Wanting a baby @ 18. I will be 19. Please

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Guest - posted on 03/30/2014

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Here is my advise.
First off, I think it is great that you are doing your research and asking for input from other moms. Also, it sounds like you are pretty mature, as you are responding thoughtfully to both the encouraging and discouraging advice. So here is my take.
I had my son when I was 24, he was planned, but I still felt like I was too young and our marriage/relationship was definitely too young. We chose to have our son then because my husband and I have an age gap (He was 36) and he wanted to start our family before he was too old to be an active father. We had been together 6 years, married for 3 years, when we had our child. Had it been up to me, I'd have waited until I was a few years older. I grew and changed a lot as a person in my 20's, as most women do. When I was 23 years old, I really thought I knew who I was, and who I would always be and I made some pretty BIG decisions based on what I thought I would always be like. Now, I look back at the girl I was at 23, and I can barely recognize myself!
Don't get me wrong, I was a great chick at 23, and now at 34 I am still a pretty great chick, but I am totally different. My values have changed, my aspirations have changed, my desires are different, the way I spend my free time is completely rearranged. At 23, I was perfectly happy sitting at home on a Friday night cuddled on the sofa with my husband, a movie, and a glass of wine. I figured "I'm already loving the life of a "mom" I won't miss anything!" But I was wrong, as I got older, I started to feel closed off and separated from the rest of the world. I craved social interaction outside of my husband and my son. At 23, I could spend all day and all night with my husband and never get bored. By 28 (11 years together total), we knew everything there was to know about each other, there was NO mystery, and really, there was nothing to talk about except the mundane day to day crap. That was exciting the first 6 years or so, but by the time you are nearing the end of a decade, you will crave mental stimulation beyond your husband because you will know him so well that you can predict exactly how he will respond to everything.

That isn't to say that the marriage dies. I am still very happy in my marriage, but because I was so young when I embarked upon it, it took some major adjusting and therapy in my early 30's. You have to take time to completely develop yourself before you bring a child into your life. I know it FEELS like you are finished and you are the person you will always be, but you are not. You are still growing and developing. Of course, one can say that we continue to grow and develop throughout your entire lives, and that is true too, but if you wait a few years, you will come to know what to expect when you see yourself changing and know how to react accordingly.

Ev - posted on 03/25/2014

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I have to agree with Shawnn and Jodi on this one. And even if you been together for 3.5 years you do not understand that during the next ten yours of your lives you both are going to change and grow and you won't be the same people you started dating at the age of 15 years old. THere is a lot of difference in a 19 year old and a 29 year old. A lot of people think they know each other so well and at that point they do but sometimes people grow apart, their ideals change from each other and even the way they think of the world changes too. THere is more to it than we are ready to have kids because we have been together x number of years already and you are this young. I was 21 when I had my first and in so many ways I was not ready. And babysitting gives you experience but its NOT THE SAME as your own. You do not give the child back when you are done with it. This child is with you for 18 years. You said you came from homes that were argumentative. How does that make you ready because you do not want the same for your kids when you have them? And just because you think for yourselves does not mean a family councilor is not a good idea to talk to about this and see where you and he stand on the committment issue. You think you have it all figured out but those of us who have experienced are trying to tell you that its not easy, things do change, he could decide to leave and you are stuck with a child on your own, that in ten years you guys might not want to be together anymore, and so on. There is more to this than you think.

Rebecca - posted on 03/25/2014

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I'm 19 and have a baby, I fell pregnant when I was 18 unplanned and it's honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm not gonna lie it's extremely hard but after the first 4 weeks it gets easier, if u have supportive families it's even better as u will always have people to share your feelings with when and if u have a baby.
I had always wanted a family young and I don't feel like I am missing out at all (partying etc) as I never really was like that anyway but you need to make sure your relationship is ready for this because it is so true when people say a baby does not make a relationship better it doesn't.

Anyway, I'm here to offer support when u are making this decision. You defientely won't regret it but trust me when u say u babysit kids it is NOTHING like that when u have your own lol, u can't hand yours back when u have had enough. Also if u have anything in life u and your boyfriend wana do, do it before u have a baby because it will be hard to once u have one.

In my opinion baby's are one of life's most amazing miracles and I love my we bundle of joy more than anything and if u decide to then good luck and u won't regret it. Just think carefully :) xx

Chana - posted on 03/30/2014

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Is it possible you are lonely? I had my first child when I was 18. My son is now 19 and I have four other children. I would not want my children to plan to have children this young. Here are some things to consider..

- Are you married
- Do you plan on attending college?
-Can you support yourself comfortably?
-Do you want to be able to stay at home with your child?
-What are your interests?
-Why do you want a baby now?
-Have you considered having a blended family later on in life because usually, not always, but when you have children at a young age, sometimes you end up having multiple "baby daddys."
_Co-parenting is possible, but it's never the same when you have to share your child with someone else apart from you.
- Try focusing on your interests or serving others through volunteer work at a crisis nursery or Head Start program
_ I shouldn't assume that you would be single or parenting apart from the other parent, but it's hard being young and then let alone having to responsible for another human being.
-Don't rush
-Pray about everything.
-Talk to teen moms
_ I am pro-child and pro-family, but I do feel it's important to develop your own individual interests first prior to marriage, long -term relationships, and having children.

-One thing I wish I had an opportunity to do was to attend a university and live on campus. I've attended a university, but never lived on campus. I wish I had the campus life opportunity.

Gena - posted on 03/26/2014

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I like all the advice the moms here are giving.They are talking from expierience.I also wanted to be a young mom and had our son when i was 21.For me personally it was the right age,hubby and i cope very well.But it really is like Jodi said,even if you love your child to death there are times where its really hard to handle.And babys arent just cute,they are a handful to take care of..till they start teething,crawling and walking and getting their little hands into everything,toddlers are also not always easy..and i guess kids always get into some kind of phase where its difficult to handle them. I think you shouldnt rush to have a baby,enjoy another couple of years being alone with your partner..go traveling and enjoy being able to go to the cinema,shopping,holiday,eating out...or even just taking a shower without having a little one to take care of.Once you have a baby everything is different.Good luck

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Nichole - posted on 04/08/2014

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I'm mature. I live on my own. I pay my own bills. I have my own job. I am still in school about to graduate. Have been with the same person for 3 years. If I were to have a baby it's not weird, it's I'm ready to have one with my significant other. Also, It doesn't matter how old I am I can have a child and raise him/her just as well as someone in their 30's could. I'm not saying this in a rude way. Just so your awar I'm just telling you about me.

Sowmya - posted on 04/05/2014

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thatz soo weid nichole, try to change your decision you still got time to think about baby stuff.,

Nichole - posted on 04/04/2014

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I didn't ask if you knew I was pregnate maybe telling someone your symptoms would be helpful sorry for asking

Michelle - posted on 04/04/2014

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There are usually around 10 posts a day asking a bunch of strangers on here if they're pregnant. Most of us reply the same way: we have no idea, take a test or see your doctor.

Nichole - posted on 04/03/2014

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Don't comment rudely I was asking because you guys have experince and I'd be happy if I was so I was just asking

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2014

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Oh good friggin grief! NIchole, you claimed to know so damned much, and you're back 'wondering' if you 'could' be pregnant?

What gave you the idea that we're doctors? Or, that we're psychic?

If you 'think' you may be pregnant, then you know to go get a test, and if that isn't proof, go see a physician

Nichole - posted on 04/03/2014

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I am off my birthcontrol, been feeling like I'm going to get my period., today got some brown discharge, been eating weird foods like wanting to try new combinations that I usually wouldn't and I just wanna know if it's not
Al after comming off b/c thanks

Nichole - posted on 04/01/2014

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Thank you for that comment about me guest since I don't know your name :) lol. It was nice to hear your story.

Chana - posted on 03/31/2014

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Why rush? If you are committed, then wait a couple of more years. Have you thought about building a savings account? I work with teen parents who are in a committed relationship, having children changes the dynamics of a relationship.

Nichole - posted on 03/30/2014

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I've never wanted to live on campus , I'm engaged, I'm not lonley whatsoever we just want to start our family.

Nichole - posted on 03/29/2014

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May i add we have been already living together for. 3 years we've been together since the first few weeks of us dating in the same house and have only spent one day apart with was 2 nd a half years ago

Nichole - posted on 03/29/2014

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Thanks. We know that they aren't cheap but thanks for everything to consider when buying things and also he's not joking about having one he's the one who kept bringing it up and now we r just gonna see what happens :) we have a very strong relationship

Gena - posted on 03/29/2014

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Another thing i want to tell you to be aware of is that a baby costs ALOT of money.Diapers,wipes,crib,special creams,a changing table,clothes and they grow so fast you always have to buy bigger clothes,the same with shoes.Once they are to big for a crib you have to buy a bigger bed,bigger matrace and bedding.Stroller,carseat for when they are babies,car seat for when they are bigger,Formula incase you cant breastfeed like me..it cost ALOT!All the bottles,and all the different bottle tops when baby grows.Food,toys..its just the first stuff that came into my mind,there are still alot more stuff that costs money.A baby is not cheap.And if you dont have a stable income or extra money on the side it could be difficult to pay for all those things a child needs.Maybe go to a babystore with your partner and check out the prices of all those stuff you are going to need.You will see its not cheap.

Miranda - posted on 03/28/2014

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I really think you should wait. I got pregnant at 17 and it was definitely a struggle. My ex boyfriend and I had always told me he wanted to have a baby and always joked around about getting me pregnant, and when I found out I was he told me to get an abortion and hasn't talked to me since. In high school I didn't go to much parties but I did do cheer and I pretty much missed out on my whole senior year. I couldn't go off to college and was stuck going to a community one. I also lost a lot of friends. Supporting my daughter financially is a also major struggle. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I was too young and unless you have a job and have a strong marriage, bringing a baby into the mix would not be the best thing for you now.

Jessica - posted on 03/28/2014

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Don't do it I was with a dude for three years im 20 n know there totally different when you have a baby by them n move in everything went down hill after 3 months of me having the baby n moving n with him, now he s no where to be found my daughter is 11 mnths bout to b 1 n haven't seen her dad since she was like 6 or 7 mnths old.

Nichole - posted on 03/27/2014

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If it's a girl we want the name to be hunter lynn :) and we don't know about a boy. Thanks for all the options to consider

Sammantha - posted on 03/27/2014

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Nichole I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son. His dad was all about having a baby up until we found out we were expecting. We split when i 4 months pregnant and his dad has had nothing to do with him since. My son is now 3yrs old.

I had family support and became a single a single at 19. Its hard but worth it too. I was never one for parting, or drinking so to me I haven't missed out on anything. Most of my friends from high school i no longer hang out with because we are different stages in our lives. I'm now a mom of 3 at only 22 almost 23. I'm also in school full time with an almost 2 month old at home.

Do your homework. Make a list of things you are willing to give up for your baby.

Samantha - posted on 03/26/2014

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Hi Nichole. Do lots of research. Be absolutely sure. I got pregnant at 17 and was devastated. I went through with it and when my daughter was born she was the best thing ever. If you choose you don't want a baby halfway thru your pregnancy don't get an abortion, adopt. Being a teen mom myself i know you have to take online classes, you can not party, you have to be absolutely responsible. Please keep these things in mind and message me if you wanna know how i do it.

Celeste - posted on 03/26/2014

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Your boyfriend can want a baby but it won't change the fact that your relationship will change. My husband and I have been married for almost 13 years. Kids are stressful on a marriage and our kids were planned and we were older.

A - posted on 03/26/2014

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My advice is this: wait at least until you have finished school. Dealing with a baby, a part time job and school is a lot. When people have to deal with all three of those it is usually because
a. they had a oops baby or
b. if they are older and want to go back to school after having been out for a while- not usually because they plan for a baby at a young age.

No matter how much practice you have had, or how much we tell you it is hard- you won't learn until first hand. My best friend from kindergarten had a baby right at your age- they then got married and had 3 more. Then out of no where when her youngest was 3, he decided he didn't want to be a dad or husband anymore. So listen to what these ladies are saying, for the most part we are older and we know how things can turn out. Best of luck my dear.

Nichole - posted on 03/26/2014

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That last post was just me randomly talking haha.

I was gonna delete this because I don't know why. :P

Nichole - posted on 03/26/2014

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Thanks for all your lives inputs. :) it really helped me from a perspective. He also wants the baby when I do get prego. Song know he won't leave. And if something were to happen with us I wouldn't never regret my partner because we've been threw so much in the short time and he's been by my side with everything I can think of. He brought me to school from vt to New York every single day for 2 years till I could drive myself. There's a lot more but that's just one and we've been living together the whole time I just wanted to give feedback on him. So people kinda knew some. Uhmm.. We r just kind of waiting to see what happens in this process but at the same time we r looking for baby things :) and talking about names. Hunter would be a little girls name. :) just saying haha but still again thanks for everyone's input.

Teresa - posted on 03/26/2014

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I got pregnant last year January 2013 at age 16 by a guy I had been with for 9 months ill be 18 this friday and it all depends on your situation I can honestly say its only complicated by the people in your surroundings and if your partner is there to help or not, but its a rollercoaster filled with different emotion while being pregnant as well as after birth, especially that first month for me was very emotional my baby daddy didnt nd doesn't live with me I did everything alone my grandmother would help me only because she was laid off work but then again depends on who is with you whether it's mom grandma or partner to this day I can say I love my daughter who will be 6 months this Thursday and I'm happier than ever except that I wish I had known her father longer because I did and am currently leaving him we just don't and didn't workout and he's not accepting the breakup too well like I said it depends in your situation. Currently this is my senior year in high school and with a baby it is even harder.
Hope I could give you a piece of what it is like having a baby at young age
Hope I helped best of luck :)

Jodi - posted on 03/25/2014

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I was going to mention the changing your relationship thing. Having children changes your relationship. Not just a little bit, but a LOT. Being together for 3 years when you are 15-18 is not really any indicator that your relationship won't change when a baby comes along. It will change, and in fact, the likelihood that your relationship will not last is 59%. Having a baby places additional pressure on this.

I can see you've already made your mind up, so I wish you luck. Just remember, babies do not stay cute and cuddly for ever. There are some days or weeks where, while you love your kids to death, it can all be too much.

Celeste - posted on 03/25/2014

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I was the same age when i got pregnant. I dont know, i wanted one too honeslty, but having a baby changed our relationship. We had been together for 4 years, and now broken up. I would honestly just wait. wait at least 2-3 more years. Live a little more. Once you become a mom, you will be a mom forever. No rush. :)

Celeste - posted on 03/25/2014

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Why would you delete this? People that have been there done that are sharing what they've learned. As you grow older things change. I am not the same person that I was when I was on my 20's. And I'm still learning and changing (I'm in my 30's) like I said, you're going to do what you want.

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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Thanks so much for that post (: we will think long and hard about it ! But we've already decided pretty much I will keep everyone that posted information

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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We don't need a family counselor.we can think for ourselves and I never said babysitting was the same but I've had experience with babies.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/25/2014

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Honey, I was with my 'ex' 4 years, and am now happily (24+ years) married to the man I met when we broke up.

And, yes, we were 'for real', we lived together, we banked together, we did everything, just like 'real adults'...

Make SURE that you both have the same level of commitment. I'd even recommend a session with a family counselor to make sure you're both on the same page.

Celeste - posted on 03/25/2014

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Sounds like you're going to do what you're going to do.

No, babysitting is NOT the same thing. And going to school and getting a career is hard with kids. It can be done, but it's so much easier without kids. I am about to finish my degree in the fall, and with work and kids, it will be more challenging.

Your whole life changes. I can't even express. Yea, I adore my kids, but it's challenging. I had my kids later (26 and 30).

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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It's deff foreal because we've been together for almost 3 and a half years and we've been talking a lot since we've been 16

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/25/2014

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Personally, I wouldn't recommend it. However, you've got your mind made up, so best to you and yours.

Hopefully your 'fiance' will stick around...that's the most common complaint I've heard..."We WANT this baby, we'll be together forever..." and 6 months later the same young lady is back saying "I don't understand, everything was great before we had this baby, now he is leaving (Or has left)"

I'd make sure that your level of commitment and his level of commitment are the same.

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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No, we arnt quite adults but we are. We do everything our on our own . And I know that it's hard work to raise a baby but when your ready wouldn't you know it? I mean people who don't even plan on a baby can make it if we plan and save we can do it I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen I jut want feedback :)

Jodi - posted on 03/25/2014

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Babysitting other people's children is not nearly the same as having your own baby. Why don't you try to get a career going first, save some money, finish school? You can still be young when you have a baby and wait a few more years.

Your statement "We r kind of just living like adults do" suggests to me that even you recognise that you really aren't quite "adults".

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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We have been together almost 3 nd a half years, I'm working part time and school he works full time I'm just looking at some advice. I know I have many years but I want to be young when I have a baby. Also, we don't drink or do drugs and we don't party. We r kind of just living like adults do.

Nichole - posted on 03/25/2014

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I want to have a baby, well we want to have a baby me and my fiancé we have Been talking about it since we were 16 and if I got prego now I would be 19 by the time I had him/her. We want to start our own family. We are already living on our own and we both had rough lives as in argumentive house holds and we think we r ready for a baby. And we also watch a 12 year old, 5 year old and a 14 year old like they r our children and we also have babysat my baby cousin Sophie as a new born quite a lot.

Gena - posted on 03/25/2014

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I agree with Michelle,enjoy being a teenager and you still have plenty of time to have a family..you also want to consider having the right partner for yourself and a child,be financialy stable etc.

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2014

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Why?
You have many, many years ahead of you to be able to have children. Enjoy being a young adult first.

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