Unfriendly four year old

Cheri - posted on 10/07/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello Everyone, I'm new to this page so i'm just making my way around. I'm in need of some much needed advice. I have two kids age 4 (girl) and 2 (boy). The issue I'm having is with my daughter. There is a child in the neighborhood who my daughter wants to be friends with and be accepted by. This child comes to my home to play with my daughter and they get along fine. However, when my daughter goes to her house, this child is mean to my daughter. I've taught my daughter how to stand up for herself and when this child is mean, my daughter tells her that she's being mean and that she doesn't like it. This child tells my daughter that she doesn't care and she doesn't want to play with her. My first reaction is to not let my daughter play with this child but she wants so much to be her friend. When my daughter comes to me with her sad face, I try to smooth things over but telling her that maybe this child isn't have a good day and she may have a better day tomorrow. It tears me up inside to see my child trying so hard to befriend this child who only wants to be friends with her when she comes to our house and plays with her toys. I tell my daughter that it's okay if someone doesn't want to play with her sometimes, she can play with someone else or even by herself. I've noticed that after coming from this child's house, my daughter is very mean to her brother. I hear her saying things to him that I've heard this other child say to her. I don't want my daughter to be mean. I'm at my witts end and don't know what to do. My question is, what can I do to help my daughter deal with the on again off again toddler friendship that she has with this child. Do I stop my daughter from playing with her. Do I not allow this child to come over to our home. Please help. SORRY FOR SUCH A LONG MESSAGE.


Helen - posted on 10/07/2013




As a teacher, I have seen many bad friendships where one child is made unhappy by the other. The unhappy one is always reluctant to leave the friendship. Your daughter deserves friends who make her feel good. I would advice dropping this girl and finding other friends for her. Also, I advise several friends at this stage, rather than just one. Having just one friend makes a child vulnerable.

Is there a mother and toddler group you could join? Meeting lots of other children will help her. Parks are great places to meet others too.

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