VERY recently separated, how to tell my ex I'm seeing someone?

Anna - posted on 02/07/2018 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am VERY recently separated from my husband, with divorce papers filed and pending. Our relationship was dead for a very, very long time and for this reason I'm in a different place emotionally than I might otherwise be.

So, I've met someone (quite by accident and after my husband moved out) and I feel I need to tell my soon to be ex-husband. Too many common friends and acquaintances to take the chance that he might hear it from a friend, which I feel would be cruel. We have two school-aged kids, who I definitely do not plan to tell at this point. No intention to flaunt this fledgling relationship, but we live in a tiny town.

We so far have a good parenting relationship, and of course I care about his feelings. How on earth do I tell him that I'm seeing someone just weeks after he moved out?

I realize the knee-jerk reaction would be to say it's too soon, it's probably a rebound thing, etc. Putting those things aside I'd like input from anyone who has experienced something similar.

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Andrew - posted on 02/10/2018

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If he asks if it's true, say yes, but no need to tell (could be interpreted as bragging) you 2 aren't in a competition

Elaine - posted on 02/09/2018

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So sorry about your divorce, Anna. Even when a relationship isn't working, it is still a very painful journey, especially where kids are involved. Only you know what is right at this point.....but you might want to consider a few issues. Once your ex-husband knows, will your children find out? If they do, how will it make them feel since their dad moved out so recently? Is this the time to be in a new relationship or is it better to hold off until the divorce is settled? It is asking a lot of yourself to walk through a divorce and be in a new relationship all at the same time. If this new person is someone you care about and he feels the same say, some wait time should not jeopardize that. I am sure you want someone to hold you through all this and I get that.....but just think about some of this for yourself and your family. Reach out to trusted family and friends to support you through these days as there is a whirlwind of emotions when a relationship is ending, even if it was problematic. I speak from my heart because I want the best for you and your family. I hope this helps even though it might be hard to hear. Be well and stay strong.

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2018

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Just tell him.
Since you live in a small town, gossip will spread very quickly. Just say: I just need to let you know that I am seeing someone. I wanted you to find out from me and not from someone else.

Terri - posted on 02/07/2018

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So when is a good time to tell him this week next month next year at some point he knows you will find someone else the thing with life you do not know when you will met someone I would say is just tell him he knows the relationship is over I take it you will be ok when he finds some else

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