Wanting to leave but scared of Husband

Bre - posted on 06/07/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My husband has never been "nice" after w had our daughter. I have finally reached a point where I am done. Now I am just scared because every time I try to leave or suggest us splitting because I am miserable, he threatens to hurt himself.
I have a 9 month old and am scared enough to be a single mom with no money or any place to live, and I don't think I can handle someone blaming me for them ending their life. what should I do?

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Ashley - posted on 06/09/2016

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You just have to leave you can't stay it may be hard considering your fears but you have to do it for your child a kid growing up and a kind of hostil environment isn't good for them As someone who grew up in that kind of environment I know if you try counseling and it dsnt work then it's time to go he will not hurt himself that is just his way of scaring you to stay but you can't stay and be unhappy forever you deserve a happy life everyone does just dig deal for your strength and walk away maybe apply from some help from the date before you go so you know you and your baby will be ok when you make your move I wish you the best of luck

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Bre - posted on 06/09/2016

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I haven't been perfect in our marriage either. I have not cheated, but I am not perfect. But, I have never threatened anything near of what he has and the names he has called me.
We have been trying to work things out once again. But, I feel numb towards him. I can barely kiss him, let alone touch him. I have all of this resentment and anger towards him that it is hard for me to get past to help us work.
I proposed me talking to someone to help get over that. He doesn't think it is a good idea. that I should be able to talk to him about this and no one else, unless it's a marriage counselor for us.
I have always encouraged him to see a counselor by himself and not be ashamed by it, yet he gets mad if I even need one on one help instead of just getting it from him. I feel like any suggestion I make is not good enough unless it is the one he wants.
I see no other option at this point, but am terrified for our daughter,

Bre - posted on 06/07/2016

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he has never hit me, but he does put me down a lot, and make me feel like I am the mean crazy one. I have a gently nature up until recently, only because I am fed up.
he has threaten divorce for almost 8 months now, and I have become numb to any of his affections.
Not sure I have a women's shelter in my small town, but I might start looking into a new place to live.
I am tired of being blamed for all of his bad behavior and wrong doings. he expects me to just forgive and forget, and now all I feel is sadness and resentment.

Nadine - posted on 06/07/2016

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I cannot urge you enough to make use of a local shelter if you are in danger, and by what you have said here, I would say you are. They also have amazing resources for legal, financial and social services. Be safe.

Bre - posted on 06/07/2016

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Nadine: thank you.
His behavior has definitely become controlling and manipulative. I am just so scared to leave and be a single mom. I know it will be hard, It is just a big step to take.
He has threatened his life and to ruin my financial status, which is already in the dump because of him.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am trying to muster up the courage for the sake of my daughter.

Nadine - posted on 06/07/2016

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The short answer is leave. His threatening to hurt himself is abusive and controlling behavior. You are not responsible for his actions, and while it would be horrible if he did something to harm himself, chances are they are empty threats of a pathetic and abusive man. And if they are not, if he really would harm himself to hurt you, that is all the more reason you really need to be free of someone controlling and violent. I would suggest perhaps a shelter for your own safety, until you know how he is going to react.

P.S. Been there. It is tough, and there is no easy way to do this, but in the end you and your child can be happy without all the controlling. Best of luck.

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