Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )
When I met my husband, he was living in his parent's basement (post divorce) and had a 7 year old daughter from that marriage. Since he lived with his parents, they had unlimited access to his daughter when she came to visit once a week and every other weekend. My MIL, therefore, became very close to his 1st daughter - it mimics that of a mother/daughter relationship.
When I was pregnant with our daughter, my MIL announced that my husbands first daughter was her favorite. When I expressed to her how that statement hurt me (knowing I was ready to 'pop' with her second grandchild), she brushed it off and told me and her family that I was the overly sensitive and jealous of how close she is with her first grandchild.
This passive/aggressive attitude has carried out for 3 1/2 years now since that day. Every time my husband or I point out that she is being unfair with the girls - for example - she threw her first grand daughter a birthday party with my MILs family (even though we threw one for her as well) and she didn't throw the second granddaughter (her sister) a birthday party with my MILs family. It is example after example of favoritism that we have pointed out to her. But every time, it comes back to us that I am jealous of how she treats her first grand daughter and I am jealous that she doesn't treat our daughter that way. But she swears up and down that she is 'fair'! Isn't she is acknowledging that she is not fair by pointing out that I am be jealous of her favoritism. It's maddening. We have (I have) since decided to limit our daughters interactions with her while my daughter is young and wont realize the unfairness. Am I doing the right thing? Because we 'get it' from her side of the family on what a horrible person I am for keeping my daughter at a distance... I don't see myself as being jealous - my daughter has an amazing, loving life with me and my husband. I see it as she isn't being fair. I think there is a big difference between being jealous of favoritism and being a critic of favoritism.