3 years old but I was told by lawyers that I have no rights, no step parent does, so stand down. I took a course in child custody and parent planning years ago, so I know better then to use a child for information. however we have both witnesses mom punish the child directly if dad couldn't afford child support or wanted to move on with his life.
I left my husband before (just my boyfriend then), because of this woman. he basically wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend at the time and she would punish the three/four year old if he did anything she did not like. the man was afraid to fight her.
I watched him fight back over the years and it amounted to nothing. there is no such thing as an abusive woman in this province. if your a man and you have a child, you deserve to be punished for it. its part of being a man.
he used to have 50/50 time spent with each parent, then mom took off one day. dad was told by a lawyer that shes allowed to do that so sorry but too bad for you. he never got to see his childs first day of school, nothing.
one time I was baby sitting this child when he was very young and mom showed up to get him. he ran away at the sight of her and hid in his fathers bed crying. he begged me to not let her take him. but I was just some girl and I had no rights so I had to pry him out of that room and give him back to that woman.
now he is 10 years old. if he is visiting us and he hears the words "its time to take you back to mom's house" he gets sick. he turns white and usually go's to the bathroom and throws up.
we have no rights. myself, my husband and the child. I know what its like to have separated parents because I grew up like that too. I could never pressure, or harm this kid. I wish this child could live with us but I doubt the courts will ever allow it. they just don't care.
she does weird stuff too. once, right after my husband sent her a text saying "be there in a minute to pick up ___" she opened the door completely naked.
when we first got back from fort mac she was sort of hinting things to my husband, answering the door in nothing but a bath robe (shes got a lot of kids now). its like she can't understand that the childs life with his father is separate then her relationship with the father. if she cant have my husband, then he cant see his child.
now I'm pregnant myself. my husband and I planned this baby years ago, but wanted to wait for the right time to have it. we got pregnant, then fort mac fell apart. we came home. we can't afford to live and have to give money to a woman that has three times the cash we do. of course it doesn't count in Canada if a woman remarries or anything. she doesn't work, her husband supports her and she collects probably around 2000 a month from child tax benefit checks. but as far as the court is concerned, she doesn't work, so my husband had to pay her full amount as if she was unemployed and single.
I am so frustrated about this whole thing. there is nothing we can do about it. I can't take it anymore. I have cried and cried so many times over this situation, terrified about how the child was coping. promising him that his father loves him and so do i and nothing is his fault. now that we are facing loosing our house, we might be forced to leave this child alone again and there's nothing we can do about it. I cant even afford the gas to go to my doctors appointments. I cant buy my coming baby a thing. I have a horrible vision that i'll be carrying my new born around wrapped in nothing but an old sheet. I'm so stressed out. i love my husband so much, but this woman has cost us thousands of dollars and years of misery. i am considering leaving my husband and having this baby alone because i cant handle the stress anymore. i love my family so much but this is too much. its just too much to bare any longer.
i don't know what to do anymore.