unsupportive spouse

Nadia - posted on 06/28/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hey I'm New here but with an old problem,I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on the 01 April my hubby was over the moon, I'm a first time Mummy so I struggled abit, now that she is almost 3mnths its hard at Times but I have no support what so ever from my hubby,he hardly carries baby when he's home and if I ask him to change a nappy or something he comes up with an excuse, if I say I need to pew please what her,I come back to find her with the blanket over her face or in her mouth,I get that he is tired but what about me,I don't have time at all and should I ask for a massage he pretends to do something and then forgets about it, I don't know what to do please help because if he wants something I always have to do it with a smile, I feel as if all I have is my baby........please help ! Tanx

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Sarah - posted on 06/28/2015

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This is an age old problem. He is probably a combination of jealous, nervous, scared and afraid to mess up. He won't hurt the baby, nor will he let her suffocate. Now, he knows, you will be right back to fix whatever, so he doesn't need to make any effort at all.
Does he play with her at all? I know she is a bit young. Are you nursing? If so, start pumping and have him feed her a bottle once and again. That may boost his confidence. Once he has a successful feeding or two. Schedule a hair appt and a massage for yourself. Give him some notice but do not let him wiggle out of watching her. Tell him you will leave at noon and be back at 5. He can handle it. Feed her and change her right before you go and tell him to call his mom, a friend or whomever if he needs help and turn your phone off. Really, I know your instinct is to be available for any problem, but what can really go wrong in 4-5 hours? Just like you have to figure out how to help her, so does he. You can snap this cycle of neediness!
I do speak from experience that once they get a bit more durable (5-6 months) my hubby fell in love with all four of our kids. It is that whole scary newborn thing1 They cry, they eat, they poop, they cry. They don't really interact, they are scary!

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Sarah - posted on 06/29/2015

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If there is one piece of advice I can give right now, is do NOT give up on introducing a bottle. I made that mistake with my third and he was linked to my breast until he was on solids. Some tricks to get her to try it are to offer it when she is in a good mood and a little hungry but not starving, warm the nipple up so it feels more like you and have someone else (ideally dad) give it to her. When she is in your arms, she is only going to want to nurse! We had a saying in our home, "mama takes care of the north end (feeding), daddy gets to take care of the south end" (diapers) What does he say when you ask for help?

Nadia - posted on 06/29/2015

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Tanx so much for your reply, I am nursing and can't express due to the fact that baby does not want the bottle at all,yes he does play with her for about 20 Mins a day and that's it and there is no burping or nappy changing that he does so now you see y I'm finding it so hard, I just feel like crying because I don't get time to just relax,thank God my angel sleeps well at night and gas a set routine which gives me a little time at night only, I feel as If he serves no purpose in my life besides providing for her financially,I sometimes think he has someone else because he doesn't even ask me how I am or how was my day, nothing at all,I fear that I have lost him because he sees me as a mummy and not a wife

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