wanting to have another baby at 39?

Rachelle - posted on 02/15/2012 ( 60 moms have responded )

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My husband 34 and I 39 have been going back and forth about having another baby? We have a 7 year old son and he wants a brother or sister(even with the age gap). I am in good health but we can't make a decision so we are doing it the old fashion way(just keep on trying). We own are home, I am a at home mother already and we have the room in this big house in the country. Any comments how to make the decision???

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User - posted on 02/22/2012

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Hey Rachelle ~ Im just gonna save you some time and energy and give you the best answer to solving your problem!!! No matter how it turns out ~in the end you will see that i was right cause things WILL turn out the way they are suppose to!!!! I know from expierence cause im 38 and ive never been able to decide about kids so I had to get answers somehow and not just any answer!! it had to be the perfect answer! whether you are sure or unsure the best way to know for a fact that you got it right is to talk to God and mean it with ALL of your heart! let him know you are unsure and you need his help!! Thats exactly what i did!! I told him i was leaving that decision entirely up to him because God is the ONLY one that knows what is best for us more than we do~we know NOTHING,We just think we know!! You have to put all your faith in him,and if you do that then you WILL get your answer!! promise!! It was quit awhile later when God gave me my answer- I was 33 and by the time i found out i was pregnant ~i was almost 5 months pregnant~so God gave me an extra bonus~i was already halfway done with my first pregnancy thank goodness!!! But i did do something stupid when i found out that i was pregnant~I said God I dont think im ready for a child~~lol can you believe that I actually said that??well come to find out once again .. God is always right and we are always wrong because I have to say that noone knows what "REAL" love is untill they have a child and when my little girl was born -it was the GREATEST MOST HAPPIEST TIME OF MY LIFE!! So even though me and you are unsure ~i can guarantee you that God is not!! Ive been waiting for God to decide if I wont another child.My daughters 5 now and from time to time my mind starts to wonder~~"Did God forget about me?" of course not! we are just to anxious or either too impatient or either weve already got his decision and it just might not be the answer we were expecting so Never doubt him -always trust him and you will never go wrong!!!

Janya - posted on 02/20/2012

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I'm 39 and currently pregnant with my 5th child. I have friends who have had 1st, 2nd and 3rd babies at age 40, 41, 42 with no problems. I would say go for it because the longer you leave it the more risks there could be.

Donna - posted on 02/18/2012

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I had my third child at 38 and at that time had a 61/2 yr old and 9 year old. I wouldn't do it for your other child but if you and your husband really want one, then have one. Don't think about it for too long either since its harder to conceive as you get older. Sometimes you cant do as much with your older one with having a baby but you just have to accept that and do what you can. My oldest and my youngest get along great - now almost like having another dad. My middle and youngest had there moments of fighting when they were younger but now at 11 and 17 get along pretty well. Sometimes I feel less energetic with my youngest now that I am 49 but I think it actually makes you more active and keeps you younger. Good luck!

Tina - posted on 02/18/2012

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This is a highly subjective and personal question. My daughter, 9, wanted another sibling when she was 6 and 7. I was not at a point in my life that I could do that and just talked to her to let her know it was ok to want a brother or sister, but the fact was that it wasn't going to happen. However, I do not believe you should or shouldn't have one, that is solely a decision for you and your spouse. I say follow your hearts on this because later you may say, "I wish we had another" and may have regrets that you didn't.



On the other hand, there are so many children out there looking for permanent loving parents. I bet a 4 to 6 year old little boy would be an enjoyable thing for the 2 of you and your son if you really wanted to go that route! Not as many bills to pay for it and being a blessing outside your family as well. Just a thought.

Gail - posted on 02/17/2012

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Well, we had our youngest when we were 40, and how could any of us ever have lived without him? Unthinkable.. Never a moment's regret and he is 30 now ! The joy of our lives and

his brothers and sisters ! Do it!!

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Cheryl - posted on 08/24/2013

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If you crave for a child then you should go for it if you don't then stay as you are . What does your husband say ?

I have a 4 1/2 year old boy, have been craving for a second child since I had him. However due to hospital negligence I almost lost my life twice (my husband saw everything), traumatic is an understatement but I would go through it all again to have my little angel ! : )

I'm fit & healthy, our son would love a brother or sister BUT my husband has been against it since our experience with our first .

Does anyone have advice for me please ? up until now I've truly respected my husbands wishes, our son is perfectly healthy & I'm lucky to be hear raising him as a full time mummy : )

But last night I dreamt I had another boy and this going back and forth things is a daily thing ..........

[deleted account]

Well here's the red flag I see in your post. Your son wants a sibling. That doesn't mean YOU want more children. Whether you require medical intervention to aid in conception or not is irrelevant. What is important is if you have the desire and yearning for more children.



BTW- we have identical stats: I am 39 with a 7 year old son, but perfectly content with 1 child. Every now and then when my son says he wants a brother, I just let him know that in life, there are a lot of things you can have and a lot of things you can't have. And, a brother is one of those things you can't have. He whines for a minute or so, and then moves on. I personally love raising an only child. But you need to decide if you truly crave more children or not.

Debby - posted on 02/25/2012

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My comment is I am jealous and 46. My son is 5. I would so love to stay at home and have another baby. Just with each passing day. week, year its looking less and less like that will happen. Do it Do it Do it

Anita Harris - posted on 02/22/2012

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Dear Rachelle, I say go for it! I am a mother of 4 Beautiful daughters and have never regretted my choice to have that last baby. I had the 3 girls rather close together and then had 5 miscarriages. The desire to have one more child was overwhelming. With lots of prayers and support we were able to have that last baby girl! I was 42 when she was born. She is now 15 and I 58! My other ladies are now out of the house. This daughter has kept me active, young, and involved in activities that I would not be doing if she were not here. We are very close. I feel blessed to have been able to raise all my ladies but am extremely thankful that I had #4!

User - posted on 02/22/2012

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And the age thing? i mean come on now~ people are always saying that im too "old" to have kids!! are you kidding me! 38 is not old and i personally think for most people its best to have them when your in your 30s as long as theres no major health issues and if 38 is sooo old then I guess at 48 we will be concidered dead!!-geeezz -now when you start getting in your mid to late 40s i would definetly think harder about it just for health reasons! My mom just like ALOT of moms had me when she was 18~there is NO way i would of wonted kids when i was 18 0r even in my 20s- I had plenty of life to live then and alot of working and planning to do so that i could have a stable future! but to each his own and weither your in your 20s or your in your 30s or 40s ~either choice is neither right or wrong ~it just depends on each individual!!!

Tracy - posted on 02/21/2012

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Do you want another child? Does your husband? Having a baby because your son wants a sibling...not the best reason. If you want a baby...go for it. If not, don't.

Anne Marie - posted on 02/20/2012

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Absolutely! My son is 7 years older than my daughter and they couldn't be closer. Good luck!!!

Donna - posted on 02/20/2012

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Hi... I'm 39 with two girls - one will be 3 in May and the other will be1 in march. We tried last year but stopped because I didn't want to deliver when I was 40. In January... Surprise! Like Christy below, very happy and feel very blessed. Scared to death, but that's more at the thought of 3 kids! Haha! I say do what is in your heart... if you want another baby, go for it.

Christy - posted on 02/20/2012

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I am 39 years old. We currently have 2 little boys, 4.5 & 2.5 years old. We just gave up trying because of my age last summer. We donated all the baby stuff in the garage to a good cause. Last December, surprise! We are pregnant! I feel incredibly blessed:) I finished the quad screening tests last month & my risk factors for this baby were equivalent to a 20 year old, lol:) We are SO excited & so are our sons! I say go for it!

Susan - posted on 02/20/2012

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My husband and I wanted another child but it didn't work for us but now our children are grown and we have 4 grandchildren, 3 boys and 1 beautiful granddaughter. GO FOR IT! People in Hollywood have babies when they're 50, so if you have good prenatal care and follow doctor's orders you should be fine. Good luck and enjoy.

Carol - posted on 02/19/2012

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Don't let a seven year old child make a decision for you. I know you love him but he does not understand every concequence of having a baby especially if you have to seek fertility treatments. This is sometimes a long process and if you are 39 the results could take some time and might not come out like you had planned. If you and your husband agree on going forward in "doing what comes naturally" and you concieve then everyone will be happy. Just make sure you are both on the same page. Good luck.

Anna - posted on 02/19/2012

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There's nothing better than watching my the bond between my children. I was an only child and I feel that having a sibling is so important. I know lots of people who had a child between 37 - 42. You should seek out a fertility specialist right away as not to waste any valuable time.

Tammy - posted on 02/19/2012

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I am nearly 38 and pregnant with my 2nd child. I lost a child last year at 20 weeks, but I have PCOS and am RH- which both played a big factor I am sure. I will say that while this pregnancy is a bit more uncomfortable, its not awful, and there is definately something to be said for maturity when raising a child. I say go for it, if you want it!

Jeanne - posted on 02/19/2012

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I think you should do it. I had my son at 38 and already had an 8 year old daughter. This age gap worked well. They always got along. Now they are 13 and 21 and are the best of friends. Although the pregnancies were very different, his was harder( don't know if it was because I was older) I would do it all over again. Do what you wamt, not what someone thinks you should. Good luck no matter what our decision.

Rachelle - posted on 02/19/2012

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Thanks everyone for the comments, amazing things to think about and I would never base my decision on having another child because my son wants one. :) I love him dearly and when he talks about another sibling we explain all the different reasons why not at this time and he understands!

Christina - posted on 02/19/2012

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I've got a few friends who've had babies in their early forties. They are all great parents and I don't think they seem old to have babies at all. It all depends on the individual bit I think the main thing is (as long as youre healthy) if you want them and you love them. It's seems far more commonplace these days.

Allison - posted on 02/18/2012

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Sounds like you have already made your decision!! I am 40 and have a 5 month old and a 3 year old. I never really thought I was old until I started reading the comments on this site!! I guess it's how you feel.

Edith - posted on 02/18/2012

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there is nearly 19 years between our 2 sons. Having a baby at 45 was a wonderful experance. He is a blessing that is greater than any he have received. He has ds, is now 18 years old and a real sweet heart

Edith - posted on 02/18/2012

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there is nearly 19 years between our 2 sons. Having a baby at 45 was a wonderful experance. He is a blessing that is greater than any he have received. He has ds, is now 18 years old and a real sweet heart

Tosha - posted on 02/18/2012

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Go for it.... I am 38 and my husband is 31. I have a 9 yr old girl who desperately wants siblings. My husband has none and wants at least two. I always wanted more.

Tosha - posted on 02/18/2012

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Go for it.... I am 38 and my husband is 31. I have a 9 yr old girl who desperately wants siblings. My husband has none and wants at least two. I always wanted more.

TAMARA - posted on 02/18/2012

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I am 54 I adopted at 39, my son is 15 now and it's really hard to do any activities with him because I'm too tired and have aches and pains. I was in good health at 39. I then adopted again at 44 another boy and all my boys do is fight. It makes me hate being a mother. I was happy with one but he always wanted me to play with him so I thought another child he'd have a playmate. Dont have a child because your other child wants you to, do it because you want to expand your family and you are willing to put in more effort than the first. You don't know how jealous you current son may become and he will definitely boss the new child around sooner than later because he is number one and will want that second child to know that. I'm not trying to be a bummer but I wanted to give you my opinion. Plus your risk of having a downs syndrome or autistic child increase with age. Although you can still love that child it's a difficult job with all the time they require. If you really want a child you can handle it. Being a parent is hard no matter what. best of luck to you and your decision making venture.

Maria - posted on 02/18/2012

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I had my second daughter last year at age 45. My older daughter turned 7 the day before I gave birth to the younger. Aside from being exhausted, she was healthy (as I was for my pregnancy). It's never too late....

Elizabeth - posted on 02/18/2012

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I had my first at the beginning of my 39th yr and my second at the end of my 40th. No problems with either one. 40 is the new 30; go for it!

Rosemary - posted on 02/18/2012

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It is alright to have another child. If your doctor says you can make it without hazards as to your health and that of the baby, why not.This can keep you busy and give you a companion at old age. I had my last son at 36 and there is 14 years gap between my first son and the second. The first became more like an uncle to my second son. There is also bonding and in fact the entire family love hims so much. I think the period of waiting made it so welcoming to have a little one in the house. And guess what every body has a special name for him and he is over pampered. Just allow your heart lead you in this.

Tine - posted on 02/17/2012

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I'm 41 and have a thriving 3 year old and a thriving 3 month old!

Make the decision based on how you feel. If you are passionate about having another child and prepared to put in the love and work, then just keep 'trying'! Chinese herbs, acupuncture and homeopathy as well as a healthy lifestyle can improve your chances immensely of having another healthy bub. Good luck and best wishes :-)

Elsa - posted on 02/17/2012

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I had my son at 39, and he was the best gift I could have every wished for!! If you are both in good health and are able to provide.. go for it!!

Pamela - posted on 02/17/2012

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Nothing wrong with having a baby at 39 as long as you both agree! Americans make such a big deal about having babies and ages. As long as you are willing and healthy enough to do so....GO FOR IT!!!!!!!



Believe it or not, I am capable of having another child and I'm in my sixties. I would be more than happy to do so....no matter what others think or say!



It's your choice along with your husband. It's YOUR BODY!!! Turn a deaf ear to society's view points.

Anna - posted on 02/17/2012

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I had my last child at 40 and all went very well. However I did have AFP test and Nuchal scan and they both gave me a very high chance of a healthy baby. I wonder whether at 40 I could have managed with a child who had Down's or another medical issue and I think that is something that everyone has to consider.

I would have had a 6th but my husband said no, I still regret that.

If you feel that you haven't fininshed having children then go for it but if it is something you are not sure about then wait.

[deleted account]

Oh just have fun trying and if it works then it was meant to be. We tried when I was 39/40 and during the last month of us trying I told my husband "Look, this isn't working, why don't we get a dog instead." So, since he is allergice to dogs. I started researching allergy friendly dogs and then one day I realized I better take a prego test....fast forward to today and I now have a 9.5 month old little girl and a 6 year old boy who adore each other and I will be 42 in June! If you want to try, then just go for it and have fun :)

Tatyana - posted on 02/17/2012

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Get a period tracker app and target your sex with your fertility times more accurately. Period tracker lite is free and amazing. I learned a ton about My cycle.

We have 2 beautiful girls 5 and 2. I am 41 now. Baby 2 was not as easy for us, but perserverance paid off. No fertility drugs.



My pelvis is not healing well after 2nd baby after 40. Still!! I am in pain often. I did not consider this would happen to me as, like you, I was super healthy at 40. I wished often I would have prepared my core strength better. Yes, start working on Kegels BEFORE you get pregnant. Just some advice I wished I had taken more seriously when I was in your shoes.



I have never been so fulfilled as I am now with my family. As I was an only child, my only motivation for having a second, was to make sure my firstborn was never alone. Maybe not the right reasons, but I am so glad we had our 2nd. I feel like a really lucky lady.

[deleted account]

My husband and I tried for 4 years to have a baby. I started at 26 with fertility testing and many maonths of peeing on a stick for bad results. My son came along by the grace of God when I was 30. My daughter came farely quickly after him. They are 21 months apart. We started tryin again for baby 3 about 18 months after her. Many miscarriages and 8 years later I gave up. I said I did not want to be 40 and pregnant. Please understand it is not easy for us to get pregnant. Anyway, I turned 40 in February 2010 and got pregnat in March 2010. Remember we had given up. So at 40 it was scary and I worried endlessly about the health of my baby. We went through all the testing and had some scares. We did not do any genectic testing with the first 2. All the tests were wrong. We have an amazing 14 month old. He is vibrant, healthy, happy, and so beautiful! He will keep us young. I can not imagine our life without him. My older children love him to pieces. They are the best of friends and they fight over the baby. They cannot get enough of him. GO FOR IT!!!!! Truly it was in God's hands. He decided! ; )

Eva - posted on 02/17/2012

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I struggled with this decision for years myself wondering how one knows how many children are right for them. I was in foster care most of my childhood and my foster mother was someone I looked up to immensly and she had played a huge role in who I turned out to be later on in life. She supported me through everything and she passed away from pancreatic cancer the year I was expecting my 3rd child at the age of 37. I asked her this question and her answer to it has forever been embranded in my mind and my heart. She told me I was never going to grow old and regret having had the children I had that they would bring me joy no matter what. She also said that I would regret not having had the child or children I panged for and longed for when I could and that the opportunity at some point in time would be forever gone. She touched my pregnant belly and told me I was having a girl before I had found out. She passed away soon after this conversation and my baby girl was born and she bears her grandma's name. You will NEVER regret the decision and choice to have the baby but you will and can regret having missed the opportunity to experience motherhood again and growing your family.

Lori - posted on 02/17/2012

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Theresa k- I find your post offensive as people like you are always looking down on others for needing help to concieve. I am grateful and blessed to have my son and because of him I was able to have my 2 daughters without help. The doctors all told me I wouldn't be able to have children without IVF, I guessed we both were shocked with my girls. Not everyone can have kids nor do they want to adopt. When IVF is done that get rid of the bad sperm so they have a higher chance of implanting. I wasn't as lucky to get pregnant with just good old sex!! Lucky for you. Yes its expensive but its worth it for the woman that wants her own baby.It does not mess up your body it righted my tilted pelvis so it was easier to get pregnant with my girls.

Teresa - posted on 02/17/2012

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Hi Rachelle -- I had my first baby at 41 and now am about to give birth to another baby girl at 43. We did all this the NATURAL way -- no ivf, no fertility drugs. Just good old sex. I think the artificial scientific methods messes up with the woman's body, is very expensive, and has a higher propensity for poor mental and physical health for the offspring -- something your OB may not tell you. My husband and I are the same age. We are both healthy (no hypertension or diabetes or genetic stuff that we know of). We are even entertaining the idea of a third child, but that would depend of how I am feeling by 45. A question for you though -- why not consider adoption as an alternative, especially if you can not have a biological child by 40?

Lori - posted on 02/17/2012

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Since My husband and I tried for 12 yrs to have a baby we had to have IVF to have our son now 7 yrs and I was 35 when I had him. I turned 39 yrs old 2 days before I had my daughter without helpm and she is 3 yrs old now. I also had another baby girl 9 months ago and I'm now 42 yrs old. I'm done having kids but its a personal choice. My mother thought I would have an unhealthy baby cause I was "OLD". I had all the testing done and all my kids are very healthy and beautiful. I wish I could have had my kids younger but its never too late to get the family you always wanted. My life is complete:)

Sally - posted on 02/17/2012

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It depends on your health and lifestyle. Most women are capable of having babies until their mid to late 40's, but we're really only good at it until our late 30's to early 40's. Life doesn't always work out that way though.

When I was young, I intended to have my 1-3 children potty trained by my 30th birthday. My husband is 9 years older than I am and wanted them at least in college before he was old enough to retire. My first baby showed up when I was 31 and my second at 36. Depending on my hormones and sleep levels I waffle between wondering why I thought these were a good idea and NEEDING 2 more.

The older you get the more a doctor will twitch about your pregnancy, but doctors are trained to look for problems to fix and like to twitch anyway. If the twitching bothers you, you can always hunt down a mellower doctor or even a midwife. You will be expected to take extra tests because some genetic disorders become more common with maternal age. Whether you actually do take those tests is entirely up to you and don't let any medical professional pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable.

Good luck

Monica - posted on 02/17/2012

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I have 4 kids, ages 14, 11, 8, 2 1/2. I had my first at 33 and my last at 45. My husband felt our family was missing someone. We decided to go for it and now we have a beautiful boy who would be so missed if we didn't have him. There is an 11 yr gap between both boys but they are the best of friends. The 5 year gap between the two youngest isn't a problem either as she thanked me every day for over a year that we had him. And my oldest daughter, 11 - is like a second mother to him. I would say, go for it. Babies and children are great!

Paula - posted on 02/17/2012

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I was 36 when I had my daughter. When she was 7 I too wanted another child. My husband wasn't quite sure but we both came from large families and didn't want our daughter to be an only child. So at 43, I gave birth to another little girl. Everyone speaks of the problems associated with childbirth - I was lucky. I didn't have any issues. However ---- and this is something to think about;

I am now almost 59 and dealing with a 16 year old social butterfly - is exhausting. When my Mother was my age, she had 5 grown children - my Grandmother was a great grandmother. I am not saying don't do it. I wouldn't trade #2 for anything in the world. But be prepared. Very prepared to have a teenager at 60, God Bless.

Lisa - posted on 02/17/2012

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I have a very similar circumstance. I had my first son at 29(almost 30) and my next 9 years later. My son wanted a sibling and I told him when we moved to our big house in the country we'd try. Took longer than expected but was soooo worth it. I never wanted my son to grow up without a sibling and someone to share his life with him as only a sibling can.

Theydon't have the fighting and sibling rivalry that I had when growing up. They really look out and look up to each other. It turned out to be an incredible blessing for us! Good luck with your decision!

Rachelle - posted on 02/16/2012

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well I am comming to the conclusion it's a very big decision so I will sit down with my husband and do some pros and cons meanign how we feel.....and take it from there xo

Rosemarie - posted on 02/16/2012

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I had natural, identical twins at 40-1/2 and they are healthy and beautiful kids. I ate properly and my doctor monitored me closely because of my age, also twins are high-risk. You need to watch what you eat, limit fast food, eat well-balanced foods and you should be fine. I ate lots of romaine lettuce probably because of the folate in it. In fact it was my craving. I would recommend taking prenatal vitamins 90 days

before you get pregnant and have a check up with your gynecologist/obstetrician beforehand to get a prescription for prenatal vitamins. (my brother and I are 7 years apart and are close). Go for it and... Good luck!

PS I have 4 girls now. I'm 53. One will be 18 in July. The second turned 15 recently and the twins will be 13 in July. I have no regrets. They are great kids. I have a busy life working full time with special needs kids and my own kids. God only gives yiu what you can handle. I hope you and your hubby come to a conclusion. It's different for everyone.

Melanie - posted on 02/16/2012

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I don't see any reason not to. My last just turned 2 and I'm about to be 38. My cousin had her last at 41, and my grandmother had her youngest at 44. Also my dr told me that the statistics for a genetic defect at 30 is 1 in a 1000. And at 40 it's still only 1 in a hundred. There are a lot of lifelong benefits to having a sibling. I say if you guys are debating it, you probably want it. Go ahead.

Sophia - posted on 02/16/2012

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You do what you think is best. I have a 17(g), 16(b), 9(b), 3(g) and a 3 month old boy. I enjoy having the age combination. Just keep in mind,at some point, your 7 year old will get jealous. Good Luck!

Merry - posted on 02/16/2012

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I'd go for it.

You don't want to regret it later if you loose this chance!

LORI - posted on 02/16/2012

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I have a 10 year age gap and my oldest son was devastated when I told him because he was scared of losing mommy - However, now he loves his sibling and says the only thing is that he wishes they were closer in age so that they had more in common. They fight ALOT but are also best friends. My only concern would be your energy lever. I am 40 and am exhausted all of the time with the younger one because he is such high energy. If you think you have the energy to expend - go for it - it is truly rewarding and I believe that kids need siblings so that they are never alone later in life.

Anneliese - posted on 02/16/2012

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That's a tough call we both of you can't make a compromise. I can tell you the gap does make a difference. My husband I thought we were all set. Wasn't trying or anything. The youngest was 8. On Mother's day I found out we were having another child. They are 11 & 4 now & they get along but OMG do they butt heads. My true opinion though no matter what the out come. If it happens it was MEANT to be....Good luck

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