URGENT ADVICE NEEDED! PLEASE HELP?

Jonnie - posted on 10/07/2015 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have been my little brothers gaurdian, a long with my great great aunt, since he was 4 years old. He currently lives 90% of the time with our great great aunt because she is home 24 hours a day for him. He is now 15 years old and i am 28 years old, and i just found out that that he is smoking pot. I found a phone that he has hidden from us and found that he and all of his friends are smoking, sexting, and selling things on some sneakerhead trading website from facebook. They are sharing their addresses with random men and boys and sneaking out of the house periodically, not to mention he is having sex now. I am totally blown away and at a loss for words or discipline. He does not want me in his life and made that very clear once i took his phone and told him he wouldnt be getting it back. Please help. I dont know what to do. I have put myself in his shoes and considered both points of view. I have a parent teacher conference set up but i do not know how much to share. I really just want the teachers to keep and eye on him and to let me know if his behavioral tendencies change. I really want to let these kids parents know about these photos being shared but i am fearful of this information effecting these kids lives.... please help me?!?!

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Judy - posted on 10/07/2015

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Im raising my grandson who is 13. I was having a problem with not wanting to be harsh on him when he started to hang with the very type ur brother is. But as it was pointed out to me, I"ll pass on to you.. He is a teenager. He "thinks" he knows whats best for him. Most teens dont like their own parents or guardians anyway. But, you ARE his guardian and am responsible for him. Therefore, stop letting him get by with not wanting to be with u. He's at his great great aunt BECAUSE he is getting away with what he is.. Not for her not wanting to discipline him, but because things are different now than they were when she was of a young adult. She isnt aware of whats out there. IF she's anything like I was prior to being "woke up" that is. Your young enough to know whats out there, what is what on the net, He NEEDS you now more than he knows. You still have a chance at getting your brother under control and having him turn into a fine adult. Yes talk to the counselor at school.. get him help if it is suggested. I found the counselor at my grandson's school a huge help. Stay strong... be a "mean" parent...as some kids would call disciplining and staying on top of the school issues. However, along with discipline, one also needs love. Talk with him..when he starts opening up to you about ANYTHING listen to him.. talk WITH him, not TO him.

Dove - posted on 10/07/2015

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It already will impact their lives. If they are sending naked pictures they could potentially be charged w/ child pornography... and anything they send can be shared all over the entire world... Someone really should have taught these kids the seriousness of their actions long before now. I would absolutely be going to a school guidance counselor or youth pastor immediately for advice before it ends up a police matter that there is no turning back from.

Camille - posted on 10/10/2015

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I think you did the right thing, at my sisters school the board of Ed sent out an email to all the parents and guardians after two students where arrested for sextexting the email asked that the students phones where looked through and that the children where talked to about it and what could happen to them for doing these kinds of things

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2015

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I don't think what you have done is drastic at all. You are protecting him. Dove is correct that if he has been sexting, he could be charged with disseminating child pornography. That could lead to him being labeled a sex offender! Not to mention, those pics will never disappear. Future jobs, college scholarships etc can all be lost. It is good you have clamped down and hopefully the road ahead will lead to success. It will not be with bumps for sure but, hang in there. Where are mom and dad?

Amaze - posted on 10/07/2015

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Sorry for the painful and confusing time you are having, and appreciate you for sharing it. How about your brother’s friends’ families? Are they aware of what’s going on there yet? It might be best to work out with them first. You may need a professional counselor’s help, too. Praying for you, your little brother, and his friends.

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Jonnie - posted on 10/16/2015

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Okay moms, i need some encouragement. I found a phone that my brother had hidden from me and brought home from school stating, "My friend wanted me to download music onto it". When i asked him to give me the phone stating that i would return it to the school and give them the boys name then proceeded to remind him that he was to have no electronics in the house whatsoever until he began earning things back, he blew up... needless to say, we are now back to - every other word being a curse word and him stating that he is no longer going to take this, he is going to do whatever he wants when he wants, he refuses to be told what to do, etc... I know the obvious is to continue with what I have previously established as far as his punishment and rules set forth but now what?... He stormed out of the house this morning (after giving me the phone, that is) to go to school. I get that he is going to have push back. He has been good for what like 3 days... Mind you, he has not done anything to help out around the house or to "earn" our trust/respect. I guess the question I have is do I just continue what I have already been enforcing or take it a step further now? And what does that even look like?

Thank you for your time and guidence,

Jonnie - posted on 10/12/2015

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Sarah E. - Our mother passed away 8 years ago of cancer. Ours Fathers (different dads) are not in our lives. I met my father only once when I was 18 and discovered he is a very sick man (illness) in no condition to care for himself not to mention another human being. I have met my little brothers father once as well after finding out my mother was pregnant. He left her shortly thereafter, before my brother was born. I dont know any specifics about him. I legally adopted my little brother from my mother when he was 4 i believe i was 17 at the time, just about to graduate high school. My mother had 4 girls and 1 boy but i am the only member of our family that decided to go down a different path for myself and for my brother. My great great aunt has been there for me to be at home 24 hrs a day so he is supervised as i work 10-12 hours a day in hotel management. Its challenging but worth it.

Jonnie - posted on 10/08/2015

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Thank you to all who responded. I truly appreciated everyones advice. I met with the dean at the school first thing this morning. The dean is reaching out to the parents who's kids are invovled. I took all of his electronics and entertainment from his room, removed all doors allowing zero privacy for him (until he earns it back&can be trusted again), and added alarms to all of the windows & doors in the house. This may seem a little drastic but if you saw the things that i discovered, you might not feel that way. I also reached out to a councelor and after much dicussion he agreed to give it a shot. Today was not an easy day but hopefully it will pay off in the end. Oh and he actually apologized and shockingly it seemed sincere. Although i dont trust him at all, today we became on step closer to start working things out, slowly.

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