Ungrateful 18 yr old . . . any others have any?

Kat - posted on 09/10/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have an 18 year old step son at home, he has always been ungrateful and my husband and I are at our wits end. We have done the tough love, we hold him responsible for his actions . . . We kicked him out once and then things got better and we allowed him back into our home, with rules he has to follow if he wants to live in our house. Such as, he needs to work, go to school and help out around the house. Helping out such as mow the lawn and pickup after himeself. Empty the dishwasher if it is full and he has dirty dishes . . . he was suppposed to go away to college this year but he blew all of $$ this summer so he can't and we can't afford for him to go away, nor do we think we should have to pay for him to go since he blew all the money we saved and put into his account already, (holding him responsible for his actions). His mom is on board with us as well so when he runs to her she doesn't give in. She use to but this is why he won't live there any more. We ask him to cut the lawn and he tells us he is to busy and he goes biking with friends. He expects us to buy him a new car right now and he thinks that we are being unreasable becasue my husband will not co-sign. He has a car to drive whenever he wants, it is paid off, and his mom and dad the insurance. If he wants something else he has to buy it. Well my husband won't co-sign because his son has already shown us he can't keep money and can't save it. My husband said he would co-sign if he could save for a downpayment and a carpayments for 6 months. It has been just a few months and he says he is ready now, however in his account he only has $90. So he went on to tell my husband that he is more respectful, more mature, and more of man than his dad will ever be . . . my mouth fell to the floor when I heard this. He has no clue and doesn't understand comon sense things. Like when he has had parties at our house when we were gone or when he was supposed to be staying at his moms, and we were out of town. He came back in, drinking and swimming in the pool. He didn't understand why were upset. Being under the age of 21 drinking, swimming while drinking, and just plain old being disrespectiful of the rules, he couldn't understand. When my husband explained that he would be the one the cops would ticket and could take to jail for all his son actions, his son said, "so I don't care", (he was 17 then) those are just 2 examples. There is so much more, does anyone have any advice before my stepson finds himself living on the streets?


Jodi - posted on 09/10/2012




So, he lives with you for free. He eats there (for free). He has a car to drive whenever he wants. I am assuming he isn't paying anything to you? He probably even has internet access, and all those other lovely luxuries that most 18 year olds have from living at home. Pull those rugs out from under his feet.

Just out of interest, you say you tried tough love and then things got better and he was allowed home again. Given he is only 18, exactly HOW LONG did you try this tough love for? And why did he want to come back home?

It seems to me there are very few consequences for his actions. Time he felt some of it.


View replies by

Dove - posted on 09/10/2012




He's more of a man than his father? If 'I' were his father I would've said.... You are right. You ARE more of a man than me.... so go out and get your own job, your own place to live, your own car, etc.... I'll help you go pack right now.

Then I'd grab up a bunch of boxes, pack up his stuff (assuming he's actually PAID for any of 'his' stuff... he can have some clothes and anything he's directly paid for himself... anything else he can 'buy' from you), stick it outside, and change the locks.

Tough love does not and will not work if you turn around and go soft on him again. Saying all that... I will never 'kick' my kids out of my house, but once they turn 18... they will either be full time students helping out around the house, working, paying rent, and being respectful, or finding their own place to live. The 'free ride' ends on the 18th birthday.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms