Elizabeth - posted on 12/17/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I have a 2 year old daughter and 4 year old son. Their grandmother (my mom) has minimal contact with them only because me and her do not see eye to eye on A LOT of issues. Most recently my son asked to spend the night at her house (in front of her), which was quite strange to my husband and I. Our son normally puts up a fight when I tell him we are going to visit her. This night, though he did ask to stay wich really put us on the spot. We were at a restaurant for her birthday so we did not have any extra clothes for him or his baby sister. Which I made clear right at that moment. My mom then gave me the evilest of looks and remained silent. My son kept asking and asking to stay with her. I felt bad for saying no, but I really didn't want him staying. All the while this is taking place my 15 yeear old brother took to his twitter and was posting comments about his niece and nephew about them staying the night. He posted. "Don't you dare stay the night! NO NO NOOOOO! GODDAMMIT!" and other post was "His annoyance level was off the scale and he didn't want to be here." You can call it mother's intuition or a 6th sense but something told me to check twitter. When I did, I immediatley became infuriated with my brother. I held up my phone and asked him why he posted this? He just smirked at me, I then told my mom no the kids will NOT be staying at your house. She then asked him what did he post? He just shurgged his shoulders and never gave her a straight answer, so I read the posts to her. All she asked him was Why? and tried to make it seem like not a big deal.
I, on other hand thought it was a huge deal, I have always had this fear that he would somehow hurt my kids. He had once told me he hoped my baby died at birth when I was preganant with my son. He said this in front of my mom and all she did was tell him he had better apologize to me. Which was forced. So my fear has always been there in the back of mind when they go and visit and stay the night without us there. When they do visit he has no interaction with them. He never comes out of his room he is always playing video games. He rarely speaks to any of our family and when he does he is very hateful. I know this is stereotyping but to me he is a cookie cut out of a teen killer. He scares me. He is always in black, hair all in his face, anti-social, he has a negative out look on life, he is horrible to my mother, instead of talking he mostly grunts. I can go on and on about him, but I am pretty sure you get the picture.
(So back at the restaurant, 12/15 a day after the horrible shooting at the school.) My mom is crying, I am crying and all she keeps saying is that she wants them to stay the night. I told her no again and she became angry with me saying that I am over reacting and that I am using this as another excuse for her not to see them. This whole time my brother never apologized, never said that he would never hurt the kids, never said anything to defend himself. I told her that he scared me, and I really am scared for my children when they go over. We then left the restaurant. I have not spoken to her since.
How do I handle this situation. It's not my business to tell her how to raise or discipline my brother, but I am not going to allow my children to be another statistic or victim because she is in denial about her son's behavior.