walk away dad

Tonya - posted on 11/06/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am 25 weeks along. My x and i had been expecting a little boy. I had a miscarriage and i didnt know how to take that from him then i got pregnant right away. He also is the only dad my little girl has known. We had a fight and he took us to my moms and left i told him everything and now he wants nothing to do with ua or this baby. I have tried for weeks to prove to him i was pregnant i even sent him my medical papers as he asked now he is more mad and tells me not to talk to him at all. So i haven't been. Im so hurt and lost but mostly alone. Left asking why would i have one baby taken only to have a second and be left alone. I have no idea what to do. And i cry everyday and more so when my little girl ask for him or looks out the window. Should i just cut him out entirely or do i keep hope that the man i love and know will come around.

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Tonya - posted on 11/07/2014

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I am not using this baby to get him back. I would never. I never said i want him back

Raye - posted on 11/07/2014

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I think this is a bad situation, and neither person should be let off the hook for the second pregnancy. You both decided to have unprotected sex, even though you said you both were not ready to try for another baby. Now you both have a responsibility to that child. I don't know if you're trying to use the baby to get him to come back to you, but no baby should be used in such a way. Accept that any romantic relationship between you two is probably not going to happen, and now focus only on what is best for the baby. He does have a right to be in the child's life if he chooses to be. And you have a right to get on with your life and find someone who wants to be with you and wants to help care for your children.

Sandra - posted on 11/06/2014

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i know this is out of the question but my boyfriend and i were trying to avoid another kid because we were not ready for another one and we are not even ready to get married any time soon. I had sex with my boyfriend after two weeks without condoms and then i took contraceptives and now am scared i have an ovarian cyst am so scared.

Tonya - posted on 11/06/2014

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I don't want to cut him out at all. But he wants nothing to do with this in anyway. I sent him the last ultrasound pictures and all i got was a text don't talk to me thanks. I keep telling myself i am on my own that is me and my kids take on the world. But something keeps telling he is just going to show up someday somehow and i dont know how to feel about that. Or any of this.

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2014

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Thanks for explaining Tonya. That is horrible that you have to deal with this alone. As Jodi said you don't have the choice to cut him out as he can come back now or years down the road and request contact. As for waiting for him to come around or moving on. That you have to decide. He might still be grieving the loss of the first baby and not dealing with things in the best way. That does not excuse his behavior and he will have to suffer the consequences of that.

Tonya - posted on 11/06/2014

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Yes i told him as soon as it happened. And no we hadn't been trying for a second. I was not ready. And he just never wanted to talk about so i let him have his space. I love him so much it makes me sick. I just wish he would be the father to this baby i know he can be and was to my little girl.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/06/2014

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So did you tell him as soon as you had the miscarriage, or try to get pregnant again before telling him? Were you trying for the second? Does HE know you were trying for another baby? Maybe he wasn't ready yet.

Tonya - posted on 11/06/2014

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I told him about it. He knows everything. He still knows everything i have sent him all medical paperwork. I didn't hide the miscarriage or the fact that i am now having a second baby. He wanted our son and was so mad and hurt when i lost him i never wanted to take our son away it was nothing i could control or he could stop. Then i got pregnant and when i told him he ended our relationship and now wants nothing to do with this baby.

Jodi - posted on 11/06/2014

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Unfortunately, you don't get to cut him out entirely, even if he doesn't want to be with you. Your situation sucks, and I am very sorry you are having to go through it. But he does have claim on the child you are carrying.

Sarah - posted on 11/06/2014

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I am not sure if I understand your post correctly......you had a miscarriage and did not tell your x (the father) that you miscarried and then you got pregnant right after the miscarriage....correct?

If that is the case then what you did was a VERY HORRIBLE thing to do to him. He has every right to be mad and not come back. You broke his trust. You did not allow him to grieve that loss. You have forever changed your relationship with him. He will never look at you the same way and trust you the same way. He may or may not forgive you. He may or may not decide to come back. You DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CUT HIM OUT OF THIS BABY'S LIFE!! You need to do everything in your power to keep him connected with this child. Having a relationship with this child may or may not mean having a relationship with you. Right now that is not your choice to make. You lost many of the choices you make when you choose not to share the miscarriage with him. Now you have to allow him to make the choices he decides to make. You can't be bitter about the choices he makes as this is a result of the choice you made.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/06/2014

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I hope you know how terrible what you did is. I don't blame him one bit.

Leave him alone. Let him deal with this. Do not expect him to be with you again, but hopefully he will step up as a father to his baby.

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