Want to leave my husband and kids

Karen - posted on 09/01/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have been married 9 years and we have 5 kids, 3 ours by marriage and when we married had one child each. When we first married I worked from home as a medical transcriptionist. As much as I hated working from home and isolated from others, I did it to be home with our kids. Over the course of our marriage we ended up losing our beautiful home to a short sale. We moved closer to family and I went back to school for surgical technology and LOVE it. I find myself happier than I've ever been. I've met and work with wonderful caring people. Then I go home and I find myself miserable. My husband is a very negative person and I am tired of living the way we are. I am beginning to feel a lot of resentment and want to live a simple happy life. Am I being selfish???

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Michelle - posted on 09/05/2013

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If you are truly not happy with your husband, no one is telling you to stay with him. If you still do love him, figure something out. Like communication or even marriage counseling.

Just don't leave your kids. Every kid needs a mother and if you ever to leave them, a part of their heart will never be recovered. Be their remodel. I love my mom to death and you would want your kids to love you like crazy too!
Good luck though. I hope you find your happiness.

Rebekah - posted on 09/03/2013

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What specific fear is prompting you to want to run away?

Is the marriage counseling something you think you could return to? Was it helpful to some degree? If he has issues and you are unhappy, it sounds like a return to counseling would be helpful. If he isn't willing to go, it may at least help for you to go, to sort out your resentment and find ways to work with your situation, make it healthier. Maybe if you are working in a positive direction, it could spur him to respond in kind too. Do you ever get to have date nights together? That's hard for us too, but I know its needed. I only have one child, but its too easy to let mothering and work keep us busy from connecting with each other and remembering why we chose each other in the first place. I can only imagine how much harder it is with 5 children.

Your kids do need you... the healthiest and happiest you that you can be. I hope your relationship can work its way through this tough time. In the meantime, do what you can to make yourself stronger. Hang in there!

Rebekah - posted on 09/01/2013

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Have you tried marital counseling? Have you tried talking with your husband about why he is negative? Has he always been negative? Does he sense your resentment, and is reacting to that? No doubt, five children and losing your home is stressful for both of you, and makes it hard to connect as a couple. Have you been investing in your relationship?

I don't know that there is a way to live a "simple" life after committing to marriage and 5 children. Even if you leave, there is the complexity of divorce, custody, visitation, finances, co-parenting, etc. As in the title of your post, you intend to leave the children with him? Do you really want to do that if he is such a negative person? Don't you think your kids need you?

I don't mean to come down hard on you... Its great you found a career that you love. I think a lot of people find solace in their work when home life is stressful. And I imagine its normal to fantasize about what life would be like if you could just detach yourself from marriage and motherhood and entertain how "wonderful" it might be. Keep in mind that may be more fantasy than reality. I urge you to consider other ways of changing the way things are at home before before throwing in the towel.

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Karen - posted on 09/08/2013

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Thank u all for your advice. It will be a long road, but we are working through it. Our family has experienced a lot of loss in the past few years, but we have also had blessings in between. I think I had lost sight of that somewhere and I needed to be redirected. Choosing a new career in the midst of raising 5 children is no doubt a difficult journey. But the thing I forgot is that I did not get through the journey alone. My husband stood beside me the whole way through. I became angry at myself for not "being there" for them when I was busy with school....I just wanted them all to see that no matter what we have been through, we can always pick ourselves up and start over. Actions speak much louder than words and the actions of my husband have always been faithful....in my eyes a saint, but he will never accept that. He always feels that he should or could do more and I already think he does too much!! This is why I chose to go back to school and be in a career that I will be happy enough to be away from my family in order to take some of the burden off my husband. Being so busy can take away from your loved ones and I need to find that balance.

My husband was seeing my struggles and instead of saying anything, began showing me that he still cares. It's the little things we forget to do that mean so much more than words. I have been paying attention to that and trying to do the same for him. The power of negativity is damaging, but people can recover by putting positives back into it....

Thank you ladies for reading my post and reaching out to a mother who was lost. I wish happiness and peace for all who struggle. We have all been there...

Tanya - posted on 09/04/2013

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I think your children need you but you don't have to stay married if you are not happy.

Your children will feel your negativity towards your husband and the entire house will a hostile and unwelcoming environment.

You can still have your children... but if you're happier alone... do it.

Otherwise you may end up having an affair.

Karen - posted on 09/01/2013

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We did do marriage counseling and even did a marriage retreat with our church. Yes he has always been a negative person with his own set of issues. He's a good father, although I find things I don't agree with, which makes it more difficult. I have gotten to a point where I no longer care what he thinks anymore. It's not healthy. I don't want to bash him, and I don't enjoy feeling this way. I believe I know what I need to do, and my children don't deserve to be left without a mom. I need to toughen up and do the right thing. I can't allow fear to run me away from my own children....

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