Violent 6 year old has been excluded from school :(

Emma - posted on 10/04/2013 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hi I need some advice my son Harvey will be 7 next month and he's been violent at school which has resulted in him being excluded for 2 days... I've tried reward charts,taking away privileges such as favourite toy and no treats no tv but nothing's working... He's always been very aggressive I thought he was just going through the terrible twos when it started but it just hasn't stopped and when I ask him why he was violent he just shrugs his shoulders...the school want a meeting on Wednesday when he's allowed back to school I'm more than willing to work with the school....I have other children who Harvey is spiteful to...he doesn't live in a house where we argue or fight... My husband and I are happy there's no violence or rows... Not sure what other info to give... Any advice????

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[deleted account]

Do you know why was he violent with the kids? It could be that someone started something that he did not like. I am not saying that he is ok harming others but he might be getting bullied himself. Even if he is not, just by listening to him and helping him express himself with words instead of hurting others might calm him. Maybe he doesn't like being that way but cannot help it. Have the rules posted somewhere in the house where he could see them clearly and let him know what are the consequences. Lately I learned to take baby steps with my kids. Remember you cannot change him overnight. It is a learning process for all of you. I have a daughter who is strong willed. She made the whole day difficult on herself and others. It wasn't until we spoke with a counciler that we realized what we are doing wrong. So definitely some sort of professional help will do. Good luck I hope he will change and all works for the best

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2013

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Suspension is often about the school putting resources in place to deal with a volatile student. I have seen lengthy suspensions in particularly difficult cases, and it is often so that (1) the students involved can cool off and (2) the school can ensure necessary resources are in place to deal with the child's return to the classroom. To look at it as not helping you means you are not looking at the bigger picture and understanding that it is a way in which the school can ensure the safety of all students, including your son. Suspensions are generally followed by a meeting with the parent for re-entry to the school, and this is where they discuss with you the resources they can put in place. Ask them for help if you are not sure. I guarantee you, your child is NOT the only one in the school with this issue. They will have resources to help you and your child and will be able to provide some level of support.

With regard to the label, while it is not ideal, it does help with figuring out how to deal with his outbursts if you know what it is. A label isn't about blaming anything or anyone, but rather, allowing you the ability to move forward with the appropriate behaviour management tools.

April - posted on 10/09/2013

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I have a very aggressive 6 year old who has recently been diagnosed with with ADHD and Cognitive Disorder. He has done some pretty bad stuff at school and at home but has not been expelled because his teachers are aware of the situation with his disorders. He has been put on medications that are supposed to control his impulsive behaviors and increase his attention span.I don't know if this information is helpful to you but when you said aggressive I just thought about my son.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/08/2013

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Pretty much everything from Jodi on up is spot on.

Diet can cause outbursts, medical problems can cause it, bullying can cause it.

You need to continue as you've started, have him evaluated by a professional, and start working on remedies. The school did what it had to do to protect all of the kids involved, including your son, and if you're continuing to handle the situation you're doing fine.

Queen Of My - posted on 10/08/2013

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I am not sure if you are considering the allergy route but if you are I have some information for you. My parents in law have gone through test after test from province to province trying to get an accurate allergy test done. They started doing a ton of research and there is a place that they highly recommend. It is a poop (yes you mail your poop) and they test you for everything food related - from varieties of fish to wild meat - everything and then they rate it on a scale of how allergic - so a lower number you can handle in small doses and the higher ones you should never consume. Our son has aggression issues and our other son is allergic to what seems like everything, so they are paying for us to get these tests done as well. It is very pricy (for me at least) - $500 per person - but if you are desperate it might be worth looking into.
Here is the link http://www.enterolab.com/
Hope that helps:)

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Emma - posted on 10/10/2013

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Thanks for all your comments.. Harvey went back to school today and had a relatively good day.. He had to be told off twice but considering how bad he has been recently I see his has a wonderful achievement... He's on a behaviourL plan now and the school are calling in the big guns(one on one support) and the school are going to help while he is seen by specialists... Not sure what the outcome will be as anyone in my situation will know that it's going to be a long road but well worth the journey xxx

Randa - posted on 10/08/2013

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Jodi there was one response that I thought was insensitive apparently it was posted to the while group and not the one comment

Jodi - posted on 10/07/2013

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Randa, I'm not sure what you mean by kicking a dog while it's down, but no-one here has done that. As far as I can see everyone has offered advice in one form or another. Even if you don't agree with the advice, it is still advice on moving forward with her issue.

Randa - posted on 10/07/2013

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Apparently she is trying to get something done! How does the saying go .. Don't kick a dog while it's down jeez

Randa - posted on 10/07/2013

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When my son was about three he would have hyper moments and wanted to hit it ended up being from his diet : red dye! A lot of what we take in affects our brain . I started writing down everything he ate and with process of elimination I found out the cause he would be completely normal and if he had something with red dye in it it would set him off

Karen - posted on 10/07/2013

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Has Harvey had recurring sinus or ear infections? We just found out that our behavioral-handful of an 8 yr old boy has a big list of food allergies and learned that recurring respiratory infections can signal allergies of this sort. While his symptoms are not necessarily violent, there are many kids who do get aggressive with food allergies, esp when they have multiple allergies that pile up and overwhelm their system. Not a lot of practitioners will buy into behavioral symptoms from allergies, but a simple test will tell you a lot. Pick a weekend (the sooner the better) and go wheat, diary, egg, nut, soybean and preservative free for Harvey. You will need 2-3 days for his system to clear if this is some or all of the problem. Basically his diet will look like a paleo diet but with eggs also excluded. I won't lie, it is a challenge but there are plenty of web resources for feeding kids with these limitations. If you do this you will learn something either way...either he doesn't appear to have food sensitivities and it's something else, or he does and your efforts can go to figuring out how to feed him for success.
I was resigning myself to believe that we would never get our son through school after his second grade experience, but now that we are aware of his allergic issues we have a new kid on our hands and a promising third grade under way. I hope you do get to the bottom of Harvey's issues!

[deleted account]

Emma that is awesome! Your love for you child and willingness to do everything to help him will change everything. It looks like he is too smart and needs continous stimulation or else he will get bored. From what I have learned from the counselor is to use her strength to overcome her weakness.

Emma - posted on 10/06/2013

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Yes I've asked him if he's happy at school he says he loves school and he is very bright and ahead for his reading but he lets his temper take over... We have now started a feelings book too so that when he gets angry he can write or scribble or draw what he wants to express I want what's best for my child and I'm willing to try anything to help him

Emma - posted on 10/05/2013

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I've spoken to our gp and there are going to help with a referal... He's not allowed to play video games of any kind and he is definitely not allowed to watch films with violence in... I have started anther reward chart to see if that works his time.... And no I wouldn't be happy if my child was on the end of a violent outburst I feel dreadful for the child involved I just feel that by suspending him there not really helping me to address the issue...I'm hoping the meeting at the school will get everyone on the same page and we can go forward and Harvey learns that this behaviour is totally unacceptable... I've got a gut feeling he's going to be diagnosed with something not that having a label helps but at least we will know what we're dealing with

Michelle - posted on 10/05/2013

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I completely agree with Jodi.
You've said that he's always been this way but it's not "normal" behavior. Something needs to be done before he hurts someone. How would you feel if there was a child in the classroom that was known to have violent outbursts and YOUR child was on the receiving end? YOU would probably be asking why the school hadn't done something earlier.
You need to see your doctor and get a referral to a specialist in child behaviors.

Jodi - posted on 10/05/2013

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Emma, have you had him evaluated by a professional? It certainly doesn't sound normal for this level of violence if he hasn't been exposed to it and could indicate underlying issues.

Does he play a lot of violent video games maybe? Watch a lot of M rated movies with violence? Either way, I would have a chat to his pediatrician about it.

I actually agree with the school - they need to take a hard line on the violence issue. It is hardly negligent - it would be negligent not to have a violent child suspended and then someone getting hurt. At our school, physical violence brings automatic suspension, and I think it is necessary for schools to ensure they treat all violence with absolutely swift consequences, but if this is an ongoing issue, they should also be supporting you on finding some long term solutions.

Emma - posted on 10/05/2013

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I too think that the school were wrong for suspending him... He's always been an aggressive child but when he's good he's amazing and kind and smart but he lets his temper take over if anyone dare say no to him or if a teacher wants him to do work he doesn't want to do or if I ask him to tidy his room it's turns in to ww3

Jennifer - posted on 10/04/2013

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Kids aren't born with these issues usually. My sons awful behavior was from his dad abusing him. It was the last thing I would have thought, but behavior like that could be a clue to whatever is bothering him. I think the school was negligent in suspension. Good luck.

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