Visitation advice

Anonymous - posted on 11/27/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My sons dad and I split up in 2008. This was a year after my son was born. We went to establish custody and we both agreed with I being the primary caretaker, him get 12 days a month for visits. After this was established in the court, and everything was settled, my sons father denied his visits for a full year after it was over. I took him back to court and lessened his visits to 8 days a months instead. After this he continued to not take his son. He got a girlfriend, they got married and had a child together and for once he kept up with his visitation for a year. Once they broke up he stopped taking him again. I told him I understood what he was going through and if he needed some time to collect his thoughts then I understood. (Not that parenting should be put on hold when situations like these happen.) Three months pass and he comes over with his daughter to see my son. Leaves and it was a continuous thing 7 times total out of a total year that he came to see his other child. Never took him whatsoever. I messaged him telling him that I didn't feel it was right that he took one child and not the other. I told him that our child was feeling left out that he seen his dad leave with his half sister and his father refuses to take him with every time. He constantly bashes me with "he's not my child."... "hes a bastard" and all these harmful things to hurt me and hurt my son. Luckily our son hasn't heard him say such things. True dead beat at that. He manipulates me in using our child as a tool to upset me just because he knows that he can. He knows that he don't have to take his son and there is nothing that will be done about it.... He don't care about our son and he obviously is using him to as means to have a sense of authority. Wouldn't this be child endangerment or child neglect? Also I have him blocked on facebook so he can't harass me anymore, but he has my phone number and house number to keep if he so chooses to take his son. I feel stuck and in a catch 22. I know there is nothing I can do to stop him from taking my son with the current order, I don't know whether I should take him back to court or just leave it as is, and with having him blocked on facebook, I feel he could or would use this against me in court even though he has other means of getting in contact VIA phone and in person being we live around the corner from each other... Help?

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Anonymous - posted on 11/28/2013

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Wow, I experience the same thing! I don't think people realize on how big of an impact it can make on a child. I have to do that with my sons dad for the most part though. I don't tell my son when his dad is coming over because he never shows up. For today is Thanksgiving, I hope you and your family have a WONDERFUL holiday!

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/27/2013

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Lol it's all good. I hate broken promises. My mom is the worst for it as well... Growing up she always promised marine land and Disney land but even bringing us to the beach was a task for her so I just told her dont EVER make plans or mention anything to the kids unless it's set in stone and we are doing it because I hate disappointment. I give her crap every time she starts talking out her ass. When she makes plans to come here in the weekend I don't say anything at all to the kids because she's always "for sure" and then they change their mind and it's nice that when they do show up it's a surprise for the kids anyway LOL.

Anonymous - posted on 11/27/2013

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I'm sorry to hear that :( I don't want to say anything to my son about it either. My sons father always said "I will be over this day." and never shows up. I know all about the whole convenience thing and it does suck. Not only for us but for the children because it is a constant process on trying to make your child happy again and picking up the pieces as you go. Sounds like you have a very strong little girl. We can only hope for "one day" even if it is never. This is all a never ending new experience for me because my six year old is the only child I have. I don't have a significant other or anything. I go to college full time and to be honest I am afraid to bring a man around just for it to not work out, and then have another man walk out of my sons life. Maybe one day :) I found this site, and was completely relieved to speak with someone who could relate so thank you for replying. Truly, it means a lot to get this off my chest. For a minute before I posted I felt like I was crazy x) Very happy I did now.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/27/2013

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I know it's hard, my ex never wanted a kid so it's no surprise that he pops in and out of my daughter's life when it s convenient for him. I never said anything to her about him but at 5 years old she is starting to realize herself, shes frikken smart, and she actually gets mad at him on the phone. She has every right to be pissed though. It helps that I have a boyfriend and she has a brother now though, she knows she is loved. But it is hard. OH! Your ex needs to be paying child support so BOO on him. Tell the courts that because he could get in BIIIG trouble.

And I'm so glad to hear that you have tried counseling, and that you're taking classes that is awesome!

Anonymous - posted on 11/27/2013

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He is actually supposed to pay child support but hasn't in over a year. My heart breaks seeing my son like this with his dad walking in and out like that AND using the choice of words he's spoken. Even though I am not a person to judge others, but being a witness to all this happening, makes me feel like he don't deserve such a great little boy. I want to go for full custody but my heart rips to shreds even thinking about it because I feel so guilty being the person to make such a decision. I feel shameful being that kind of person but maybe only because his father has made me feel that way. I definitely want to do what is in my child's best interest, and I put him in counseling 2 months ago for once a week and I am going to parenting classes to learn how to handle these things as a single mommy. My son has a lot of support from family and friends, but he does seek for people to accept him (school teachers, friends, ect.) I constantly remind him that this isn't his fault and how is the best little boy ever, and I feel so horrible for him having to go through this. The most I can do is show him that he is loved and support him. I feel so helpless and stuck with his father not having any guilt over his actions.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/27/2013

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I would take him back to court and get full custody. Does he pay child support?and that is so unfair to your boy! How can he say that about his own son :(
He should be calling himself a bastard...
And if it's affecting your son that badly you can take him for counseling and hopefully the next man you are with is a way better role model

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