Want a second child - convincing my husband?

Sally - posted on 07/01/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )




My daughter is almost 2 (august) and I'm at the point where I think I want another child. I think I'd enjoy the baby thing the second time around and I think my daughter would be a great big sister and even enjoy it and be hepful. I also want her to have someone to play with in the future (not that she doesn't have friends) but I also think a sibling to 'lean on' in the future would be a good thing. I know my husband would also love the second child, but he's voiced concerns of taking attention away from our first and has even said along the lines of having the time or capacity/energy to deal with 3 peoples problems/days instead of just 2. I wonder if maybe there is a reason he's not telling me, but I'm thinking I just need to find a way to calm his 'fears'. I don't want to have another one if he doesn't, but at the same time, i want another one. I think "us" time might be his biggest fear.

Any advice on what I could/should say to him?


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[deleted account]

Honestly, he's already voiced his concern over why he may not want a 2nd child. And when you say yo uneed to convince him to have another, I see some potential trouble. BOTH of you need to be on the same page in discussing the number of children you plan to bring into this world. You both need to have honest, open conversations about pros & cons of all aspects of 2+ kids. You need to consider his feelings & attitude, and perhaps wait another year or 2, and then bring up this topic again. Having another child for the sole reason of providing your current child with a playmate is not the best reason to have another baby, and could certainly backfire in adulthood. For example, my husband & his brother talk maybe 4-5 times a year and live 2400 miles apart. Even when you state that your husband would love a second child, he may have said that to appease you. It's so important to communicate and acknowledge each other's feelings. For me, it was opposite. I was the one that did not want any more kids, but my husband did. I had to express my concerns why I did not, and he needed to validate my concerns. But I was open to listening to his reasons for wanting more kids and validated his reasons. Ultimately, we came to a decision that we are happy & content with just 1 child. And as my son has grown and matured over the past 6 years, we are now very much assured that this was the right decision for us! Please don't rush into having another kid or trick him into getting you pregnant without having several heart-to-heart conversation. Good luck to you! And not for nothing, raising an only child is AWESOME :-)

Christy - posted on 07/01/2011




Go out with him somewhere on a date and have a frank discussion and don't let it escalate into an argument. Write down the reasons why to have another for you and for your daughter and present them to him. Try to make a tentative plan as to when you would like to start trying for another and see if you can get him to agree. If you start now, your kids will be about 3 yrs apart which to me is perfect......hopefully the oldest will be potty trained and be able to help you out, being less dependent on you.

His argument about having to deal with more than 2 ppl's problems is weak to say the least. What does he mean by this? No offense, do you complain a lot to him about things at home? Not that you shouldn't do this at all, but something to also think about.

BTW our 2nd child wasn't planned, my kids are 14 months apart and I wouldn't change it for the world, although it is hard at times with them being so close in age (neither is potty trained, one is 4 and the other almost 3).

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