Visitation Issues (amongst many other things)

Renee - posted on 03/20/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I had my precious baby boy in November. I was not with his father by the time the baby was born due to the mistreatment I had to endure during most of my pregnancy, but still wanted him to be apart of the birth of our son.

He showed up for the birth and left shortly after. I called him to tell him he needed to sign the birth certificate, but he refused to sign the birth certificate due to the fact that I would not change our Son's name to his. (He still has his Fathers last name, but his father wanted him to be a Jr.) Keep in mind, we never discussed this and he gave me an ultimatum 2 days after I had the baby while I was (obviously) still in the Hospital.

So he never signed the birth certificate, and it took him 1 month to even reply to any pictures I sent him of the baby. We had a few conversations of him demanding I drop the baby off to his Mother's house. I explained that since the baby was so young and I was breastfeeding, I would not be leaving him anywhere. He refused to compromise with me so he didn't see the baby until around Christmas. He has severe mood swings so I am guessing that the nostalgia of the Holidays made him feel a little more 'fatherly'.

All was well, he was in a great mood, bought the baby gifts, gave me some cash. We were on a good schedule where I would bring the baby (at his request) to his parents house. We would all hang out and all was well. He apologized for his behavior, complimented me on how good a Mother I was and I really thought that perhaps the baby changed him. Come February, the weekend before I was to go back to work, he didn't invite us over to his parents house (keep in mind the man is 48, has his own business, own home but wanted us to meet at a common place which was fine by me). I had planned on discussing some type of payment arrangement so that he could contribute to the baby's expenses. Since he never contacted me to bring the baby by, I text him asking if he can come up with an amount he can give the baby every month. He responded 3 days later saying whatever he contributed had to match how much time he would spend with the baby and that he was willing to give me $100 a month! I told him fine, and that I was going to open up a child support case, he said he thought that would be best. He didn't reach out to me for another 3 weeks, never checks on the baby or anything...My question to the Moms out there is Am I being unreasonable requesting that I be present while he visits with the baby who is now 4 months old ?

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Jodi - posted on 03/20/2015

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I just want to clarify that it isn't unreasonable for him to have a SMALL amount of time on his own with his child without you supervising. There is no reason he can't pick his child up for a couple of hours and spend that without you around. Overnights and full days, at this point, no, it is not unreasonable for you to object to this.

Ev - posted on 03/20/2015

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That is not an unreasonable request considering you have been breastfeeding and this baby is still young. As long as you put the effort forth to give father some time with his child; that will not go against you. What you need to do is document all calls, texts, verbal communications and other things with date, time, what he said and what you said.

I think this is past being nice and going with his request to see this child. I think you would be smart to file for custody, visitation and child support.

Jodi - posted on 03/20/2015

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Custody and visitation orders and file for child support.

However, even if you are breastfeeding, your child's father can have time alone with his child without you present. Unless you have evidence that he is a danger to the child, the courts are likely to disagree with you here.

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