Want to be a single mom by choice?

P - posted on 04/24/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Want to find out if its okay to be a single mom by choice

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Yolanda - posted on 04/27/2013

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It's true that you can and will do whatever you have set your mind and heart on. And yes single parents can and some, often not by choice do raise good kids.
America is fast changing it's values as a country. It's still true that children need, and do benefit from a mommy and a daddy. That will always be a given no matter how much it bothers us to admit. No one tells you what to do, you asked and we gave you our opinion. Just remember the child in your choices. Kids in our country today are paying the ultimate price for choices they had no control over.
That said, I'm not naive or thinking that everyone in marriage gets along. We are all humans and it takes work to stay happily married :-) It takes commitment. I have two sisters who are single moms. Those kids still remember and miss the days when their mom and dad loved each other enough to stay.

Dove - posted on 04/25/2013

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You cheat the kids by choosing to not have a father in their lives. It's not about whether or not a woman can do the job of a single mother, but trying to do what is BEST for the kids... since that is what being a mother is all about. I would never CHOOSE to have kids without a father cuz I live the reality of that (by their father's choice) every single day. I am doing a fine job with my kids and get rave reviews about them.... but no matter how hard I try I can not and never will be a father.

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Evangelyna - posted on 04/27/2013

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The majority of single, successful women who want to be mothers is on the rise. There's no reason a woman has to be married to have a baby. There are lots of single women, gay couples and even married couples who choose to adopt or a surrogate or sperm donor to conceive a much wanted child. A happy parent who wants kids, in my opinion, is better than kids being stuck in the middle of an unhappy relationship and shotgun wedding because someone got knocked up. There are women who never want to get married but still want kids, same with men. Single parent adoption is legal as is the use of a donor. It's not a decision that should be left to the judgment of an online forum. It's your life, if you're ready for a child and want to be a parent then screw anyone who says you can't do it. If you're financially, emotionally, physically able to care for a child who's to say you have to be married. Every family is different and no one scenario is best.

Yolanda - posted on 04/25/2013

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You are correct about marriage not being the only path to happiness. It is about being selfless and both loving and caring about someone else.
But you asked about having a child as a single person, not about being happily married.
In all fairness to children, most of them need both a mother and father. If you just use a man to make a baby, will you have your child know his or her daddy? All I can ask you is to please think about the child more than yourself. The highlight of my little man's day at eleven months old, is when his daddy comes home from work.

P - posted on 04/25/2013

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The population of never married mothers used in this study was for the most part fairly young and financially disadvantaged, while the divorced and stepfamily parents were older and had higher incomes, and yet the children of the never married mothers still were reported to have a better adjustment than those who had experienced more family disruption.

P - posted on 04/25/2013

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The high rate of divorce we have all seen women who had not planned or been prepared to take on the responsibility of being single parents being forced to do so. In many cases they have managed to develop the skills necessary to cope with the job. It is not surprising ,then ,that a mature single woman would feel that if she decides to become a single mother she can do at least as well as, if not better than, someone who was unexpectedly left with the task at the end of a bad marriage and an upsetting, life-disrupting divorce.

Dove - posted on 04/24/2013

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Your life and your choice. I would never intentionally choose to be a single mom as I don't feel it is fair to the kid to grow up in a one parent household.... and I say that AS a single mom (wasn't by choice though). I love my life and I love my kids, but it is not fair to them.

Yolanda - posted on 04/24/2013

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It is your choice but it is not the most ideal setting to chose to bring a child into. Children do best in a two parent home where there is a mommy and daddy who love and are committed to each other.
Also if you cannot afford to raise a child, then please don't get pregnant. We have a system that is over run with people choosing to live off the government, some can't help it , some can. But please, please do not do that if you can choose.
I do not want to come off as difficult, but please wait to have a baby till you meet someone that you love enough to marry.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/24/2013

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Of course it is. It is your life and your choice. But if the father does want to be part of the childs life, that is a good thing. Either way I would be seeking child support. Children are expensive.

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