visitation,,,Absent parent shows up after a year of ......NOTHING

Violet - posted on 09/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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He is a pot head. I don't mean he occasionally tokes up for medical reasons, he smokes pot constantly. He smokes more pot then cigarette addicts smoke cigarettes. He's never paid me child support. He lives three miles from me and this is the first time in a year he has made any effort to see his kids. He used to take them on weekends, when I was supplying all the food, blankets, clean laundry and transportation. He asked me for cash on top of it and I said and got so fed up I said he could provide food for them when they were there. He said that he couldn't do that and refused to see them. Now a year later he wants to see them again. This is hard for them emotionally because he wants to see them. He tells them it is my fault that he can't see them because he doesn't have enough money for them. He says he wants to see them one at a time and for a day. This is really hard for me because with three girls this means that three days a week I have to meet him somewhere to drop them off and pick them up.







When he was keeping them on weekends several people at the hostel/campground he lived at told me that the kids ran around all the time without supervision and he was eating their food.







So I told him that it was fine that he wanted to see them but one at a time didn't work for me and that I wanted to supervise the first visits until I felt comfortable with unsupervised.



Am I being unreasonable? He says that I am. This is causing drama that I don't need in my life. I could just agree to what he wants to avoid the drama but I don't think that will even work. He will find something to bring up. When I told him that other people witnessing how he took care of the kids told me they were worried, he said they didn't like him. Then he brought up all this negative and untrue things about how bad a parent I am. I told him if he really thinks I'm that bad of a parent he should report me to cps. That's what I would do if I thought someones kids were really in danger.







There are no orders for visitation or support but now that I know where he lives again I will file for child support tomorrow.







Any advice?

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Dove - posted on 09/20/2012

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Get a lawyer and go to court. If you have documentation of his neglect and any proof of his smoking it will probably help a LOT. No judge is going to find it reasonable that he takes one kid at a time for 3 days out of a week.



You may or may not be able to get supervised visits (as a judge I'D grant it if you have evidence of all your claims, but... I'm not a judge) at least to start, but you need a court order for custody and visitation. Child support is totally separate from visitation, but if he can't even afford to feed the kids a day or two a week.... that will not make him look good at all. It is not your job to provide financially for your kids (though I certainly understand why/how you would want to if there is neglect) while they have the occasional visitation with their father.



Good luck!

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