**UPDATE**Possible job opportunity out of state

Amanda - posted on 07/19/2011 ( 63 moms have responded )

4

0

0

My husband and I have been talking about relocating our family. Right now my parents and mother in law all live in the same state we do. My husband has a possible awesome job opportunity in another state where I can be at home with my boys. I told my parents about the interview and they are really upset with me, they are making me feel like I am being selfish for wanting to move away but there aren't too many good job opportunities where we currently live either. Anyone have any input on the situation?



** I guess I should let everyone know that I do get to stay at home right now with my boys but I run a full time daycare with five other children. I really want to be able to do more with my boys. Where the job opportunity is we will still have some family as well (aunts, uncles, lots of cousins), just not our parents.

I will let you all know what happens.



***UPDATE*** Thank you so much to everyone who gave their input on our situation. It has made me feel a lot better about our decision. Even though the company liked my husband and want to get him hired on, they decided to promote from within. I know that God has a plan for us and he has some good possible leads with other companies. As for my parents, they have come around and one of the sates that we are looking at they are willing to relocate (just as many of you said). Thanks again everyone, reading all the posts made me feel good about our decision!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jodi - posted on 07/19/2011

3,533

36

3906

It is not selfish to want to explore new opportunities for your children and family. It is, however, incredibly selfish of your parents to suggest you are being selfish in doing so. Their reaction is about THEM and THEM only. That's what's selfish her. They aren't thinking of you and your family at all.

Rebecca - posted on 07/20/2011

1

0

0

We are currently in the exact same situation, with the exception of that we have accepted the job and will be moving within a month. While our parents are not necessarily happy with the longer drive, and I would prefer to be closer, you need to do what's best for the family. Luckily our parents understand that and have kept their negative feelings in check. While they of course wish we were moving closer rather than farther away, they understand that it is our decision. I think you need to sit down, and tell them your decision as well as your reasons for doing so. Understand their dismay at losing you to distance, but make sure they understand that while you like being closer to them, the well-being of your family is of the greatest importance. These are your children, not theirs, and it is important you make the best decisions for them in the long run, even if it means you will not be as close to your extended family.

Amy - posted on 08/10/2011

4

0

0

I'm in the same situation right now. Me, my boyfriend and my son, we're wanting to move to Florida because we want to get away from this town that we live in because of too many nosy people up in our business and I'm suppose to start a new job working at a daycare center. I feel like my family is against me moving but there is no jobs down here for us and I'm fed up of putting in applications all the time. I need someone's advice on this to help me out. What should I do? Please help !!!!

Jareen - posted on 08/08/2011

24

22

1

Amanda, when you took your wedding vows "Forsaking all others for your husband" Amanda you go and live your life with your husband and son's your parents are the one's who are selfish, Tell them that you love them and even though you are moving far away that doesn't changes anything in the way that you feel about them. Move on you are no longer their child Amanda, you are their daughter and the Mother of their Grand-Children, and most of all you are a wife. God said what he has joined together let no man put assunder. Blessings with your daycare, and with your family. You are doing nothing wrong, so don't feel guilty. Best wishes to you Amanda.

Tracey - posted on 07/25/2011

24

0

0

i think your parents ar being really unfair, you should do what you think is right for your boys yourself and your husband and they should understand that. there are so many new inventions now to keep in touch, like the phone! they could learn to skyp to keep in touch, we have family overseas and thats how we do it no one begrudges them the distance because its whats good for them. maybe you could sugest that your parents move too and they could be closer to everyone else?

63 Comments

View replies by

Elsa - posted on 10/10/2014

10

0

0

My opinion only. I feel your boys come first. They grow up too fast and you don't want to sit back one day and say I wish I could of spent more time with them.

Amy - posted on 08/10/2011

4

0

0

I'm in the same situation right now. Me, my boyfriend and my son, we're wanting to move to Florida because we want to get away from this town that we live in because of too many nosy people up in our business and I'm suppose to start a new job working at a daycare center. I feel like my family is against me moving but there is no jobs down here for us and I'm fed up of putting in applications all the time. I need someone's advice on this to help me out. What should I do? Please help !!!!

Glorimar - posted on 07/29/2011

1

36

0

you need to do is to do right by your family. i understand that you and your parent are probably close but what they don't understand that sometimes you need to leave the nest even though you probably stay a few mins away from them but you have too look @ tge big picture if your husband does good on this interview which i hope he does then give the best thing for you guys and go. your parents would understand. wish you the best of luck and GOD BLESS

Dusky - posted on 07/29/2011

1

4

0

Live your life to the "best of your" ability. You only get one shot at it and making choices of what's best for others isn't the answer. Self, husband and children should be your only worries...if it isn't what the others like, want or what works best for them, then so be it. They WILL learn to accept your choices as well as respect you for doing what was best for your immediate family. Believe me you aren't at the top of their list during decision making time!

Sally - posted on 07/25/2011

2

24

0

I just want to say first off, I'm facing this same issue where my husband has a great job waiting IF I finally say okay lets go. Thing is we have no family there, it is all here. So, this comment kind of hit home for me. BUT I also want to say, with no offense to your parents, but they raised you to be a responsible adult and they should be very proud of you and your husband, they should support you, especially if this move means you don't need to home daycare and you can spend all the time in the world having fun with your own children. I, personally, am not ready to leave my family, but every day I battle within myself about this same thing. And I know that the right thing for MY family (as it would likely be for yours too by the sounds of it) is to move. And you know what, for the parents to say you are being selfish and trying to talk you out of it and keep you where you are is EXTREMELY SELFISH on their part. You are making this decision for the betterment of your own family that you are raising. I say do it. Move, it will give you the freedom to do what you want and really if it's better for your family, being your husband, you and your children, then yes do it. You live for them, your parents did for you.

That's just my opinion, you will do whatever is best for your family, but remember this is your family you are talking about and no matter what your parents, friends or other family say, it is a decision to be made between you and your husband and I have faith you will do what's best in your heart. Good luck Amanda!

Gina - posted on 07/25/2011

4

5

1

You have to do what is right for your IMMEDIATE family. While I'm sure you love and respect your parents, it is not their right or decision to decide what is best for you, your husband, and your boys. If your husband gets the better job in the other state, I say go for it. Your parents will get over, and if not, that is on them. I had to move out of my "hometown" due to my husband's work, and while my parents weren't happy about it, they dealt. Granted, we are only about an hour and a half away, so a little different than your situation, but they still come over to visit (my mom comes every weekend since my son was born almost 2 years ago and my dad and step-mom come when they can, usually every couple of weeks).

Janessa - posted on 07/25/2011

289

10

0

Do what's best for you and your family. Don't feel guilty and don't let them make you feel guilty. You have to do what you have to do. Good-luck

Vickie - posted on 07/25/2011

127

14

7

Don't let your parents play the guilt trip card. With the economy in such a sad state, it's be very foolish to turn down a great opportunity. When you got married, your husband became the center of your life. You owe it to your husband, yourself & your children to grab this wonderful opportunity & move ahead. And you will have other family where you're moving. When I moved from one state to another, aside from my husband & his family, we didn't know anyone at all & don't have any of my relatives living nearby. And if I had to do it all over again, I would!

Caroline - posted on 07/25/2011

7

3

0

I am also in the middle of relocating....You need to put the needs of your husband and children first...be positive and let your friends and family know that you need to do what's right for you but they will still be an important part of your life. Figure out creative ways to keep in contact. Good luck and keep the faith!

Denise - posted on 07/25/2011

219

69

25

Hi Amanda, You need to do what is best for you and your family. I think it is unfair of your parents to make you feel selfish. They in fact are the ones who are being selfish. They should want what is best for you especially with the economy right now. How far away will you be?
I say do what is best for your family...we only live on this earth once so we have to make the best of it. :) Good luck with your decision.
Denise

Shelby - posted on 07/25/2011

4

6

0

You have to determine where your (and your husband/children) quality of life is better. If moving is the best thing for you and your family do it! With Facebook, Skype, cellphones etc. keeping in touch is so easy to do. We once opened Christmas presents on a webcam so my parents could feel a part of things still (when we lived in Florida and they lived in Ohio). You aren't doing this to upset your parents - you are doing what you feel is the best opportunity for your family and your parents/inlaws shouldn't fault you for that.

Jessica - posted on 07/25/2011

3

31

0

We are in the same situation! My husband has already started his job in Tennessee and we live in Georgia. Since we were unable to find a new home before school starts here the kids and I have moved in with my parents for the next few months while we keep looking. It is also an opportunity for us to save a lot of money. My parents, grandparents and ex are not thrilled, but in this economy you have to go where the jobs are. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom and full time Pampered Chef consultant so I can work anywhere. We don't have a choice but to go where my husband can find work. Keep your chin up and do what's best for you, your husband, and your children.

Jennifer - posted on 07/25/2011

56

23

1

Okay first of all, don't worry about those that are upset with you. You became a whole separate family when you got married. If this is what is best for YOUR family, then go where your heart tells you. You want more time for your kids and it is a great opportunity. They can come visit or you can go back there, but either way it is not up to them. It is up to you. If they love you, they will accept it and should be encouraging it. Who pays your bills?? Not them. I have encountered a similar situation...but with me being in school. I am pre-law, however, there are no law schools where I am, even though the city we live in is big enough for one. Well, when I am ready and pass the LSAT, we have to move to the town that I end up going to law school at. My dad's side of the family is not happy, because they won't see my two boys. BUT, they don't pay my bills and I won't do a dead end job. Also my husband's ex is upset because her girls won't see their dad as much for the 3 years we have to be gone. BUT, we told her that we could do the summers with them if she will let them come all summer, and we will come in every weekend to see family and friends, and get them...if we are in the same state. It is just that if I don't do this, our family will struggle. So, I am doing what is best for all of us, it is just going to take sacrifices for the better. So, let your heart guide you, from your post, it sounds like you would rather him take that position...so do it!!

Johnsonfoye - posted on 07/24/2011

4

0

0

I guess the best thing to do is to really follow your heart. This is a decision between your husband and you. If you both have agreed to move since the job is better then GO. Please don't make the mistake of self pity for your parents as long as you know you will still support them where ever you are then my advice is that you kindly GO and make a more fruitful years ahead of you. Take the opportunity now you might never have another chance.

[deleted account]

I think that's a completely personal decision. My husband and I have lived away from ALL of our family since we first got married. There are plusses and minuses - we live in an area where prices are more reasonable and we can live a lifestyle where we spend lots of time together instead of being at work 12 hours a day. But we definitely miss having grandparents, cousins, etc nearby. It's harder on us (no free babysitting!) as well as our kids and our parents missing out on seeing each other.

The most important thing is that you and your husband make the decision together, and do what you believe is best for your family. No decision will be perfect. It's not fair for the grandparents to try to make that decision for you.

Trisha - posted on 07/24/2011

6

19

0

Amanda- As a parent, so often you have to make sacrifices and do what is right for your family. In this case, a better job opportunity in this economy is a high priority, Moving away from your family isn't such a big deal as it was 50-60 years ago. Many kids live away from their grandparents, and all survive just fine. Just makes the time they DO spend together more special! In March, I moved my 11 year old from Missouri to North Carolina. In Missouri we left her aunts, and only remaining grandmother. And honestly, we both are faring MUCH better with the space between us and the rest of the clan. Just sit down with your husband and weigh all the pros and cons and do what is best for you and the kids, NOT your parents!

Camille - posted on 07/24/2011

5

27

0

I totally understand what you are going through. My husband accepted a good job in South Dakota and moved there two weeks ago. I am still in Texas with our two boys. I am a teacher. Although, he wants us to move with him in December...I am thinking I will stay and finish out the year. He will probably only come home once a month. It is really difficult. Although, my family is already four hours away they are still hoping we will stay. His family, on the other hand, lives 5 mins from us. They are elderly. It is a really, really difficult decision. You have to do what is best for you, your husband and the kids.

Lisa - posted on 07/22/2011

2

0

0

I just did that very thing although the job opportunity was for myself. We moved away from our families to a town where we had no family. My family was devastated that we took the grandkids away. We agonized over the decision making but decided that we would regret it if we did not do it. My husband and I had always talked about moving somewhere and this job opportunity allowed us to do it. You just need to keep talking about the pros and cons. Understand what the sacrifices are and determine if it is worth it. And then decide if you want to take the risk. You can always go home if it doesn't work out. Or try it for a few years and then come home. It's not a permanent decision. But then again you may love it and never look back. We are so happy with our decision despite what we gave up. It was scary, we took a risk but know we will live with out regret. It was our chance to do something we always talked about. I have a 1 and 3 year old and now that we are settling into our new home, they have settled too. It will work out one way or another. You'll meet new friends who will be your support network and in your case you also have family. Do what's right for you, not your family. With respect to my parents, thank goodness for skype!!

Debbie - posted on 07/22/2011

9

1

1

We went through that last year. My husband was laid off and it took him 13 months to get hired at another company. I'm pretty much a stay at home mom, but I did have a part-time job. Once he got the offer, we had to move. We both grew up in the state of MI and ALL our family is there. The job took us to WA state. All the way across the country! Both sets of parents were upset that we were leaving, but they knew we had to go to provide for our family. I think your parents and in-laws simply reacted from the news and didn't give it much thought. Of course they are going to be upset you're no longer right there. However, they need to look at it from your point of view, not theirs. Let them know it's a place they can come visit for a little get away, or vacation spot. Your parents can go exploring the new land with their grandchildren when they visit. For my situation, I can say I never thought I would move this far west, but I LOVE IT OUT HERE! Definity use Skype to video chat with them. That is how my mom is surviving w/o us. And my in-laws are looking into getting a webcam so they can video chat as well.

Dawn - posted on 07/22/2011

10

64

0

Hey don't worry your parents will eventually understand. My husband and I moved here from Illinois and our entire family all live in Southern and Northern Illinois. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

Amanda - posted on 07/22/2011

28

19

5

I would go. You guys may never get an opportunity like this again. Besides it is ultimately you and your husbands decision. Only you know whats best for your family. Do what you feel in your heart. What does your husband think? Is he all for it? If so, GO!!! Your in-laws and parents ofcourse will be unhappy, but we each have to follow our own course. There might be something incredible waiting for you there. You never know.... I hope everything works out, no matter what you decide. :)

Tomi - posted on 07/21/2011

18

29

3

Your parents are scared. They feel they will be losing their baby and their grandbabies. It's understandable for them to resist any change especially if they are used to seeing you all on a regular basis. That being said, you and your husband have to do what is best for you and your kids, even if that means the hard decisions of moving away from home. Let your Mom know you understand her feelings and that you know it's scary. But also assure her that she is not losing you and that you love her and with more free time you can come back for visits often.

Tomi - posted on 07/21/2011

18

29

3

Your parents are scared. They feel they will be losing their baby and their grandbabies. It's understandable for them to resist any change especially if they are used to seeing you all on a regular basis. That being said, you and your husband have to do what is best for you and your kids, even if that means the hard decisions of moving away from home. Let your Mom know you understand her feelings and that you know it's scary. But also assure her that she is not losing you and that you love her and with more free time you can come back for visits often.

Michelle - posted on 07/21/2011

1

0

0

Amanda, I can so relate. My husband and I are relocating with his job in August. Both my mom and my brother live in my subdivision. I have never lived away from either one of them so it is a tough move for me. They are both very supportive though and I am sorry that you are not getting the same from your family. It was a difficult decision to make but it was the only one that made sense professionally (for my husband). Sometimes you have to do what is best for your family unit regardless of what the feedback is from others. Just try and plan some vacations that will include them etc. Good luck! I know it is tough but it sounds like you already know what you guys need to do. God Bless.... :)

Svetlana - posted on 07/21/2011

21

1

0

Krystal what do you do for a living? I've been looking for a job from home for so long, I do not want my children in daycare, I just don't know what to do anymore! Thank you =)

Miza - posted on 07/21/2011

7

30

0

Hi Amanda
I was just thinking to myself what a crazy idea for me to have decide moving out of my country with a little 2 yr old! I am planning to move to Japan with my toddler and my husband will follow suit later when he had tied things up at his workplace. At the moment I still don't have a job there but am still actively searching. Of course this will only happen when I have secured a job there.

I am not Japanese literate, but I have lived in Fukuoka with a japanese family for 3 months. I went to school there as well. My japanese sisters are all over the Japan. I have friends living in Osaka and Sendai. One cousin in Okayama. So there are few contacts of friends and family around.

I'm thinking if you have social networks around, and a better job opportunity, why not? I haven't told my parents about my plans and I'm very sure they'll be upset too but really, we're talking about our chances in life. It is not an easy decision to make, really. I guess it's too shocking for your parents and they need time to digest it all in. Hope things go well for you in the end *cross fingers*.

Min. Doreen - posted on 07/21/2011

1

0

0

Amanda, when you got married man left mother and father, and two became one flesh. Wives are to submit to their husbands. Do the right thing according to the Bible and you will never regret your decision. This is a decision to be made by your husband and you alone. You don't want the backlash in your marriage of a decision based on parental input.

[deleted account]

Keep it in perspective. It could be worse! You could be leaving the country (which is what we did)...

Weigh the pros and cons, and if you decide to go then let your family know that you'll be back to visit when you can. They'll get used to the idea. Besides, there's always skype!

Misty - posted on 07/21/2011

5

36

0

I'm in the same boat.. but my fiance lost his job and he would like to move us to california.. his family lives there and mine lives here in nc/sc.. I'm lost on what i should do..

Pilar - posted on 07/21/2011

1

0

0

Yu as a wife need to support your husband for the health of your family. Grandparents will be in the same country and you will still have relatives in the new state. We are in a diferrent country all by ourselfs and thanks to God we are fine!

Chris - posted on 07/21/2011

1

0

0

Dear Amanda: When my kids were little, we moved away from family for better jobs several times. My husband made a lot of money and we had a lot of options, but we chose to go back and visit family that we had left behind. We seldom took real vacations, just domestic visits to family.

Today, our children are grown and we have kids who live in Texas, Arizona, and Louisiana. We live in Southern California. Our grandkids live far away and we realize that we started that trend with our initial decision to chase a better opportunity. We allocated nearly $24000 to travel last year just to see grandkids. Think about how you will fund visits and what you might miss out on because your next trip will be to see family instead of the world.

S - posted on 07/21/2011

7

0

1

Hi, I am going through the same kind of situation, with relocating to another country. I would think that if your parents/in laws live really close to you you probably should consider how much/often you see them. But I'd say go for it!!! having the oportunity to stay home and take care of your children may not happen any time soon again! If you're tempted, the city's nice and your husband's job interresting, just do it! it is not selfish at all, but if you see your family often now you may feel isolated, that's all... Good luck with whatever you decide!

Kelly - posted on 07/21/2011

3

10

1

Amanda, you and your husband have to do what is right for your family. Your parents are upset right now, but I am sure after some time passes they will understand. A webcam and Skype or a instant messenger and they can still "see" the grandkids. I know it is a difficult thing to do.

Melanie - posted on 07/21/2011

1

19

0

We are going through the same thing right now...only I'm the one with the job opportunity. We have decided not to tell our parents until we know something for certain. It may come down to me going ahead of my family and having them follow me in a couple of months. As everyone has said before...you have to think of your family first. The grandparents will come around. Ask them what they would do in your position.

Jackie - posted on 07/21/2011

1

10

0

Amanda
In the current job market today,you have to consider all opportunities. Your parents may be upset about the move but will get over it. We had to move away from family for a couple of years but the grandparents visited.

Cathy - posted on 07/21/2011

6

20

0

You have to do what's best for your family (your husband and kids). This sounds like a job that is too good to pass up! Your family will get over it - they are just sad to see you and the kids go! You will only come to resent them if you stay and let this great opportunity for your husband (and for your kids to have the experience of living in a different state) and his career. You can always come back if it doesn't work out or you are unhappy!!! I say GO FOR IT!!! I wish I was in your situation, honestly!!!! Let us know what you decide!!! I will say some prayers that you make the best decision for you & your family!!!!!

Jenn - posted on 07/21/2011

1

0

0

We are moving THIS weekend from PA to TX. All of our family lives close. We have a great support system and lived in a great neighborhood. I loved my part time job and was able to stay home with my children. I love living here but a great opportunity came up for my husbands job across the country. After much thought, research and prayer we made the decision to move. He went to TX and i stayed behind with the kids to sell the house. It has been 7 months!! It has been a loooong road but i am still confident in our decision. We are leaving a lot of great things behind but a wonderful adventure awaits us. My mumber one advise is to make sure that u and hubby are on the same page and are both 100% behind the move. We had a bad reaction from my parents, but that stemmed from sadness. My in-laws we mixed emotions. Bottom line, u have to do whats best for you. Your parents, in-laws etc will always be there but you married your husband. and the two of YOU had children...u are a family and your only concern should be what is best for you four. Trust me, your parents and anyone else that really matters will still be there. It is hard dealing with it all but i feel great that we are moving from a great place because it means we are loved and distance doesn't change that. I grew up away from my grandparents and we were "closer" than most who libe across town. It is tuff Amanda, but if the two of you decide that is best for YOUR family go for it and know that your decision is the right one for YOU :)

Lisa - posted on 07/20/2011

7

1

0

As much as we love our parents we have to do what is right for our own families that we are nurturing. Your parents will get over the shock if you decide this is what you want to do and they can always come for holidays. So go with your hearts as to what is right for your boys and selves and you can't beat being home with your kids as you don't get the time back. Good luck and I hope you make a decision that makes you, your husband and children all very happy

[deleted account]

I think that YOU need to think selfishly. What do YOU want? Really? And also you need to think long term and into the future. What benefit will there be for you? 15 years ago we moved from VA to TX for an awesome job opportunity. The kids grew up and are on their own, we divorced and I long for my extended family and friends back east. I can't move back because I'd miss the kids and grand kids and staying here I miss the rest of the family. It's a tough decision. Are your kids close to their grandparents? That's a special relationship that benefits kids greatly. Will you really be happy not seeing your own parents regularly? Everything will be different, holidays, birthdays, everything. Who will help if you need it? How will you help the parents if they need you? Family is important. Also, it's really hard to just make new friends as adults and being a stay at home Mom is tough and can be lonely. Just think it through.

Gail - posted on 07/20/2011

2

0

0

Unless your parents are going to give you money to support your family (and nothing is free in life:)) you have to know deep in your core that this is the right thing to do for your family! Best of luck to you.

Connie - posted on 07/20/2011

4

2

0

Go for it!!!!!!! Do what's best for you and your immediate family. It doesn't have to be permanent, and they can always be wecome to visit. Don't feel guilty. It's sad, yes, because they'll miss you and your family, but it's a tough economy right now and your children are young only once. Go for it!!! With joy!!!

Lori - posted on 07/20/2011

1

0

0

Eek! I'm sorry for the difficult spot you are finding yourself in. I am sure it is one that many a Mom out there can relate to. Especially in this economy where you have to take what you can get. I think it is awesome that your husband wants to better his job situation so that you can stay at home with your sons! Bravo for men like that! I am a Christian and so the first thing I would be doing is seeking to know God's will in the situation. He can see much further down the road than we can and knows exactly what is best for you and yours. Ask Him for guidance. He had NEVER let me down : )

Sharon - posted on 07/20/2011

19

36

0

It's not selfish at all, you can either move to another state where your husband has a great opportunity, or you can do what I do right now. My husband works in another state, he goes away for 3 weeks & come back home for 1 week, then go again. It's hard for me but I get to stay at home do all the normal housework, catching up with girlfriends, attending to all the school function while the kids are at school. Thank about it, you don't want to pass a good opportunity for your husband, you might as well take it while you guys have the chance, a good offer is not going to last long.

Mary - posted on 07/20/2011

5

2

0

i think you need to do whats right for your family. My husband and i have just moved interstate with his job because a good opportunity came up for his career development. I was a great choice for us as my kids have settled nicely and i get to stay home with them giving them all my time and attention. I think your parents will adjust to the change in time.

Carin - posted on 07/20/2011

2

16

0

Hi amanda - i hear you! I moved away from my entire family and have a 2 yr. old. my mother makes me feel bad about it all the time, but both my husband and i had job opps across the country. My mother in law does live where we live now. she would be devastated if we moved again, far from her, but she does understand that we need to think about jobs etc and providing for our family. it's a really tough situation. I suggest speaking openly with you parents about what is important to you and your family's needs. You are being anything but selfish. Would they consider moving as well? my parents live closer to my 3 brothers and their families - - so they wont leave them. And i am the youngest, only daughter! i wish i had more helpful advice for you. good luck and keep us posted!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms