Visitation Rights for a dead beat dad? I feel his family can be a danger and he is unfit!

Kay - posted on 08/31/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

7

0

0

I'm taking my sons dad to court for a paternity test (he's out of state). Some people say if he's a dead beat then who cares. I'm doing it for my son because his fathers family is spreading rumors it's not his. Culturally it's going to be bad for my son because people will look down on him and say things about me being a whore and how he doesn't have a dad. So in all honesty I'm doing it to prove his family wrong but to protect my son as he grows up.

So with establishing paternity he will have visitation rights and possibly as my son gets older he'll get him for holidays and ect. The thing is I'm looking for full custody. If his dad wants to see him then him and only him (no family) can come to my state to see his son. His family kicked me out because of 1 confrontation and then his parents said if I loved their son that I would live in their machine shop where there is no shower or place to sleep to prove my love ect. I was 5 months pregnant and had my 9yr old daughter. He was at a lost and couldn't choose. So I had to return back home to my state because I was homeless (I couldn't put my daughter through that). He was very lost.

But now he's cut off all communication for a month now. He would never call me knowing I was in the hospital. He has not provided for our child. And when I messaged him to be civil about things so I don't have to take him to court he won't respond. Will the court favor my parenting plan because of his actions? He abandoned us because his relatives and parents refused him to marry me. He put me and my daughter in danger by not being able to provide a home but to only live in a machine shop. And now he's cut off all communication even when I tried being civil. I'm confident I have a strong case in court but in a way I'm worried. I just don't want his family to go near my son. I don't want my son growing up in an enmeshed environment thinking it's okay to treat others the way his family treated me. The father thinks that his family is capable of loving his son even though they kicked me out and tried to force me to live like that while I was pregnant with him. And they only gave me 2 hours to pack up whatever I could.

4 Comments

View replies by

Kay - posted on 08/31/2013

7

0

0

Him and I are Hmong but American born. Usually we're a pretty close knit community. But this goes beyond just being close with your family. The father of my son is totally enmeshed with his family to the point where he can't disappoint them. Even though he knows what they do is morally wrong or could cause harm he will do what they say. Culturally we were married and he became my daughters step-dad.. As a father you should protect your children from harm and make sure they live in a safe environment correct? Well he allowed his family to kick our daughter out and the only option was to live in a machine shop with no showers or beds. I'm not saying I don't want him to be in his sons life. I want him to prove it! I just don't think he is capable of being a good father because he allows others to make his decisions. If he is able to let his parents dictate what kind of decisions he makes regarding him being a parent and the safety of his kids, then how will he be able to take care of our son? Plus running away and not even contacting me regarding our son isn't a good sign that he is ready to be a dad.

Michelle - posted on 08/31/2013

3,627

8

3245

You keep mentioning culturally, it may help us to know what culture you are talking about.

Kay - posted on 08/31/2013

7

0

0

I don't have one as of yet. I'm speaking to a few attorneys and putting my case and evidence together right now. The attorneys and state system prefer mediation first, but he's not cooperating. He also moved to a different state without telling me. Pretty much he's running and trying to avoid the whole system. I was told to seek out organizations due to the cultural ties in my case that could cause my son emotional harm. So I am looking at all my resources and using all the evidence I have against the father as being an unfit parents. I understand what I say won't make a difference therefore luckily I kept all the evidence and have witnesses from the time I was kicked out till now. Also it's not about how he treated me but I have a daughter that he became a father to (even though it wasn't legal) culturally and was not able to be a fit parent towards her or protect her from harm.

Jodi - posted on 08/31/2013

3,560

36

3907

It's not up to you to decide his fitness as a father or otherwise. That is why we have a family court. So basically, yes, he has rights. I can't say what the court will decide, it depends on the evidence you both present. If he decides he wants visitation, they are unlikely not to grant him some form of contact with his child. How you were treated has little bearing on his rights to his child. Do you have a lawyer?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms