Unsure of how to deal...

Randi - posted on 03/26/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Four weeks ago I gave birth to my daughter Maddison. She was 6 pounds, 36 weeks and her heart stopped beating the night before I delivered. I lost her due to a cmv infection that caused a placental ubruption. My pregnancy was perfect up to that point. I had no clue and now live in a constant state of denial. I have been told that this can never happen again, at lest not due to a cmv infection, it was a rare side effect of a common virus most of us have had without even knowing it. Yet because it caused the ubruption I will be considered high risk for precautionary measures but my doctor said he does not believe that it would be a horrible thing if i was to try again. I do not think my husband will want to. This would have been his first. (I have two from a previous marriage) He wasnt sure the entire eight months I was pregant about how he felt about being a father, it seemed as soon as he got excited I lost her. I know how horrible this is going to sound but in an attempt at reconnecting with my husband we ended up being have sex only two weeks after I gave birth. (I had just stopped bleeding and just craved the closeness) I am strangely comforted by the idea that maybe I could be pregnant. Is that impossible, how likely is it? i am completely numb most of the time and i know i need more time to heal physically and mentally but for some reason this makes it a bit easier to wake up in the morning which is the hardest part of my day, having to remind myself I dont get to have her. This is something I have to remind myself several times a day because I still feel i am going to meet her any day. When would I be able to tell if I am pregnant with a home test. I dont want to talk to any one about this.

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Sarah - posted on 03/26/2013

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I am sorry for your loss. As for being able to take a home test I would give it a few weeks. If you gets and it is neg. give it another few weeks (so it would be a total of 1 month after you had sex) and then test again. What you are going through is very normal....all of it the denial, the sadness, the longing for another. Each person deals with grief in their own way. And there are many stages of grief that one can go through. I would encourage you to join a support group for those that have lost a child. I would check with the hospital as often times they have support groups for those that have had a still birth or lost a child shortly after birth. Sometimes just being able to share or even listen to others helps. It lets you know that you are not alone and that others feel the same things. For some people they want to never venture down that road again. For others it takes awhile and time but eventually they get to the point where they are ready to venture down that road again. And then for others part of the healing process is going down that road again and having it be successful. They are able to close the door on one chapter in their life and open the door to a new one.

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