Vasectomy resentment

Amanda - posted on 08/16/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My husband recently got a vasectomy. I am 35 and he is 37. We have three amazing boys. 8 year old twins and 5 year old as well. I was against it from the start. I reluctantly agreed, after many many months (and even years) of talking about it, hoping he would change his mind and want one more baby. I am very lucky. My kids are amazing, and I love them so much that I really wanted to expand it. But he said no, and as you know, you cannot compromise on this and have half a baby. I was so upset the day he did it that I left the house for the weekend to spend time with my parents. I could not look or talk to him. And while the feelings are not as strong, they still hit me everyday. I will not be pregnant again, I will never feel a baby kick in my tummy, I will never have another ultrasound, and I will never hold or nurse another baby, watch a baby walk, talk, etc for the first time. Im trying very hard not to lament, and I am enjoying my time with my boys. We do so much together and I am so blessed beyond words. Thing is, Im still angry and I resent him. We have a good marriage but there are issues like any marriage has. His parents live with us and he has primary care over them, seeing to all their issues, etc. He has a lot of pressure on him, so I get why he didnt want more children. But, over the passed 6 years, his parents have put a strain on our relationship and the relationship I have with his family. I no longer wish to talk to them (Even though I do, IM not a bitch), I no longer wish to host anything else (Which we have to do since his parents cannot travel). So, needless to say, after he got his vasectomy, I felt cheated, and angry, and there is no going back, ever. I don't know how to get passed it, I don't. I dont want our relationship to suffer, because I love my husband. But Im angry. Im so angry that he took that away from me. I figure its better for me to resent him, then for him to resent a baby that he never wanted (I didn't think he would, hes such a good dad). I know it makes financial sense, etc, but for me, those things are all temporary in the beginning. Lack of sleep, all that. I also came to the conclusion, I will never, ever have a daughter. Never. I never aspired for one, nor would I have cared if this one was a boy, but It was such a final thing to have to feel. Im mentally exhausted and its effecting so many things. My sleep, my patience, My RA symptoms (I have arthritis, and I flare when stressed), our sex life. We have sex every day, and we are passionate loving people. i have not felt compelled to sleep with him, because part of me cannot let go. This cant be healthy. Can someone who went through this please help me? Thank you.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/25/2015

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Old post. Closing. Please feel free to start and updated conversation.

User - posted on 03/25/2015

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I am going through the same exact thing. I wonder what ever happened to your situation??

Amanda - posted on 08/16/2013

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Jodi-I think I may have to go that route. Yes. Thank you for your input. :)

Jodi - posted on 08/16/2013

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Have you considered counselling? You're right, your feelings aren't healthy for your relationship, but a counsellor/psychologist may be able to help you work through these feelings and heal.

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