Us it ok to let my kid have a boyfriend??

Danielle - posted on 05/23/2011 ( 17 moms have responded )

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Well I think that you kid can have a boyfriend or a girlfriend around 12. As long as they don get to sexual. I'm ok with my daughter holding hands with her boyfriend just no kissing at this age right now and she knows the. You just have to inforce the rules.

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Firebird - posted on 05/24/2011

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Haha I've always said that my daughter isn't allowed to have a boyfriend until she's grown up, finished college and married with three kids.

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My kids are allowed to have friends of the opposite sex (and have quite a few), but no boyfriend/girlfriend or dating until 16. I'd be ok w/ small groups under supervision in the early teens, but we won't be at that point for another 3-4 years. ;)

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Jenni - posted on 05/27/2011

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I'm wondering if you did say 'no' if you'd really be able to stop her. I guess it would depend on how strong-willed she is. In my experience a lot of preteens-teens aren't too keen on rules. If you try and stop her, you may just have a Romeo-Juliet scenero on your hands.



I had my first boyfriend at 12. The good news is; most 'relationships' at that age are short lived. I think mine lasted a month or two and then we were just friends after.



It's probably better to lay 'dating' ground rules at that age. Maybe start with supervised 'dates' first. Get to know his parents. Allow him to come over and watch a movie at *your* house.



It is really up to you though and what you feel comfortable with. I'm sure a lot of it will depend on your daughter's personality. How obedient she is or how strong-willed she is.



Also... now is a great time to renew 'the talk'. Except in this talk include relationship advice. Be the mom she can come to talk about boys and responsibilities in relationships. If she's comfortable coming to you, you're more likely to be on the front line if she were to have a difficult question or decision to make.

Dr.shweta - posted on 05/27/2011

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a total no no!you can't trust a 12year old.Even if you trust your kid to the fullest,you can't trust their boyfriend/girlfriend.You can channel their mind to something creative or sports.

Tyarria - posted on 05/26/2011

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srry to be the odd ball..but i think 12 years old is a bit too young... you are asking for trouble...

Danielle - posted on 05/26/2011

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Yes I know alot of guys are saying lots of things about my daughter. My daughter knows the ruler and she's not allowed to have any bit in her room with the door shut. And if I'm at the store then shr has to cone with me or no body in the house. My daughter is a very good kid and she hasn't broke any of the house hold ruler yet.

Mary - posted on 05/26/2011

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Having friends and having "boyfriends" are what we struggle with at any age! How you have helped your daughter understand herself, what she means by a "boyfriend", what you determine from that what is appropriate are the questions of the day. You want your daughter to have success at whatever she does, so with relationships developing you need to have established boundaries as to what she can do. You also want to make sure that she is good at establishing boundaries, herself. Rules help kids say "No" and help them to know someone cares for them.

Usually at age 12 kids want to link up, but I'd lean heavily on the group activities with adult supervision.

Charlie - posted on 05/24/2011

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You may be suprised to know there are responsible teens out there who do respect their parents ( and whos parents usually respect them ) .

You cannot stop the inevitable but you can make sure they are informed , educated and supervised ( without totally crushing their privacy )

Christy - posted on 05/23/2011

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My son is 9. He has had a girlfriend every year since preschool. He is so sweet and gentle with girls, it is really cute.

At different ages, having a boyfriend/girlfriend means different things. I have a 15 year old and a 13 year old and we've had some pretty disgusting discussions about teenagers and sex. We live in a state that only teaches abstinence. I agree that abstinence is the key; however, fully educating kids helps them to make better decisions. In the moment, if they decide to go against what mom and dad have taught them, do they know how to protect themselves?

Kids start becoming sexually active at 13 years old. That means some kids start earlier and some later. YIKES! So the question is, how much does your 12 year old know? What have you discussed? Anal sex and oral sex are not "saving yourself" for marriage or later in life and are just as dangerous when it comes to diseases. Your 12 year old needs to know these things. So your discussion with your 12 year old should contain what is appropriate at her age and how to set boundaries.

Being a mom is the hardest job on the planet! You can do it!

Amber - posted on 05/23/2011

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No need for apologies, I was making assumptions too. I thought the same things at 12, which is why I assumed what I did.

Medic - posted on 05/23/2011

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I was just pointing out ONE side of things...they side I know I would have thought of at that age.....my appoligies I will get it cleared next time before I think.

Amber - posted on 05/23/2011

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Nothing was said either way and you just assumed it meant no supervision. Ground rules being enforced generally leads me to believe that somebody is going to be around to enforce them. I guess we just interpreted it differently :)

Medic - posted on 05/23/2011

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What 12 year old is going to follow those rules if they are left to have alone time with a boy or girl "friend". I remember 12 and yes I knew what the rules are but I sure didn't give a rats rear end what they were.

Amber - posted on 05/23/2011

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Dito to Loureen.
There is no magic number, it's a decision you make based on responsibility.

Charlie - posted on 05/23/2011

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Are they responsible ?
do you trust them ?
do they know the consequences of sexual activity IF it were to happen ?
Do they respect you enough to honour your ground rules ?

If you answered yes to all of those then I would say they could go for it .

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