Very worried about my pregnant teen daughter.

Sue - posted on 05/07/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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She's 2 months pregnant and in final year of high school. She wants to finish school - she's due after main exams so thats ok.

This relationship with the father of her child was her first but she was fully educated about using protection etc. I had taken her for the injection to prevent pregnancy when I first noticed them to comfortable with each other ie: they'd already had sex, but was too late.

The father is still very young himself (17) and manipulates my daughter emotionally and lies about small things as well. She had had enough of this and she said they need time to decide on their own futures, etc. He gave her the weekend alone and then pushed for an answer last night. She is having a bad pregnancy - nausea, vomitting, etc and is battling to deal with the pressure from the pushy father and the pregnancy at the same time. She said she needed space and broke up with him last night.

He went back to his place and sent messages out to everyone saying goodbye and took an overdose of headache tablets, then left a message on my phone saying he wanted to see my daughter before she went to school as it was very important. She went and he was still alert and saying how he can't live without her etc. His mom came round and found out about the pills and got him to vomit most of them up etc. His mom now wants my daughter to move in with him...

My daughter does not want to cut him out of his baby's life but really needs distance at the moment to focus on school and getting through the first trimester of pregnancy.

Plus I am very wary about her being involved with a person who is that manipulative and destructive.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter. I know this is only my view of things and that there are 3 sides to every story so I have tried to be as unbiased as possible but the pain for my daughter's sake is very strong. Edit: Oh yes and I'm a single mom as well for the last 11 years.

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Dove - posted on 05/09/2013

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If she needs distance.... keep him away as much as humanly possible. His mental health issues are NOT her problem or her fault. Let his mother deal with him. Your daughter should only be focusing on TWO things right now (well... two main ones)... her grades and keeping that baby safe and healthy... which means keeping herself safe and healthy.

Perhaps suggest some counseling to her, so that she can have a professional sounding board to sort out all these details. If you know the mother of this boy I would suggest to her that she seek counseling for him as well.

Also.... you and her both need to document EVERYTHING this boy says and does. He should be a part of his child's life, but the child also needs to be safe with his/her father and if you have evidence of his flaky mental health.... hopefully he will only ever have supervised visits until he gets his act together.

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Angela - posted on 05/13/2013

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Well, if he's got a new girl in his life, he wasn't so broken-hearted, was he?

I suspect it's a tactic to make your daughter jealous or something but I'd just ignore it. She just needs to keep herself happy, healthy & stress-free during her pregnancy.

Good luck to her.

Sue - posted on 05/12/2013

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Thank you all.
Update - His mum cornered my daughter when I was at work and she was sick in bed (she's having a very tough first trimester with nausea) and I walked in about 15 minutes into the conversation. Very proud of my girl as, even though she was in tears, she told the mum that she will not tolerate his emotional manipulations and lying and that she needs space. The mum said either they break up completely or work in some alone time during their relationship. My daughter chose the break up completely.

Two days down the line and he's already boasting about the new girl in his life....

So thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging words. Now we just have to sort out the doctors and finances :)
Hugs and have a wonderful week!

Angela - posted on 05/10/2013

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His mother wants your daughter to move in with him because she fears for her son's life. You, as a mother, fear for your own child's peace of mind.

She needs to tell him that she would like to get through her final year in school without pressure from him - for the good of her baby and if he had his own responsibilities in order he would be doing the same. She can tell him this in front of his mother so she gets the message as well - you could accompany her when she tells them.

He's obviously more bothered about the relationship with your daughter than about his school studies or the baby. So he doesn't present as the most mature of individuals when he's about to become a father.

Let her tell him that she's undecided about whether she wants him in her life at the moment but his best chance of them getting their relationship back on track is for him to grow up a bit. He should consider her need to keep herself free from stress as much as possible as she gets through her final year of schooling and has the baby. And he should think about his own educational achievements and be concentrating on this.

This will give him some "hope" and whilst it doesn't commit her to anything, it would give them both the chance to wind up their final school year appropriately. Should she decide that she doesn't wish to resume the relationship with him once they've both finished school and the baby's born, that's OK. They're both in a far better place for planning out their rest of their lives. Of course, he *might* just change for the better - you never know!

Good luck!

Norma - posted on 05/09/2013

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Hello, as someone who was in the same situation as your daughter 15 years ago I think I can give you my humble opinion. There is no need to have your daughter sacrifice herself for someone who seems very unstable. As mothers, we must worry for our own. if i would have "stuck" around with the father of my son, well.... I would be in the place of his current "wife" and trust me it's definitely not a good one. She has been beaten, cheated on, and extremely controlled to where she is not close to her family anymore. i know all of this because of the friends we have in common. He's never supported my son financially and has only seen my son three times in 15 years.

Reading your post took me back to my teenage years, before I got pregnant. He would cheat on me, controlled my every move, I missed my own Aztec Ball Princess coronation because he wouldn't allow me to go. When I got fed up and decided to leave him, he went crying, and I mean literally crying, to my mom telling her he couldn't leave without me and saying how he would rather take his life. my mom tried to give him advice and told him to move on. Since his tears didn't work on my mom he moved on to my sister and her husband. Didn't work either. By this time I was aleady pregnant but unaware of it. When I found out and told him he immediately changed. He no longer cared if i found out if he was cheating or not. He would walk right in front of me holding hands with the other girl(s). I was still in high school and I was an honor sudent, so I was determinded to finish my senior year as intended.

I can honestly look back and say.....that was the best decision of my life! Yes, my son has missed out on having a father, and that was my fault for making such a bad choice. But he is definitely not a good role model, so my son didn't miss out on much. If anything, it worked out that he didn't want to see my son.

Like you said, there's always more sides to a story.... and this is mine. Not saying it would be the same for your daughter but I hope my story helps out a bit.

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